"Make New Friends And Keep The Old, One Is Silver The Other Gold"

I can't sleep. I had chinese takeaway food. I forgot this makes me not sleep. So I got up to drink lots of juice in the hope of rehydrating my body and possibly getting a couple of hours sleep before I need to get up again. This week I decided, as I don't have my children, to get ever so slightly involved in MAD week at Shipley Salvation Army, where I have started attending again. MAD = Make A Difference. They do lots of things in the community, and a kids club and cafe at the hall, and basically just try and make a difference I guess. And what I have written there will not do it justice at all, they've been doing it 6 years and do shedloads, but I'm no expert on the matter so can't really give you any more details without possibly getting something wrong. I think they try to show people that church doesn't just mean "at church", it can be out there in 'real life' too, or even better it can become 'real life'. I am tentatively getting involved, quite often when I am there on Sundays I feel like an untamed foal, ready to bolt at a moments notice. I think they may have noticed this, they are also quite tentative with me. I *want* to become involved, I really do. But then, I also have this issue with getting too attached to things, to people, to communities, to letting my walls down and then something happens and they have to be rebuilt all over again, but with more broken bricks than the last time. And then it's too late I've come to rely on that support, that friendship, that community, and well.... I struggle without it. So yes, I'm reluctant to get too attached, but maybe I'll overcome that, we'll see. James is happy for me to go. He's not religious in the slightest, but he's also not against it, and he quite likes the supportive community aspect of it. So that is a good thing. I'm not over sure the kid's dad is that pleased with them going, but he hasn't openly opposed it. And I think children need somewhere to belong. When I was a child, I needed somewhere to belong. Plus, Adam decided to believe in Jesus all by himself from when he was little, so who can argue with that one?

So, today, at the Army, the band played People Need The Lord. And all I could think of, was Emma Richardson (now Emma Jones), stood at the front of Music School end of week show (which wasn't called music school anymore at that point, but that was the colloquial term so let's just go with that :p). Singing the solo, People Need The Lord. And all I could think of was, I'd really like to get back in touch with her. When I say "back in touch", she is on my facebook. But, well, as much as I try to keep it trimmed to people I either talk to a lot or know well in real life or just quite simply care about, that doesn't mean I actually talk to everybody on there frequently. I'd put Emma in the "just quite simply care about" category. Which means I haven't talked to her in ages. I even just had to look on her facebook to see where she lived, because I couldn't quite remember. And it says she lives in London, which I genuinely didn't know, and now feel rather bad. When I say I haven't talked to her in ages, she sent me a lovely message when Isaac passed away last year xx. Emma, if you're reading this, it would be nice to have a talk sometime soon xxxx.

The song, in my head, is always an instrumental piece. Because whenever I hear anybody else sing it, it never sounds as good as that night, in that atmosphere. It took me a long time on YouTube to find a decent version of it, they were either shaky camera work or harsh trumpet tones - being from the Salvation Army background, you really learn to appreciate the cornet as the better alternative ;) If you want to know the lyrics, I believe they're pretty easy to find on google. I'm not putting them on here, because well, for me this song isn't about that. And also, I don't want anybody to accuse this blog of being 'preachy', because, well, it's not. I am far from perfect, as is everybody else in this world, and certainly no better than anybody else, in fact probably quite a lot worse than some others in many people's eyes.

From me, good night (or good morning), I am going to attempt 2 hours sleep xxx.

