Every day I am pretty sure I do at least one thing wrong. Most days I do more. I used to think I was alone, until I talked to other parents who were honest. Here is a place for more parents to feel less alone, and more "good enough".

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Today's lesson - Love myself more

I have painted my nails tonight. For no specific reason except to prove to myself I could do it, after yesterday's disastrous attempt. And I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror (genuinely, I was not looking, there is a very big mirror in my bedroom which often seems to follow me around and catch my eye at the most inconvenient times). And do you know, I looked at myself, in my dark skinny jeans and my long-sleeve black top, with my expertly painted nails, my hair in a messy bun and my vintage style watch. And I thought, bloody hell Dawn why on earth do you feel rubbish tonight?
So, I am going to write a list of ten things that I love about being me. This may take a while.
1. My body (when fully clothed) looks pretty good - apparently, especially my bum
2. I have never said anything bad about Adam's biological father to him, so he does not hate him and has less issues to deal with in that area
3. I am quite clever :D Especially at maths, and english, and analysing situations
4. I studied full-time (and passed) whilst looking after a toddler by myself
5. I studied again (and passed again), whilst holding down a stressful full-time job and being pregnant/having a newborn baby
6. I have made my house look beautiful and my children feel at home
7. I have long hair and I love it
8. When nobody is around, I dance in my bedroom to "empowering" songs, then collapse on the bed laughing. It's kind of fun.
9. When I am having a bad day, my children never know
10. I have lots of really good friends, who are always around for me

Wow, that was hard. It is very hard to think of nice things to say about yourself and your life. I must do it more often. If you are reading this, you should write something that you love about yourself as a comment. I promise it will cheer you up. And also, as a little side-effect, it will make me feel less big-headed ;p

I definitely need to work on the dancing issue. When I am out, I can't dance. I physically just can not do it. I feel like everybody will look at me and think I look stupid and I just freeze up. When really, I imagine more people probably look at me because I am not dancing when everybody else is!! So I am going to add dancing to my yearly list, but I think that is going to be a tough one to crack. I have, on occasion, got incredibly drunk and danced quite a lot. But even then, I have to be a specific level of drunk AND in the right mood, and I can probably count on one hand the amount of times in the last ten years it has happened. I don't know why I have this issue, but it's been around as long as I can remember. If anyone disputes this and remembers me dancing in clubs a lot at any specific age, please feel free to correct me as it may help me figure out what went wrong.
I almost apologised tonight for this blog being neither exciting nor interesting. But I stopped myself. Because it is excellent and amazing and wonderful, because I wrote it. I found some poems I wrote as a teenager, and they make me laugh, I obviously thought I was so cynical and cool and knew more than anybody else lol.

Careers, Future Plans, or Fate
Red and blue, confused
Don't know what
Know what I want
Do you?
Do I know or you

Everybody, fireman, sales
Policeman, airplane maker
Choices, young age
Stamped in red, forever
Change your mind

Stuck, rutlike, 17
Where's your future
Where's the dream
Gone, vanished
Stuck, rutlike
Money, rent and bills

Quick and easy
Cosy little room
Plan out your future
Paper, pen
What was that again
No, do this
Future plan now exists

Do exams and fail them all
Wreck your future have a ball
Start again
Do something new
Forget the stigma
Change your mind

Don't know what
What to do
Go for red
For freedom, love
Not blue
Not what to do
Just you

1 comment:

  1. To make you feel less big-headed...

    I love it that, despite turning 30 last week, I haven't lost my childlike ability to disintegrate into helpless giggles about silly little things - a gift that I exercise as often as possible! :D