13 years ago............

Well. There goes Week One of the holidays. I was all set to write about Week One tonight, but it has hit me with some force that my eldest child is 13 years old in the morning. Well technically at 7.05pm, but I don't think he would take kindly to that idea. I'll catch you up on Week One in a few days - it was not very restful despite only having one child around for the majority of it. A snap shot would be of chicken pox with a side of bacterial skin infection and cheeky random mice trying to take up camp in our house - see what I mean?



So, back to the almost 13 year old. I distinctly remember finding out I was pregnant with him. I was actually at work, and hiding out with a pregnancy test during my break. His existence was discovered in Bradford University Library - that'll be where he gets his brains and eccentricity from then ;) I didn't tell anybody for weeks as I hadn't a clue what to do. I think it was about January before it was common knowledge. The boy completely altered the course of my life. I had been coasting along, rather a mess if I'm honest, pulling a whole trolley of baggage behind me and not really with any kind of a plan. But I knew that I could be a good mum, and I knew it was my responsibility to do it right.

2003 was a really hot summer. My brother's girlfriend and my mum's next door neighbour were also heavily pregnant, and we spent most of the time complaining about the heat and swapping tips for getting cooler! I was a week over due when I went to Bingley Hospital, which isn't even there anymore, for a routine check-up. Only to be told that I was 4cm dilated! I hadn't even had any labour pains! It was 1pm in the afternoon and because I was young and my mum had pre-eclampsia with all of us, they wanted me straight into the hospital. We dashed back home for my bag, and the builder was just smashing up the concrete to start the extension. When we told him I was having the baby that day, he just looked at me as if to say "Well, you don't look like it!". And that was how I felt too.

Adam was born at on Monday 4th August 2003 at 7.05pm. He weighed 7lb 8oz, which was the exact average weight for babies being born at that time. He was absolutely fine, no problems, and we went home the next day. Well, home to my mum and dad's house for a few weeks until our flat was ready for us to move in.

He was a really chilled out baby, not too keen on noise but then we lived alone just the two of us, and I guess that's what he was used to. He was happy to go to anybody and just trundled along with every day life, rarely crying, and waking up most mornings at about 4.30am just in time for The Morning Line ;) I was the only one of my friends to have a baby, and they all spoilt him rotten. I don't think I even bought him any clothes until he was 12 months old! Never crying was the luckiest thing in the world, for more reasons than one. At 4 months old he had bacterial meningitis with septicaemia and spent days in an oxygen tent, but came out of it without a scratch (apart from a few chest infections for the next couple of years), all down to the fact that he never ever cried, so when he did cry that day non-stop, we took him straight in and it got caught early xx. Bless his cotton socks xx.

Tomorrow he's going to be 13 years old. Which is not adult by any stretch of the imagination, but it's the road to that. Only 3 more years of main schooling, then 2 years of further ed at sixth form or college. Next year he'll be choosing his options and thinking about what he wants to do a little more. We are already looking at university options and talking about volunteer work along with other outside interests. At present he's going for teaching History in secondary school, which is no surprise considering for his 7th birthday he had a tour of the Imperial War Museum in London and knew more about World War 2 than the Eden Camp guide did when he went to look around aged 10.

13 years seems to be a bit of a watershed moment, a bit of a, "standstill and look at me, remember, I won't be here for much longer", kind of time. A time to remember that you don't really have them for very long at all. Sometimes my 7 year old and my 3 year old spend the whole day vying for my attention, and I have to go hide for 2 minutes to try and get a piece of sanity back. One day, they will stop doing that too. I feel like the eldest is the one we have to figure out the most things with, and especially the teenage years. Working out when to pull nearer and when to let go, treading the fine line between independence and yet giving enough support. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I get the feeling most parents don't, especially with their eldest. The ones who say they do are usually lying, or not doing how they think they are. I see kids I looked after in Reception finishing their GCSE's this year, and that is my son in 3 years time, and I don't feel like I've done all the right things to prepare him for life. I don't think any of us ever think that. All we can really do is just try, and keep on being around.

All we can really hope for, is that they grow up to be kind. Kind is what matters every day.

A "Plan That Is Not a Plan" For the Six Week Holidays...................

