A Month's Worth of Memories........

It is the 28th of February!!! The end of the month, the start of new beginnnings. And how funny is it, that in my new job, this term's focus is on "New Beginnings". How cool a coincidence is that, totally meant to be :D
My new job is fab, yes it is a trek but other than that it is great. The staff are friendly and it is well organised but laid back and relaxed and I really love it and am looking forward to working there.
So so so, it's time to think back on the month.
From my yearly list, I have made some excellent progress! I have booked the children on some adventures with me for later in the year, namely London and Kendal Calling (they still have tickets if anybody wants to adventure along with us!). I'm working on the photo, but am getting less hung up on the bad ones (as you will see below). I went to see Illuminatus with Roj, and as mentioned have booked to go to Kendal Calling. My house is getting lovelier every day, and I made some progress on Isaac's birth-sampler whilst in Scotland. I went to the cinema twice, and am going again on Wednesday. And, I have a job!!! WOOHOO!!
Now here's the fun random bit:
Start a trend - DONE - thanks to you lot reading this ;p
Watch an entire boxset in one sitting - Not done due to time restrictions, however am planning for this weekend, no need to get hung up on the delay :D
Bobble hat it up - See http://themorninggirl.blogspot.com/2011/02/story-of-not-post.html
Catch a snowflake on your tongue - The weather (which I was then blamed for, when surely it should be the fault of the author of my diary......) was on my side:

This is, admittedly, not a nice photo of me. But I am trying to get past that fact.

Get an early night - This was hard!! But I slightly managed it last night, the day before my new job. For me, 10pm is early, so there!

Take your favourite person out for cake - I made a cake, and ate it with my 2 favourite people, Jessica and Adam xx.

Send at least one Valentine's card (even better, send loads!) - I sent lovely Valentine's cards to lots of lovely people :D I then spread the love further by falling over, tipping the pram and bag up, and scattering confetti hearts all down Green Road :D

Stroke soft things (always ask permission) - This I did.

Draw on steamy windows - Me and Adam drew smiley faces on the windows in Scotland, but it wouldn't show up on the camera :(

Be lovely - This, I did. I am ALWAYS lovely ;p

All in all, it was a fab month, the first of many more to come. Here are some of the brilliant memories that were made this month:

Jessica missed her brother so she stole his pyjamas

 

 It's time for dancing!!!

 The beginning of the great teeth evacuation....... (Adam hates this photo but I'm trying to teach him the way of the wise ones in not being hung up on photos......also I think it's funny :D)

 A fun laughing night with friends

Cousins bonding in Scotland

Adventures in the Forest in Scotland

This month was a rollercoaster, there were sad times and bad times and hard times. But most importantly, there were fun times and good times and happy times and friend times and inspirational times. Apparently, it doesn't have to be bad things in our life that affect us, it can just be the lack of good things. So, if I ensure that my children have plenty of good times this will counteract the bad times. Because who can stop those happening, and truly, would we be the people we are without having persevered and struggled through those difficulties? I think not. I am a real person, and my friends are real people, and I want my children to be real people too. We live in the real world, and we must find our place within that.

 "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." Vince Lombardi

And on that note people - after sharing this link I shall be crazily dancing to "Do you love me" by The Contours - join me in this madness ;p

Snowy Road Trip Day!!!!

I am off on a snowy road trip with a loaded car, 2 kids, Aunty Katy and Uncle Justin!!!! I annoyingly have just taken a picture of me in the snow but have packed my camera lead so will have to upload it when I get back :(

Have a fun half-term, and don't miss me too much!!!

Higher, Higher and Higher!!!!!!

