"I come in peace...."

So, obviously, as I practically live on facebook when I am stressed, most people will know that I have to move house. And really, I should be grateful that I got 11 weeks notice. They could've just given me one month's notice. And they do seem very eager for me to get the house tomorrow, so hopefully the owner will like me. Fingers crossed.
I knew something would go wrong soon. Things were going far too well, tempting fate and all that. And you know, they do say sometimes that doors close so that other doors can open. The house we're going to look at tomorrow is on the same street as Adam's best friend at school, so that will give him somebody to play with, and it is also only around the corner from where Adam goes to Beavers/Cubs so that might also have some potential for an easier life. Got to look on the bright side and all that!
Sometimes it's kind of tiring, looking on the bright side and being strong all the time. I will sadly confess that I did slightly snap at somebody for saying I was strong today. But I apologised, because they are the last person in the world I want to fall out with right now, and they were being nice, it was just me being rubbish. Sometimes, I just get a bit fed up of always handling everything and being capable and knowing how to do everything and always working things out and being strong and dealing with things. Sometimes, I just wish somebody would come knock on my door, give me a hug, clean up my kitchen, make me coffee and cake, and tell me everything will be fine. I tripped over Buzz Lightyear just now, he said "I come in peace", and I thought, I wish..............

You know, when you just need to write.............

I have taken a cool picture of the kids, squished next to each other on the sofa with baseball caps on, bless them. Adam put his new transformers cap on as soon as I showed him it, leading Jessica to point to his grey one from last year and demand it on. So they sat and watched Toy Story 3, eating sweets, with baseball caps on. Bless. Jessica's favourite laugh out loud bit of the film? When Big Baby blows a raspberry at Lotso, she killed herself laughing, pointing her fingers and blowing raspberries at the tv lol.
So I have this picture, and Adam said "please can you put it on facebook" hahaha. Children of the new technological age and all that. But I can't find my camera lead, gutted, really wanted to put it on cos it's cute. And cos he asked me to, which is also cute.
Tonight, I am in a funny mood. Today has been good, a really fun day, and had a good time with the kids tonight, and it's the start of the holidays and we have lots of cool plans and things are really starting to come together in all different ways. So earlier I was really really happy. And I guess, really, I am really really happy. But that is freaking me out somewhat. This song is a bit of how I feel right now, I guess.

Because, well, everything is too easy right now. I mean, not everything, some things are still a little rocky, but I'm handling them well and getting lots of support, therefore they then become easy. Surely it's not right, that everything is so easy? It's kind of scary, like being on the edge waiting for something to go wrong. Hmmmm. We'll see. I felt the need to blog tonight, which hasn't happened for a while. I've done them because I wanted to, but not because I needed to, like right in the beginning when I started it was definitely always because I needed to. Somebody said to me the other day, that the reason they were worried is because they were happy. And now, I kind of understand what they meant.