For children who are educated in school, the six week holiday is upon us. For some this is awesome, for some this is worrying, for many it is somewhere in the middle. There are articles telling us all about the top 20 places to go in the UK - mostly high priced. There are articles telling us that kids need to be bored to develop their independence and we should just leave them instead of planning every day. There are articles with summer holiday planners to download and fill in. There are lists of things every child should do before they are 11 3/4. And there are tons of Pokemon Go memes - either telling you that you are the worst parent ever, or the coolest parent ever - it depends on your Facebook friends list ;)

We like a bit of 'middle ground' in this household. There are few planned concreted in things - a small family holiday (we take our main one in October when it's cheaper!), a local charity holiday club, a scout camp, and a few craft days at a local community centre set up via school. Then there are lots and lots of other days with no plans. On some of those days, my children will quite happily potter away at home, in their bedrooms, in the living room, in the basement, in the garden. With an odd request to get something out that they know I need to give permission for, and a few arguments over whose turn on the computer it is. On other days, I will have a 7 year old coming to me every 5 minutes - "I don't know what to do, what can I do, I just don't know what to do" - repeatedly saying this. And all of the usual ideas will be given short shrift. If I leave her to be bored and insist she finds something herself, she will just get louder and more insistent, start pushing everybody's buttons and I will end up with a completely melted down household and a child still asking for something to do.

So, this year, we are going to use the 'Boredom List/Jar' method. When a child is asking for something to do, or needs a bit of a push to get away from Netflix, they can look for ideas on the list/in the jar. At the moment, we have a list written on the computer. I think this may make it's way into a jar at some point, or a pin-board, or some kind of document where the children don't get bored of reading through the whole thing and so only ever do things from the top of the list. I haven't put any of their very common activities on there, because the plan is to use it when they can't think of anything to do, not as a complete replacement for ever making a decision off their own bat. So it doesn't really have any electrical/screen devices on, but this is not because we are particularly bothered about their usage. It's just that they self-regulate pretty well, but equally don't need any extra encouragement to go on them!! There is also not really much on there that costs anything as we are rather skint this summer, and I'd rather have them have a list of things they can definitely very easily do on the spur of the moment, rather than have to wait to do in a few days. We do have a list of 'Plan in Advance' ideas also, which may go up next to the Boredom Jar, for inspiration of a few treat days out.

I created our list through a combination of looking up 'Boredom Jar' on google, cribbing the bits that suited our family best, adapting some to fit, and also thinking about what we have in the house, what they like to do, and things I have in the deep recesses of my brain that break out at these times! I suggest you do the same if you are thinking of making one. There is nothing worse than simply printing one straight from a website, and then your heart sinking when they ask to do something that is really expensive/not nearby/you don't have the stuff for/you just know will cause major chaos in your house. There were some I saw that I just thought, do you know what, I have over 100 things on this list, I really don't need that one on there, they can live without that experience and I will remain a sane person for not providing it!

We also, in our 'Already Planned' section, have decided to do a 'Daily Lego Challenge' which I am going to create using various online resources, take part in the 'National Library Reading Challenge' and create a 'Holiday Scrap Book' where they can put photos in, write in, draw in, whatever they want really, as a record of the holiday. It will also be a good thing for the younger two to take into school in September, as the 7 year old is especially motivated by being able to show her teachers everything she has experienced.

So this is our list. Please, please, remember this suits our location, our budget, our children. My children are aged 3, 7 and (almost) 13. We live near parks, woods, a canal, a river, and a town centre, with really good transport links. This list is mostly aimed at the 7 year old as she is the one who needs it, however most activities are adaptable to suit them all, if they want to do them. And some are aimed at getting them to do things together!

Boredom Jar Ideas
Cross-stitch
Make a junk-model
Chalking outside
Cook something of your choice
Bake something of your choice
Find out about the human body
Go to the pet/reptile shop
Build up a lego set
Take a picture every hour to record your day
Go on a nature walk
Make a nature scrapbook
Do a page of your memory scrapbook
Play a game with your sibling
Play a board game
Picnic indoors
Hama beads
Make a hedgehog hotel
Alphabet tour with a camera
Make some jelly
Do some maths
Picnic outdoors
Make salt dough
Write a letter
Make a gift
Build a Lego city
Learn the guitar
Visit a family friend
Make flower + leaf prints
Do a magic show
Build a big Playmobil town
Make friendship bracelets
Aquabeads
Set up a 'home corner' with your little brother
Do a puzzle
Go to a cafe
Watch a movie
Make a family tree
Make a pirate ship
Have a bubble bath
Do a science experiment
Play a card game
Write a poem
Do some crafting
Find bugs
Trace a picture
Make a card for somebody who lives alone
Sticking
Make pizzas
Look up places around the world
Learn the keyboard
Make a treasure map
Make a robot
Make sock puppets
Play hide and seek
Make a card for somebody who is ill
Water fight
Dress-up
Play I Spy
Hand + Foot painting
Go to the library
Colouring in
Make fingerprint animals
Ride your scooter
Ride your bike
Go to the park
Learn chess
Do some gardening
Tidy your room
Read a book
Write in your holiday scrap-book
Draw something
Draw an animal
Draw our house
Paint something
Tidy your desk
Make homemade bubbles
Bake cupcakes
Make Gloop
Make something with a box
Write a story starting – There is a monster in my garden….
Write a story starting – Yesterday I went in a spaceship to….
Write a story starting  – There once was a little girl who liked to skip….
Write a story about you
Find shapes in clouds
Create a family flag
Make a musical instrument
Build a time capsule
Play with a toy you haven’t played with in a while
Learn ten words in a different language
Make homemade play dough
Make and decorate paper airplanes
Make a den
Paint your nails
Make a board game of your own
Make a button picture
Draw a picture blindfolded
Draw a picture with your feet
Make a video
Google something to make
Make a card pyramid
Go and collect some stones and make them into bugs
Dance to loud music
Bake cookies
Make a bookmark
Make some homemade ice lollies
Build a marble run
Go on a scavenger hunt
Watch a nature documentary
Vacuum your bedroom
Draw a picture of your family
Plan a garden party
Tie dye a tshirt
Sweep kitchen
Shadow drawing
Make an obstacle course
Make a fairy/small world mini garden
Design and build an outdoor musical area
Design, make and race boats
Sweep bathroom
Go out for dessert