Crazy little people ;)

Today has been a crazy day, a busy day, a fun day. A walk to Shipley for Lego minifigures and fruit, and a walk home with two full bags of shopping. For some reason, as the children are going to stay at their Dad's tomorrow for a week, I ended up buying a load of food for them. Hmm, strange that.
So, the morning started off with Jessica "stealing" Adam's chair, and pouring her cereal all over the floor. Then I banged my head on the door and got told to "shurrup" by Jessica for saying ouch. Other events throughout the day included me cutting the knuckle of my finger open, gaining a new (to me) table and 4 chairs less than 12 hours after wishing out loud on facebook for them, and a rather stressful 2 levels of Lego Star Wars III on the Wii. Which has led to the new rule of the house - only one level per day. Adam has taught Jessica to say "fine", as in Me - "Please go tidy your bedroom before bedtime". Adam - "Fine!", followed by Jessica - "Fine!" up the stairs they went. Jessica decided to stand in the wastepaper bin, according to Adam this was because she wanted to throw herself away after she hurt him. According to Jessica it was because she was stuck and needed chocolate. We compromised and they had strawberries and milk for supper - mainly because that was what Jessica raided out of my fridge. I need a higher fridge. But I immensely love my new table. It has already been eaten off and play-doughed and drawn on and sat at with a coffee, and the chairs have already been argued over 3 times :D Believe it or not, since I moved out 10 years ago, this is the first time I've had a proper table and 4 chairs. Previous ones have either been fold-up jobbies or small patio sets. It makes me feel settled to have a proper table.

Today has been rather eventful. I'm pretty tired. But good tired. I haven't a clue what I'm going to do with myself for the next week. I was supposed to be sorting all my house out, but I've done quite a lot of it these last two days as Adam decided he wanted to "help" me do it. This "help" mainly consisted of him putting all his toys on a high shelf, and then playing Lego Star Wars whilst Jessica tried to climb up to get them all. He likes having a little sister. He doesn't have to get rid of anything, everything that is too small (or that his friends will say is too small) he just "gives" to Jessica. He puts it on one of her shelves, and then just plays with it whenever he wants. Magic.

I needed to write this, because it's been one of those days where so much happened, but all normal every day family stuff, that it all needs to come out, and also it's good, that despite the fact it's been a crazy mad day and I got hurt and Jessica is going through a spurt of hurting Adam, it's actually been a really good day. It's been a laughing and bonding and making a home kind of a day.

If you're free next week, say hi, because I won't have any crazy little people to talk to.

A steep learning curve........

This Year Of Adventures, being true to myself, standing up for what I believe in and being honest, is throwing up some interesting things. Some sad, some good, some interesting.
I have learnt that I really detest discrimination of any kind and judgemental people too I can quite happily live without. Believe it or not, I have actually lost friends this week for NOT being racist, homophobic or 'class-ist'.  What a crazy world we live in.
This week, I am feeling quite angry. Unlike many of you, not about the riots. I am sad about the riots. Yes, I am annoyed with the people that have done it, and no I don't think their life experiences, whatever they may be, are an excuse for what they have done. But mainly, I am sad that they happened, sad for the people who have lost their lives and businesses and jobs, sad for the families of the metropolitan police in London who had to sit home with their children during the riots just waiting for their partner to come home, hoping nothing happened to them.
My anger, is reserved for two separate things.
The first thing, is anger for the reaction of many people to the riots. The fact that people can say, without thinking anything of it, that "it was the blacks", "it was the asians", "it was the benefit scum", "it's because they weren't smacked as kids", "it's because they came from broken homes". WHAT?? Anything to distance themselves from it, pretend that nobody that they could vaguely be connected with would have anything to do with it. It was individuals who rioted, not one specific group of people. It was people from many walks of life and all different areas of the country. By blaming specific groups, all that happens is the country becomes more divided, is that really helpful? I am just so angry that people can turn against each other so quickly. There are so many areas of my life, that I don't publicise, for fear of judgement. I don't keep them secret as such, but I also don't openly talk about them. Why? Because I am worried about being judged. But people need to realise that things are not mutually exclusive. For goodness sake, living on a council estate doesn't mean you are thick, and living in a 4 bed semi-detached doesn't mean you are clever. Being a single parent  with children to two different fathers doesn't mean you wasted your life or had more than a handful of boyfriends, and having 4 children to one man doesn't mean you didn't sleep with 100 men when you were younger. I am sick to the back teeth of people thinking they are better or worse than others, and generalising about people's situations. The people who rioted were wrong. It doesn't matter where they are from or their background or their reasons, they should not have done it. End of.