It's all going on........:D

Ah, I have spent half the night on the Tube website planning our trip to London next week. Thanks to a suggestion from a lovely April BB lady I have discovered the Transport Museum so will be headed there, along with trips to the Natural History and Science Museum, a looooooooong walk around Hamley's, and of course, let's not forget "WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE IMPERIAL WAR MUSEUM, OBVIOUSLY MUMMY!" Duh, there was me thinking we went there last year and he'd not mentioned World War 2 for a while. Ah well, least Jess might see a bit this time, she slept through most of it last year lol.
So now I am all excited, have also planned most of the rest of the holidays out, have a few spare days weather permitting we might go to Lister Park + funfair next Wednesday or Thursday if anybody fancies it (potentially Thursday in the hope of wearing them out for the train ride Thursday evening :D). I have bought Jessica's birthday presents with my mum last night, apparently I should've bought either the car OR the kitchen, but hey they're only young once, be right ;p Haven't bought Adam's present to her yet either, oops.
Recently, I feel my whole life has been taken over by Tesco. I work near Tesco, and everybody shops there because it's the only supermarket nearby. The children wear loads of Tesco clothes, we have snack from Tesco, and when the new children ask where their parents are we say they've gone to Tesco to buy milk and will be back soon. If one of the owners has nipped out, the children usually say "Gone to Tesco?" Then, you know, the new relationship I sort of mentioned, well he works at another Tesco. And then I ordered my garden table and chairs, and only place I could get them from - Tesco Direct. My friend says "My mum's moved to Great Horton", I say "Oooh where I work there", she says "Just round the corner from that big Tesco". TESCO TESCO TESCO hahahahahahaha, and to think I've not been in the place for years prior to this. Anyway, so tonight I decided to buy tea in Bradford on the way home, I'd missed the bus to town so I thought, you know what, might aswell go to Tesco for food then can just go straight home. So, as mentioned on Facebook, I went over to the dark side, and entered Tesco. Had a wander around, bought a garlic crusher that I've been forgetting to buy for a month, and then, accidently bumped into the childrenswear department. Wow, it is actually not bad!!! Hello Kitty knickers for Jessica (she is liable to potty-train soon, a whole year earlier than Adam did!), a Transformers hat for Adam. Plus countless other items including StarWars + Sonic tshirts for half the price last years cost me at Next. Luckily, both children actually need new clothes, having decided to grow out of virtually everything, including shoes + coats, at exactly the same time as each other. So, might actually go back again sometime, definitely a better selection than Asda, which is pretty much Winnie-the-pooh, tigger, or pink, and stripes + skulls for boys. The toy selection was awesome too, but I resisted. Because, well, I think I won't be able to resist letting them choose something from Hamleys. So NO toys until then.
Tonight, I have planned out all our Easter holidays. I am sorting all their clothes out tonight, going shopping for new clothes for me tomorrow and the remainder of their's on Monday whilst they are with me. I am feeling really organised and upbeat and like everything is finally falling into place and coming together. I have lots of things to look forward to in the next month, with birthdays and parties and trips away, and just some quality chilling out time at home.
To that end, I'm going to post one of my favourite ever songs on here. It is, obviously, written by Bon Jovi. And, well, it just has been one of those songs that seems to crop up often for me, when things are changing around. Right now, I think it is more apt than ever.

Tomorrow, I am going shopping to buy some clothes for me, for just when I want to be me. Not going out clothes or work clothes, just me clothes. And then I am going to spend two weeks with some of my favourite people in the world, and then I am going back to work and taking Jessica with me and I know she will love it, and I will love really getting back into work mode as we are getting busier. And then, well who knows, but some pretty good things are lined up, a birthday meal out and a silver anniversary party and a long weekend, and spring bank holidays, and a music festival, and a long summer holiday in the garden, and well just lots and lots of simple good times with simple good people, and yes, it's just life, life is happening and yes it is looking good xx.

You Live You Learn

I have had an amazingly busy week, with lots of things happening. And it's caused me to look back and think. In the last 6 months, I have moved house and area, returned to work and got a new job, ended a long-term relationship, made some really good new friends, drifted from a couple of old ones, gone back to church, changed many of my own personal goals and plans for the future, and possibly, albeit rather tentatively, started a new relationship - the gossip train's are up and running, might as well confirm it, but shhhhhh because I am a bit shy :s. That's quite a lot of change for one person. But, good change. And that is the key, changes can be good, if you make the right decisions. I have had important decisions to make this week, and am hoping that I have made the right ones, so fingers crossed!!

This weekend has been one of those weekends that feels like it has stretched on forever, like it's ages since I have been at work. And as I finally found my house keys and camera, we have been in the back garden, and taken lots of pictures!!

Nappies drying outside where they belong!

The tree I tore down with my bare hands :D

 The decimated tree...........yeah Jessica could snap it too, I guess it was kinda dead......



 Jessica being embarrassed that she had got herself trapped

 I will FORCE my way through!!!

 Putting them to work - not exactly child labour, it is going to be their area!

 TaDa!!!!

 Outdoor living ahhhhhhh......