Plan in advance days
Go on a mystery tour
Go to a museum
Go to a farm
Go to a park that isn't local
Go swimming
Go to the cinema - BFG
Have a garden party
Day out with a friend
Bowling
Play Team sessions
Go to the beach
Complete the sculpture trail
Indoor play area
Charity Shop bargain hunt

Already planned
Daily Lego Challenge
Nana's caravan
7 year old holiday club
13 year old scout camp
Salvation Army Fun Day
7 year old community centre days
Holiday Scrap Book
7 year old Library Reading Challenge
7 year old Park Meet days  - these are events set up via our school facebook page, a few pre-planned days in the local park for the children to meet up during the holidays.


I hope this helps some people................................if not - order more chocolate ;) We stock up our freezer with ice-lollies from Fultons - they tend to have packs of between 8-12 for only £1.00 a bag :D Enjoy the holidays!! We will try and keep up with the blog, recording our escapades over the next 6 weeks :D We also are planning to keep this Boredom Jar as a long-term addition to our house, the 7 year old has been using it after school all week and it has certainly helped retain a sense of calm on what is often a hectic week xx.

Parents - The Silent Partners in Education?

I don't actually know where to start writing. My mind is so busy, that I can't even make sense of it myself. So really, this is just going to be a complete ramble. I apologise in advance. I wrote this poem over my 'thinkative' morning coffee:

People put labels on who I am. Make presumptions. Who is the real me? I don't even know, I make new decisions all of the time. Form new opinions, worry about new things, and always, always, I am learning.

I have three children. I am their parent. According to the law, parents are responsible for their children's education.

Section 7 of The Education Act 1996 states:
"The parent of every child of compulsory school age shall cause him to receive efficient full-time education suitable—
(1) to his age, ability and aptitude, and
(2) to any special educational needs he may have,
either by regular attendance at school or otherwise."

What is important, is that this law recognises that it is the parent/s who are best placed to make the decision as to what is best for their child. The 'or otherwise' bit is also important, as that is what allows for home education, flexi-schooling and any 'otherwise' education provisions.
It is the parents duty, and the parents that are entrusted with having knowledge of what is suitable for their children's age, ability, aptitude and any additional needs they have, therefore the government must listen to our requirements for our children's education. Teachers also have knowledge of many children they have taught and currently teach. Most government ministers are not experts on children or education; even if they are parents they know their own children, not ours.

Right now, I feel very much like my parenting is a 'silent partner' in my child's education. I have these rights, but it is difficult for me to use them. If I dislike the way the education system is going. I don't really have any re-course to alter it. Even if many parents, and many teachers, feel the same. We sign petitions, in vast numbers, but nothing happens. Right now, we are at a tipping point. A point which once gone past, can not be reversed. If we privatise our children's education via academies, we can't just 'un-privatise' them if it doesn't work. The way academies work, with a business manager at the top of the rung, being paid more and having the final say, above the heads who are actually responsible for the children's welfare, teaching and learning, is not the way I personally think education should be run. I don't think we should value a number-cruncher more than an educator. I don't think that a number-cruncher and business manager should be able to veto something that an experienced head knows would be best for their pupils. I'm certain there are good academies, and good free schools, it would be wrong to say there aren't. The distinct difference between having them around, and enforcing them on every single school regardless of area, intake, size, the actual best interests of the children, is massive. I saw a Conservative MP's response to a parent asking about academies. I directly quote: "It seems that the Labour Party and their left-wing cheerleaders at 38 degrees have forgotten that it was, in fact, the last Labour Government which introduced academies." Ok, so our country is being run by people who resort to "He started it sir" upon being questioned. The parent who had contacted this MP had not actually indicated their party choice. I do not indicate my party choice, I am not a member of any political party at present. This is not about what party started it. As my mother would say "I don't care who started it - I'm ending it!" Just because one party started something, does not mean another party can choose to enforce it onto every single school, and then when people complain, blame the original party for starting it rather than actually engage in a proper discussion about it. Life doesn't work like that in the real world. The fact of the matter is, that the government should not have the mandate to completely alter the way state education is run, without fully and properly taking into account the views of the people who are legally responsible for ensuring that education is provided. That also includes providing parents with the true facts and figures, or lack thereof. Respecting parents and valuing their opinions and thoughts, taking the time to fully consult with teachers and experts in education, not just following through with an idealistic plan regardless of any opposition or consequences.