Woohoo!! I have found a festival, that is family friendly and not too overwhelmingly massive for the kids (and me haha), in the NORTH of England!!! How ace is that!!! I just need to figure out travel and tents etc, I am probably being totally too optimistic here, but I think that if I managed to get 5 trains to Wales and back with Adam at 3 (and still in nappies), with a pram, and 5 days worth of luggage. Then surely I should be able to manage with them both on a train with only 1 change, and a shuttle bus? I mean, I'll only need enough stuff for the 3/4 days, and you can get those little pop-up type tent things right? Uhm, yes, I'm being wildly optimistic I know, but sometimes you have to be!! And, I managed with a buggy and a kids suitcase and a massive rucksack and a little bag on all those trains, so I figure if I have the same but with an extra 7 year old to help me pull/carry things, should be ok? Hahaha, I know, I'll figure something out I'm sure. I really really really want to go!!! It would be cool if other people wanted to come along too, but I have decided that I should go anyway with the kids and not be a scaredy-cat just because nobody else can come.
Ah, so, that is my hyper-ness over and done with for the night. And breath. I'm really looking forward to starting my new job after the hols, can't believe how lucky I've been to find somewhere that seems so nice and friendly and small and well-organised. And Adam is totally chuffed that I'll be off in the school holidays, bless him.
I have been told, by a qualified therapist, that lists are a good thing. So "ner" to all you people who have laughed at my list-making. Apparently, it breaks things down into manageable chunks, helps our brain to process, and means we are more likely to complete the tasks. HA!!
And on that note, I have had lots of people asking about the cleaning method I put on facebook yesterday. I purposely put on facebook I was cleaning so I wouldn't be able to be distracted on there! Now, I did get the idea from somewhere on the internet and I've forgotten where, and I have adapted it anyway, so I'm going to call it "Chaos Clean" (thanks to Sarah Iles for that idea!), that way I won't be stealing anybody else's title (I think it was called a Crisis Clean, so this is NOT a Crisis Clean :D)

Chaos Clean Rules

1. Don't get distracted doing extra things that don't really need doing right now, or distracted by moving things between rooms.
2. Make sure you're fully dressed so you feel properly awake
3. Have happy energetic music playing on a playlist so you don't have to keep skipping tracks etc.

Then, you start in the kitchen. 15 minutes. Get rid of all the rubbish, stack the washing up + put things to soak etc. Anything that doesn't belong there just stack by the door. When 15 minutes is up, stop immediately. Move to the living room, taking the door pile with you. Again, get rid of any rubbish, and stack anything that doesn't belong in there by appropriate door (hall if belongs upstairs, kitchen if belongs in there). Just work your way through, sorting things into piles. After 15 minutes, immediately stop. Go back to the kitchen, carry on what you were doing. After 15 minutes, stop and have a 15 minute break. Then start the cycle again, but instead of doing the kitchen twice (that's just a kick-start cos kitchen usually messiest), do a different room i.e. bathroom or bedroom. So for example: Kitchen, Living Room, Kitchen, BREAK. Living Room, Kitchen, Bathroom. Remember to only do 15 minutes in each room or you'll get bored and lose motivation, and have 15 min break every 45 minutes. I personally, only do 2 cycles at a time because the bedrooms I usually do on a night when the children aren't here so 2 cycles does all my downstairs and bathroom. You won't believe how much you get done! As one person commented, at first you feel guilty leaving a room half-done, but then you go back to it you feel like it's easier because you've already done half of it x.

I think, this approach can be applied to lots of things in life. You look at something and think it's overwhelming. But if you divide it up into manageable chunks, you can do it. And you need to remember, to always give yourself a break. Far too often we beat ourselves up over things that really we shouldn't. Everybody is human, everybody deserves to blow off a little steam, have a little rant, have a little slob, and then pick themselves up and start over. Step by step, day by day. This week I had a lot on and my mind was totally going crazy. I wrote it all down, divided it up between the days, and then thought "oh, I don't have that much to do each day."

Today's song is "Don't Worry, Be Happy" Bobby McFerrin, followed by "Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher" Jackie Wilson. I distinctly remember dancing madly around with a 4 year old to these songs in my last job, and that vision will always be with me :D

"Yeah I'm Down, But I Know I'll Get By"