 Adam seemed to look very old to me this Sunday :( and :), mixed feelings :s

 And then Jessica let me plait her hair and looked all grown up too!!!

 Jessica's first plait

 So all is good - but now what do we do with this lot???



 So, yes, to be fair, I am still up and down. The smallest things can make me feel rubbish yet big massive things I can sometimes handle. It works the other way though, the smallest things can make me feel on top of the world. And it's those small things that need to be focused on, rather than the ones that have a negative affect.

Today was a good day because:

I got the washing put out on the line before I set off for work and still set off on time

I thought I had only enough money for a fare to Bradford, but then my card had money on so I could get a dayrider

The weather brightened up just at the right time for me to go home with no coat on

I got the washing up done before both children came home tonight

The washing outside was all dry despite the earlier rain shower

I got invited to a party

All those little things just made me feel happy and alive. I love my job, and my house is great, my garden is amazing, and I have incredibly great friends and family.

I just feel there is a lot to do right now, so much to organise and work out, and I often feel like I'm walking through a minefield, constantly negotiating and retracing my steps, and it's kind of tiring. Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward my life to a more settled time, but then how would I learn anything or grow into who I am supposed to be? And as I write this, "We live, we learn" is coming into my head. Think it's an Alanis Morisette song, must find it. Ah, here we go:

Today's thought? Ask yourself this question - What's the worst that could happen? And if you can live with that, then do it.

The April List

Here we go:
10 Interesting and Experimental things to do in April:

1. Play tiddlywinks
2. Stay out late
3. Sing in the shower
4. Jump in puddles
5. Turn some heads
6. Consider flip flops
7. BE SPONTANEOUS* (on Tuesdays only)
8. Attempt a world record
9. Call your mum everyday
10. Be lovely
11. (bonus thing) Plant something and watch it grow

And some extra things I need to add:
12. Stop worrying so much about what other people think when I'm happy
13. Be strong and don't let people get me down

This month we will also be going to London, having 2 weeks off work together, and celebrating Jessica's birthday - the family side of it, the rest will be in May so let's not cheat and put that in here ;)
Oh, and I must go to the cinema again this month, send me film ideas please!!!!

Looking back on March....

Ah.....looking at my March list I have been rather neglectful. I really didn't do much. I did notice the snowdrops in February though, so could excuse myself that one. Couldn't help noticing them, every 2 minutes in the car in Scotland my mum would be "kids, snowdrops, left hand window, LOOK" and although I am no longer a kid, I am still her child, and definitely felt compelled to do as I was told :D
I didn't say "white rabbits" and I haven't exactly spring-cleaned, but then maybe I have spring-cleaned my head a little, so that would count. Baby animals, smaby animals, my own kids are cute enough. Pancakes I did do, just with 2 people, and that was a quiet yet good evening. I have not left any pennies, but strangely enough did find one myself in bed on Friday morning....hmmm hope nobody has been reading my diary......well, since I put it publicly on the internet then I suppose I can't really complain :p
The supporting a team idea baffled me. For one month, is that truly supporting? I support my friends, that's enough.

I jumped though, oh yes I jumped! I jumped in the playground having races with a 2 yr old on a space hopper, and I jumped up and down and then stopped and started again on the requests of 3 year olds - simple pleasures. I jumped up and down to shake my holdall and try and get it to fasten to take to Edinburgh, and I jumped up and down trying to fasten the zip on the back of my dress last night. I jumped around my living room whilst dancing to various songs, including "Born This Way", "Do You Love Me", "Pearl" (well maybe not exactly dancing to this one....), "Strong Enough", "Goodbye To You" (The Veronicas's - ace but very peppy song lol!), "F***in Perfect", and obviously "Firework"... hmmmmmmm it's been a fun month!