The other reason I am angry? Well, that's more personal. Yesterday, was the first birthday of my angel nephew Isaac Edward Mundford. And I have been mentioning it on facebook the last couple of days and also other times in the past few weeks. And one of my close friends, who is on holiday, remembered last week before she went and gave me a hug. One of my close friends yesterday sent me a text and wishes. All of the people on facebook, who copied my status, or commented, or posted on my wall, or simply "liked" my status because they didn't know what to say, or text me because they wanted it to be private, well they are people that I like, and care about, and am friends with, and some I thought of as quite close friends, others I have only just got back in contact with or don't know too well but do like. But do you know what? The people that I (up until now at least) considered my closest friends, the ones that I try to be there for and spend time with and are first on my mind when checking how people are or planning a night out or a night in or just a christmas present list. Only 2 of those people gave me any thought at all. One, before she went on holiday, and one text me even though he is extremely busy and we haven't really talked much for a month and he's not on facebook that often. From the other people, nothing. And yes, I'm aware that posting this is going to mean I get a backlash. About how busy they are and how I didn't remind them and all the times I have missed things and how they are going through a hard time at the moment. But, do you know what, I can take it. Because friendships need to evolve, and if I have missed things and they are going through a hard time and I didn't know or say anything to help, then we're both at fault and I need to know in order for the friendship to continue. And because, true friends, can take criticism, can say "I'm really sorry I didn't say anything and I'm sorry I wasn't there and why don't I come down for a cuppa and we'll catch-up and start over". And because I am so full of all these feelings this week that I have to get them out, and if people take it the wrong way and stop talking to me because of it, then that's their loss.

This is not really a positive post. But it's not really negative either. It is good, that I am learning more about myself, being able to be true to myself, not sitting back and thinking that unsupportive friendships are the only kind I deserve because I'm not good enough for the other kind. And also, it's helped me see more clearly who are my true friends, who out of the people I've recently met or re-connected with or met through forums, actually should be in my "REAL friends" list, should be nurtured and more effort be made with on my part. And that is a valuable lesson to learn.

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything

"The media's the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that's power. Because they control the minds of the masses."

Malcolm X

It's pretty hard to keep up with your blog when you can't talk about the thing that is foremost in your life at the moment. Or more to the point, when there is nothing that can be said about it because it is pure conjecture, made-up fantasy land stuff from the realms of a nightmare. What can I say?? Don't believe anything you see or read or hear in the media, I personally won't be buying a paper or watching the news for a long while, and I now understand where people are coming from when they say they don't read/watch the news. It's pointless. Inaccurate scare stories feed people's imaginations, make money, and ruin people's lives.
I have nothing to say, not because I know nothing, but because nothing has happened. All I will say is that I work in the best workplace I have ever worked in, with the most supportive staff team I have ever known, the best up-keep with regulations I have seen anywhere, and the safest most happy children ever. So no, to answer all the people that have asked me, I am not looking for a new job, I have one.

The July List

Ok, so I have really let this blog slide. Which is understandable, I moved house. But now my life is fairly settled, my house is finally feeling tidy (enough), a home and a place to be, and I've caught up with work paperwork, and only have one week left before the summer holidays, so I think it's time to jump back on it before I get lost all over again. Now, the list for July has some questionable things on it, such as:
2. Get freckles - I don't get extra ones
and 4. Go skimpy - No, I don't think so
and especially 6. Pull a sicky - Again, no, not an option
So, as it's half-way through the month, I figure I can miss up to half the things, so 3 knocked off is no trauma :D Here's the new list:

10 (or now 7) Do-it-just-do-it Things to Do in July

1. Grab life by the round things
3. Have extra cream on your strawberries (or extra strawberries on your cream if you are that way inclined)
5. Cut the crusts off your sandwiches
7. Stay out til it's actually properly dark
8. Party
9. Finish the icecream
10. Be lovely