Ah. My house, 3 hours ago, was an absolute complete bombsite. You could barely see the living room floor, and every single kitchen surface was covered. And the floor was covered in dry pasta. So, I decided, tonight was the night!!! I planned my playlist, and I dug out my crisis clean plan. And after starting at 18.55, at 20.50 I was done. Is it pretty damn tidy? Yes. Is it completely finished? No. Do I have tomorrow night to finish it? Yes. So is there a need to kill myself completing it tonight? No.
We must learn our limitations. If I clean for hours on end today, tomorrow I will be tired, I will be fed up, I will not keep up with cleaning or feel like doing anything else, and by Friday I will be back in a mess. So, I promised myself I would finish by 9pm, and I have. And I still feel good. Now I feel like the rest of my week is achievable, if I can clear that much mess in that much time then the rest should be fine!
My favourite song at the moment is "Someday I'll be Saturday Night" by Bon Jovi. Take the time to listen to the lyrics, they're good :D
"Some day, I'll be Saturday night, I'll be back on my feet I'll be doing alright. It may not be tomorrow baby that's ok, I ain't goin down I'm goin to find a way...."
It doesn't have to be today, or tomorrow. It doesn't have to be anytime. But one day, it will be time.
I have signed up for my next Open University course. I figured if I did the last one whilst pregnant and working where I was and the hours I was, then I should be ok haha! I've decided to alter course a bit though, as I've discovered recently that I really enjoy helping people figure stuff out. And, uhm, my therapist was stealing ideas from me today............
I feel like, since I started writing this, I have also started talking to people a lot more. I feel "amiated" nearly every day, and have also received some lovely messages from people about this blog helping them. Next week I am going on holiday and it's going to be strange, with no internet. But hopefully it will give me time to reflect and have space, and finish Isaac's birth sampler which has been sorely neglected in the past month!! Obviously, you will all miss me so badly that when I come back it will be to a zillion facebook messages practically begging me to write something, anything, immediately. You will be happy to know that I will be taking a notebook and pen with me to write down any strange bizarre wanderings my mind takes, and any scarily insightful remarks made by Adam. Also, I will be taking the camera to record all of the mishaps Jessica manages to get herself into and involve the rest of the family in. If you see any strange news on the tv concerning Dumfries, just pretend you never heard of us. But, that is not until Saturday, so I am sure to be back with my crazy ramblings before then. And on that note, I am off to eat cake and watch some sky plus in my lovely tidy living room xx.

"When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change...."

It is definitely true that giving is far more rewarding than receiving. Today, I felt very happy that I had given other people something positive to think about themselves, it helped me to then feel good about myself too.
I have a new photo on my facebook profile. It isn't a traditional "perfect" photo, but actually I pretty much like it, it shows a bit of personality. It was a very random photo, taken by Christian when I wasn't really thinking, but it shows, I think, that I was rather relaxed at that point in the night, which is rather good.
Past events definitely shape who we are. I was told, the other day, that you can do traditional counselling and find out why you are like you are. But. Then what? You're still like you are. And it's right. You can pretty much figure it out yourself if you think back on your past and use your common sense to apply meaning to what happened then and how it could have affected your life now.
The fact is, a lot of bad things happen. But it's how we use those experiences that matter. And if it weren't for those bad things, I would not be who I am today. I would not be so open-minded, so tolerant, so able to fit in many different situations, so friendly to people I've never met, so caring, so determined to not screw my kids up, so passionate about the rights of the ordinary people, so crazy, so secretive, so expressive, so thoughtful. And I wouldn't have my children.
I am all of those things, I am amazing. We are all amazing, we wake up every day and we go out there and we take things on the chin and we learn from them, and we let them shape us, and we show our children how to get through these things and we never, ever, give up. You can never give up on life, because it sure as hell never gives up on you. And you can never regret your past, because without it you wouldn't be you. And you, are totally and utterly amazing.
Valentines Day is not about being a part of a couple. Valentines Day is about being loved. Everybody is loved by somebody, and many people are loved by many somebodies. Valentines Day is a day to love yourself, to reclaim that right. To say, hey do you know what? I don't care what anybody else thinks, I am bloody amazing, and life, life is pretty amazing too. Take hold of life and run with it. This year, I am going to run in the woods, and jump in the mud, and kick the leaves. This year, I am going to take trains and buses and explore my country, and open my mind to all it has to offer. I'm going to go to Whitby Harbour because Adam wants to know if it's really smelly, and take the train to London to see one of my best friends. I'm going to go meet a bunch of brilliant ladies in Edinburgh, and see the SkyLine Gang at Butlins. I'm going to take the kids to a festival so Adam can hear real music, and carry Jessica on my back so she can see all the action. This year, is going to be amazing, and if you are reading this, then your year is going to be amazing too, because you are part of my year x.
I would now suggest, you go listen to "The Size of a Cow" by The Wonder Stuff, followed by "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. And obviously, you have to do as I say. Because, well, I am wonderfully amazing ;p