Still couldn't dance last night. Well, I kind of attempted it more than I have done previously, but I was just too self-conscious, plus it didn't help that the guy I was dancing with was nice and funny but, well, let's not go there but it just wasn't what I was wanting really last night. And the people I was out with, they are really good dancers, and really confident at it, I wish I was like that. But hey, you can't have everything, and apparently I looked really nice so that's good right :D
I think, this morning, I have decided I am going through a Katy Perry time. Her songs are rather girly, which quite possibly explains the girl brain I was exhibiting on Thursday night causing me to be picked on lol. But ah, be fine, it's just a phase I'm sure.
Anyway, to get back on track. I haven't alphabetised anything, except perhaps when I'm trying to find a track on Spotify and I sort alphabetically by album, that counts right?
I didn't send zillions of postcards and letters, but I have a stack of envelopes next to me to be posted shortly, so I'm sure that makes up for it :D And I did accept lots of invites, and lots of good things came out of those so I'd say it's definitely worth doing.
I went to Edinburgh, and had a completely fabulous time, and will be going back with the children at some point as I'm pretty sure Adam will love it there.
Last but not least - Be lovely - that one was easy, obviously, I am sooooo naturally lovely ;P
Although, now I feel guilty, have just been text by a friend that the guy from last night was asking where I was later on (although I did tell him I was going home so.....). Is it just me, or does anybody else feel guilty when a guy spends time with you on a night out and you don't want anything, like you feel bad that they've spent time talking to you when they could've spent that time finding a girl who did want something to happen with them? Maybe it's just me, whatever! I should've been Catholic, constant guilt lol! He did tell me he had a good Catholic name too, coincidentally, uhhmm Christopher Michael something or other (I've forgot the surname, which was probably the most Catholic bit, oops!) And I was lovely, and gave him a very innocent tiny kiss as I left, so that he didn't feel totally short-changed. Be fine, sure he'll find somebody more forthcoming tonight when he goes back out :D
Sooooo, here is the month in pictures :D

Pancakes!!

Jessica wanting to help cook.........so she can steal fruit........

The infamous Piranha Plant Poisoning Pasta

 Deliciously gorgeous and more-ish home-made pizza yum!!

 Jessica wants to drink from a big girl cup.......and is therefore trapped in the kitchen....

This month me and Adam have mostly been reading.....

The reason I don't need to go out looking for cute baby animals xx.

Fab times in Edinburgh with totally great yummy mummies :D

Two random strangers that were staying in our apartment building :D

The legend that is Lyndsey - she organised the whole thing so was entitled to be knackered!

Posh food...... 

Posh cocktails..... 

 Posh puds....

 .....and Beautiful Ladies :D

I may have been neglectful this month, but that's because I have been busy with the more important, yearly aim, of laughing more. This month has been a good month, and I have laughed a lot, and met lots of really great people. And......I have managed, in the end, to keep my secret goal, possibly with the help of reent events but hey who cares why, it's done and dusted and that's all that matters!!! Roll on April..........:D



"You're Original....Cannot Be Replaced"

It is the start of a new month!!! But, I have been ill most of the week and had to have 3 days off work (which everybody who knows me knows I hate to do so that is how ill I was). So, tomorrow I will do a catch-up on last month and the aims for this month etc.

But, I have to say, that the week has ended good, and this next month looks like it should be a good one if the start of it is anything to go by :) Last night, I was feeling better and decided to spend time with some friends before my day back at work. And, in their own ways, they all made me feel happy with who I am and how my life is going. And tonight, I am going out, in the dress I wore in Edinburgh wow!! When I wore it  in Edinburgh, I was with people who haven't known me all my life, people who I don't see every week, and it was highly unlikely I would bump into anybody I knew. To wear it in Bingley, for me, is a big leap of faith, and hopefully my confidence will stand up to the challenge :) Also, hopefully, I won't fall over and flash my knickers at everybody ;p
I also have just been asked for ID in the co-op, which was rather funny, especially as I had none on me due to not driving, but my look of disbelief and laughing that I was 28 seemed to do trick instead lol. Apparently, I look 24 tonight, and that is under the Ask 25 rule. Hmm. I'll take it with a pinch of salt ;p
Anyways, let's have a group listen to my favourite song to boost my confidence tonight :D