Just a Little Moment

Last night, I got caught in the thunderstorm. Walking through the back streets of Bradford, with rain dripping down our faces and the flashes lighting up the skies, counting the gap between the lightning and thunder, and wearing only a thin cardigan and open ballerina shoes. And as we walked, and laughed, and counted, this is the song came into my head

It is not the big things, it is not the holidays and big nights out and house warmings and music festivals and birthdays. It is the small things, it is walking in the storm, it is making up a triop kit, it is eating cheesecake on the same day as shedloads of other people just because some dude on facebook created an event telling everybody to, it is playing Star Wars Guess Who and trying to figure out whether my character is on the Jedi Council or not, and most of all, it is being with the people you love and loving yourself being with them.

Make the most of the moments, because that is what life is made of. I'm hoping to have a bunch of them this summer, and for many years to come.

Do Unto Others As You Would Have Others Do Unto You

So I'm rather thoughtful at the moment. I kind of lost June, and that's ok. Sometimes it's better to just skip something than put pressure on yourself to do everything and anything. I'm tired as it is with keeping up at home and work, without putting silly pressure on myself to make up for a missing month on here. June 2011 will be forever the missing month. A month of moving and working and sports days and sun, of park visits and allergy meds and cocktails in Leeds and first time chilli making. There's a glimpse for you ;) I'm not skipping it because it was bad (it wasn't), so it's allowed :) You never know, the odd June photo might turn up every so often just to tantalise you!

So, back to the thoughtfulness. I have a lot of friends and family at the moment who are going through hard times. Obviously their own privacy is foremost here and it is not my place to divulge secrets, but I just wish, wish, I could take all their pain away. Money doesn't solve everything, but if I won the lottery I don't think I would have much of it left by the time I sorted myself out and helped everybody I would want to. But that would be fine with me, who needs money sitting in a bank account anyway.
I do think, that people need to think more. It is important to be honest, but that still can be done with tact. It is important to have your own opinions and not just run with the crowd, but that can still include being open minded. And, this quote has sprung to mind many a time this month:

"First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak out for me."
Niemoller

It doesn't matter if somebody is "different" to you (though what is different anyway?), everybody is people, and everybody deserves the chance to live and be treated with decency. On another note, whilst searching on youtube for videos relating to this quote, I came across real life Holocaust deniers. Wow, I didn't know they actually really existed in such a way as to be putting their views on youtube, I honestly can't believe that in this day and age people can STILL believe that it was all made up.

So, I found this:

I hope, one day, if I ever need to be spoken up for, that there will be somebody left to speak for me, as I have done for many others. I used to be prefer to be neutral (or Switzerland as somebody once put it), but now, now I prefer to be Me.

Oh, and talking of speaking out for people, this month, and next (and quite probably quite a few months after to be fair), are pretty tough months for my sister and her boyfriend, Katy and Justin, who became Mummy and Daddy to my gorgeous little nephew Isaac Edward Munford on August 10th 2010. Unfortunately we were only to have 2 weeks and 6 days with him before he was called up to Heaven.

Now, here is a picture of Isaac:

And here is a picture of his resting place, taken on the Royal Wedding Day:

My sister would love to be able to give him a headstone, and is currently raising money selling Mini Cakes to save up for this. If you would like to help, please take a look at Isaac Inspirations. All money raised from Mini Cakes goes to Isaac's Headstone Fund, all money raised from other items goes to the NeoNatal Unit at Leeds General Infirmary where Isaac was looked after by lovely nurses and doctors xx. I can testify that the Mini Cakes are extremely yummy :D

Now I am off to find other ways to help all the people that I care about that are having rough times xxx.

This song is stuck in my head at the moment. Whenever you see somebody suffering, think "There but for the Grace of God go I", and see what you can do to help.