Feeling Alive.........so that's what was missing

I have just got home from watching a totally awesome band. I stood watching them, and I felt the music running through me and I became totally immersed and I just felt alive and like this was what had been missing from me for so long - music. I need music in my life, it is part of me and who I am and when I am in a room with a band, everything makes sense. It made me laugh that people were shocked I was going to Gasworks tonight, and wondering if I would like it. It just shows how much, in the last years, I have not been me. I am not a music snob, I like any kind of music at all, with the exception of hardcore dance type stuff. I even have Britney Spears greatest hits and am not ashamed to admit it! But if I had to choose just one type of music to listen to for the rest of my life, it would be loud, it would have guitars in it, and it would totally rock. Where I was tonight, I was happy. If there is one place, in this coming year, that I will manage to dance as if noone were watching, it will be there.
I would have quite gladly stayed out all night however my back is currently rather fragile for reasons known only to itself and as I am looking after myself well at the moment I decided to come home. And I am sat, in my lovely relaxing bedroom. Last night, when my friends came around, they loved my house. I felt so happy that they loved it and it just makes me love it even more! It is nice to have somewhere to be, that is my space, and I would definitely recommend everybody to invest in making their bedroom more peaceful and tidy and calming and an adult space to just be you. Far too often we get lost in ourselves, being a mum, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a carer, a peacemaker, a problem-solver. Everybody needs space, just to be themselves.

Let The Children Lead The Way

So. Today. Today was all about the kids. Adam had his best friend over for tea, and I don't think I stopped laughing from the moment I picked them up from school to the moment I dropped him back with his mum. Kids, they sure do teach you to look on the bright side. On the way home from school, they were messing with a traffic cone and Adam ended up getting his wobbly front tooth knocked out by his friends hand. Blood all over the place. What's the first thing he says? "Oh wow, tooth fairy!!!" Shortly followed by "At least I'd finished my sweets". If there is a child on the planet who knows how to look on the bright side, he has got to be it. Here are some more sage words of wisdom from the dynamic duo:
"You shouldn't have sticks cos you know if you wave them about you could scratch a car" - at this point we were nowhere near a car, nor any sticks.
"Adam, you know your sister, she's standing on my toes and it's hurting." "Well, she just thinks she's dancing with you, it's how you learn to dance by standing on people's feet".
"My other front tooth is going to fall out soon." "Do you remember when Lauren had no front teeth?" "I remember when I pulled Lauren's hair in nursery and she gave me a nosebleed, she could've just pulled my hair back!"
"I remember when somebody swore at me so I told the teacher so they swore at me again." "I don't know any swear words." "Don't you??" Me (from the other room) "Don't teach him any!!" Adam - "This is a private conversation!!"
"I'm not eating that pizza it's got your germs on it, your mum can cos she's got same germs as you." "That's cos she's got same blood as me." "I've got a bit of same blood as you cos I'm your friend. Hannah has the same blood as you cos she's your girlfriend"
Both of them looked at Jessica eating tea. "How can she get so mucky and not want to clean herself?"
Whilst walking Harrison home in the dark, we were obviously keeping an eye out for witches. "Can you see the Snow White witch over there?" "Oh yeah she is, but she's far away." "That's cos my Isaac teddy is keeping us safe."
"Shall we look at school in the dark?" "We could sleep there" "No, it's a witch school at night, look that's the witchs hair" (points at trees). "No, it's the mane of the evil headmaster, they're in there now learning evil spells and if they see us the trees will say - YOU WILL GET A DETENTION (said in a very evil gravelly voice by Adam).

Kids are hilarious. It is absolutely impossible to be unhappy when you have these crazy children around, wiggling their bums to "I want you back" on the Wii, and trying to blag my head about tooth fairies giving TEN POUNDS for first front teeth when they fall out. Hmm.

So, today was a good day. I also had a really good night chatting to an old friend, who has now determined that I definitely need to get a scanner to embarrass lots of people with photos from my now legendary house parties. Mainly involving pretzels, straws, and beanbag balls, among many other things. And do you know what? My teenage years were fun!! Too often we look back and think of the negative, what went wrong and what we should have done. But it's the small things, the fun times, that maybe weren't life changing but whilst we were there and living them, we were alive. We were real, we were us, and even now they make us smile just remembering.

I have my job interview tomorrow. And if I don't get the job, it won't be because I'm not good enough. It will just be because somebody else is better. But that is not the same as me not being good enough, because I know I would be super fantastic at this job. Everything happens for a reason, events shape who we are, and I have to say that right now, tonight, I like being me.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow, You're only a day away.......

There is nothing negative allowed on this blog.
Some days, there does not appear to be a bright side. There are some things in life, that you can't make a bright side of, and if you tried it would be rather inappropriate. And some days, you can have a pretty major setback and not really know how to get out of there again.
Today, is Totally Wow Wednesday. And here is my Wow moment.
A bad day, can just be a bad day. It doesn't have to be a setback. Instead of letting it consume you, embrace it. Yes, it's a bad day, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, so just do what you have to, then watch tv, and eat junk. Tomorrow, you can start over. The slate will be clean. Just because there isn't a bright side, doesn't mean that it isn't all part of some future amazing plan.

"Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings." Ralph Blum

The song that's coming into my head as I write this is technically a Christmas song, but I think I can get away with it.
"Sometimes life is not all it can be
And here we are
Wondering just how far this road can lead
And here we are
And from the darkness shines a bright burning star
And who we are is changing within our hearts

One night, One moment
And everything's changed
One night, One moment
And everything's changed

Tonight is so pure and so special
We'll never feel lonely again
Cos we are all standing together
As friends
And everything's changing forever
One Night, One Moment"

Friends are the most important thing in the whole world. If you have friends, you can do absolutely anything. You can even clear your bio-hazard of a kitchen, get the bin put out before the binmen come, and get your toddler to go to sleep :D

The Story of a "Not" Post

I was totally determinedly NOT going to do a post tonight. But then I remembered something from a Music School long long ago, and decided to look it up. Unfortunately I couldn't find it anywhere, but basically it was like a demonstration of how dark can not put out light, light will always prevail. If anyone has any clue what I am talking about please enlighten us all ;p
Anyway, it made me think. Whilst we were at Music School, we learned many things. And most of those were about finding another way. I always remember the duvet cover trick - in fact I bet along with me there are a whole host of adults out there putting their duvet covers on the "music school way". The duvet cover, it is hard to put on, you get tangled up, the more you try the harder it gets until you end up sat in a heap on the floor wondering what went wrong. Or, you could try turning the duvet cover inside out, putting your hands inside, gripping both corners of the duvet and shaking it over the top. Takes seconds.
Often, the only way to find the Bright Side is to turn things on their head, pull them inside out, and do the thing that you were most sure you couldn't. There is always another way, and quite often it's outside of the box.
So, here we are people, my outside of the box, totally random moment of the day:

I bobble-hatted it up!!! And, I put out there a photo of me that is not perfect and is not brilliant, but do you know what? It's not "that" bad, in fact I'd go as far as to say my eyes look quite nice. I also stroked soft things today............but that's all I'm going to say about that.................;p
Oh and by the way, tomorrow is "TOTALLY WOW WEDNESDAY". IF you love me, make it happen!!!

"High apple pie, in the sky hopes....."

Today, I have a job :D So that is one thing ticked off my yearly list after only 5 days, wow I am brilliant. I went for my counselling assessment today, and he told me I was pretty much being my own therapist and that this blog is an excellent thing to do. So there we go, the official seal of approval.
I'm also making some progress on my monthly list. Because I have tricked all of you into reading this blog, I have therefore as a nice little side-effect "Started a trend". And I am still working on number 7, which is going to be so brilliant it is unbelievable.
I am pretty chuffed about the job as the nursery looks very well resourced and the owners are also the managers and wear the uniforms and clean up sick and buy whatever is needed straight away and fund extra staff for children needing support out of their own pocket until funding comes through. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, to be frank. So now I have 3 weeks to organise Jessica - hahahaha.
So, today, according to my diary, is "Try a new flavour day". Which is rather tricky as being brought up in a big family and looked after by a zillion different people, I've tried a lot of things food. So I just tried the thing on the pub menu that I would never normally have and is pretty different from what I'd normally choose. Quorn Chilli with rice, sour cream and tortilla chips. Here we are:

And do you know what? It was really really nice and I'm really pleased I did it! I'm one of those people who eats the same few things every time I go out because I'm worried I won't like something different, but from now on I'm going to make an effort to really choose other foods, especially ones that I wouldn't cook at home.

I found this quote today.
It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
       - Theodore Roosevelt

And I remembered coming across this from my teenage poetry days:
"I do not want to
Should-could-would-have been
I want to Be
To live and to do all the should-haves"

I had high hopes for myself back then. I must regain those. I have just read the back cover of my diary, it says "Fantasticness One Brilliant Day At A Time". I like that.

The Bright Side of Life

I have discovered today that I am incredibly clever. Psychic in fact. Today, I have done nothing at all, because Adam wanted to stay at home and do nothing, and Jessica was rather tired and clingy. And then, when I looked in my diary just now, it said "Pottering only Sunday". So, now I am completely justified in the decision I made this morning. I must remember to check it every morning - would hate to miss out on an event like that :D
So, Friday 4th Feb was supposed to be "bake a cake day". But I didn't do it, because I was going out Friday night and didn't have the children back until Saturday so I figured it would be wasted. I have made the executive decision to move it to next Friday (the 11th), when I have my friends coming around so I can feed it to them.
I had a chance to look on the bright side today. A friend decided to come around tonight to see me as I wasn't having a completely fabulous day. However they then realised they had to do something else that is rather important. This upset me for a while (although I must add I was not upset with the friend as it was a genuinely good reason), but as always, determined not to falter in the early days of this year of adventures, I found the bright side. I had tidied up for my friend coming, so now I am sat in a lovely tidy house, with spare time on my hands to relax. Indeed, there is always a silver lining to every grey cloud. I seem to remember when my mum used to say that to me, I always replied with "so then, there's always a grey cloud with every silver lining, right?" Argh, in 5 and a bit years I too shall be the parent of a teenager and truly understand why my mother's hair went grey.
So, tonight, with my lovely clean house and free time, me and Adam set up his Triops tank.

Which also has an extra bonus, in that it made me tidy my desk. Here it is:

I'll tidy the floor tomorrow...........

Today's lesson - Love myself more

I have painted my nails tonight. For no specific reason except to prove to myself I could do it, after yesterday's disastrous attempt. And I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror (genuinely, I was not looking, there is a very big mirror in my bedroom which often seems to follow me around and catch my eye at the most inconvenient times). And do you know, I looked at myself, in my dark skinny jeans and my long-sleeve black top, with my expertly painted nails, my hair in a messy bun and my vintage style watch. And I thought, bloody hell Dawn why on earth do you feel rubbish tonight?
So, I am going to write a list of ten things that I love about being me. This may take a while.
1. My body (when fully clothed) looks pretty good - apparently, especially my bum
2. I have never said anything bad about Adam's biological father to him, so he does not hate him and has less issues to deal with in that area
3. I am quite clever :D Especially at maths, and english, and analysing situations
4. I studied full-time (and passed) whilst looking after a toddler by myself
5. I studied again (and passed again), whilst holding down a stressful full-time job and being pregnant/having a newborn baby
6. I have made my house look beautiful and my children feel at home
7. I have long hair and I love it
8. When nobody is around, I dance in my bedroom to "empowering" songs, then collapse on the bed laughing. It's kind of fun.
9. When I am having a bad day, my children never know
10. I have lots of really good friends, who are always around for me

Wow, that was hard. It is very hard to think of nice things to say about yourself and your life. I must do it more often. If you are reading this, you should write something that you love about yourself as a comment. I promise it will cheer you up. And also, as a little side-effect, it will make me feel less big-headed ;p

I definitely need to work on the dancing issue. When I am out, I can't dance. I physically just can not do it. I feel like everybody will look at me and think I look stupid and I just freeze up. When really, I imagine more people probably look at me because I am not dancing when everybody else is!! So I am going to add dancing to my yearly list, but I think that is going to be a tough one to crack. I have, on occasion, got incredibly drunk and danced quite a lot. But even then, I have to be a specific level of drunk AND in the right mood, and I can probably count on one hand the amount of times in the last ten years it has happened. I don't know why I have this issue, but it's been around as long as I can remember. If anyone disputes this and remembers me dancing in clubs a lot at any specific age, please feel free to correct me as it may help me figure out what went wrong.
I almost apologised tonight for this blog being neither exciting nor interesting. But I stopped myself. Because it is excellent and amazing and wonderful, because I wrote it. I found some poems I wrote as a teenager, and they make me laugh, I obviously thought I was so cynical and cool and knew more than anybody else lol.

Careers, Future Plans, or Fate
Red and blue, confused
Don't know what
Know what I want
Do you?
Do I know or you
Confused
Blue

Everybody, fireman, sales
Policeman, airplane maker
Choices, young age
Made
Stamped in red, forever
Never
Change your mind

Stuck, rutlike, 17
Where's your future
Where's the dream
Gone, vanished
Stuck, rutlike
Money, rent and bills

Quick and easy
Cosy little room
Plan out your future
Paper, pen
What was that again
No, do this
Future plan now exists

Do exams and fail them all
Wreck your future have a ball
Start again
Do something new
Forget the stigma
Change your mind

Don't know what
What to do
Go for red
For freedom, love
Not blue
Not what to do
Just you

Today I was me

Last night, I went to the cinema, and figured out it's the first time in 5-6 years that I have been to see a film without Adam. And it was bliss and I loved it and it is one thing from my yearly list I am very much looking forward to doing again next month. To sit, in a cinema, completely immersed in a film, and munching salted popcorn, is one of life's pleasures I had truly missed. And it was interesting to learn something I had no knowledge of previously, and know that people can overcome such adversity in their lives, despite the misgivings of others. And it also made me realise that only a man who would abdicate his throne for me, is truly worthy of my attention :D
I have a plan for number 7 of my february list, and it will also cover the be lovely part of this month. Of course, being lovely is very easy for me as I am naturally a wonderfully lovely person. If you would like to be part of this plan, please send me your address - don't be shy I need volunteers. I promise not to send ninjas to attack you, although obviously don't volunteer if, when thinking about our friendship, you fear this may be the case.
Something very important happened today. I talked to two friends about real things. In fact, the first person, so very real things that I couldn't believe I was saying some of the things to her that I did, and that somebody had said the same things to me once and I hadn't always listened. I told her this, and she laughed. And we both laughed, and she did listen and I did help her and everything is going to be ok now.
Today I laughed, and I listened, and I talked, and I thought, and I realised. Today was a good day, today I was me.

The February List

• Start a trend
• Watch an entire box set in one sitting
• Bobble hat it up
• Catch a snowflake on your tongue
• Get an early night
• Take your favourite person out for cake
• Send at least one Valentine's card (even better, send loads)
• Stroke soft things (always ask permission)
• Draw on steamy windows
• Be lovely

In the beginning......

I can't bring myself to start new things in January. It's far too cliche. Plus I was rather busy moving house and spending all my money that I didn't have. So February is the beginning. The second of February to be exact, as again, beginning new things on the first of the month is rather too normal. And yesterday was a rubbish day, not a day to say "hey this is the start of my year", I mean that would have just been thoughtless and stupid.
So, today is the day. One hitch - I have no good photos of me. It is the eternal question - are there really no good photos of me, or do I just not like myself enough? I am not sure, when I look in the mirror recently I actually quite like myself. I think I look pretty good. But photos never ever seem to reflect what I see in the mirror. Or maybe I just need more recent photos. I shall add it to my list.
So the year is 2011. I have a list of things I would like to do this year. I also have lists in my diary of things I should do every month. Now, I am not going to mindlessly do everything on the lists, some of them are just not my thing. But I will try to cheat and fit them in through different ways, and I feel that will satisfy my need to have lists and complete them.
I shall add my goals for the Year of Adventures to the side of this blog. It may change when you are least expecting it.
At the beginning of every month, I shall publish my list and I may post some extra goals. I welcome any constructive comments on how to achieve these and any goals other people think may be an interesting addition. I am not the Yes Man, and I shall not say Yes to everything, because I am clever, not stupid :D
Throughout the month, I will update on the adventures I am having through the lists, and anything else that is vaguely interesting, or not as the case may be.
My family always say I like lists, I think it is good to let them be right once in a while.