I have had people questioning me over my objections to SATs. Questioning my parenting. "I don't pressure my children, maybe you should be careful how you talk to your child?" Which is quite laughable to anybody who actually knows me and my (very fluid) parenting style. My child knows it's a test because it says test on it. And because it's set out like a test paper that she has seen in tv shows. She will most definitely figure out it's a test when she asks for help during it and her teacher is unable to give her any help or feedback. She doesn't actually mind doing the test. But she's a bit fed up of the fact that she doesn't do as much Science as she used to do. Or as much Art. Or as much PE. She lives for the afternoons at school, the mornings are 'just boring learning and tests'. Not a great way to motivate and fire her up to learn the essentials skills of English and Maths, or enjoy investigating them further. Just tonight she has told me that she has tummy ache every day at school. A few weeks ago she told me that she had a nightmare that all of her friends got every answer in a test correct, but it still wasn't good enough. And believe me, we do NOT put any pressure on this child at home. We have told her that the SATs are just to check what she knows, so that the teacher knows what she still needs to teach her. In reality of course, I'm pretty certain her teacher has a fairly solid idea already of what she knows and what she still needs to learn. I'm pretty certain that she's doing great from my knowledge of my own child. I don't really care about whether she's 'meeting age-related expectations', especially seeing as this year her age-related expectation is what was last year expected at the end of Year 3. So a whole 1 year + 1 half term older than she is now. On a new KS1 curriculum that she has only been taught the second year of. And that has changed a fair few times just since this January. So forgive me if I don't really see the point of testing her on it. It's not the actual test I mind. It's the blatant disregard for the teacher's knowledge of my child. The time wasted teaching her all the new additions to the tests, when she could have been learning far far more without picking up on the obvious stress her teacher is under. The fact that the results are going to be completely inaccurate because the information has been crammed in and rote-learned in a really short space of time, and actually bears little relevance to her life or even adult life. And don't even get me started on the KS2 SATs - try asking the secondary schools how accurate and useful the 'results' they provide is.

Sometimes, my daughter is so brave that she astounds me. Recently, she smashed her nose on the floor of the school playground. She lacerated it right down to the bone, and broke part of the cartilage. When her teacher saw her, she herself was in shock. My daughter cried for a few minutes, and then she stopped. When I got to school, she wasn't crying. She was sat with her teachers, who were desperately trying to keep her from falling asleep and trying to stop her seeing the amount of blood. They told her everything was going to be ok, and she believed them. The paramedics came, and she talked to them and myself in the ambulance. She got to the hospital, and she let the doctors look at her nose, and pull it about. She didn't ask for any pain relief. When they asked if it hurt she said "just a little bit". She talked to the surgeon who was going to operate on it, and said she was looking forward to having a free sleep. The surgeon came to see me whilst she was in recovery to say that he had put real stitches in, that would need taking out, because he believed she would be able to cope with having them taken out. He said that usually they don't put them in children her age, but having met her that he would, and it would make the scar heal better. She did this on Thursday morning and was operated on Thursday night. She was back in school on Monday morning, with black stitches right across her nose. When she went back to have them taken out, it took an hour. The nurse kept apologising to her, but she sat as still as a statue for the whole time, letting the nurse pick and pull at the stitches. When she looked in the mirror afterwards, I could tell she was upset that the scar was there. She hadn't quite realised the long-term scale of the injury. That night we had angry tears in bed, and then it was done. Now, she watches her favourite film, 'Soul Surfer', and she says that if somebody can do that with just one arm, then what does a scar on her nose matter? The paramedics, the A+E staff, the surgeon - all of them commented on how resilient she was, and how they get many adults, let alone children, who cope worse with the level of injury she had.

Despite this resilience, sometimes my daughter is too worried to go to school. She is too worried to leave the house. She imagines all sorts of things happening to her. She gets tummy ache and she sits curled up in a ball on her bed, refusing to move. And yet when something does happen, she is amazing at dealing with it. On these 'scared of the world' days, we usually get her out of the house,we give her the tools to feel better, and she tries, she really tries, to break through the wall of whatever is holding her back, and she keeps going forward.

She is amazingly brave every day just for getting dressed and leaving the house. And somebody, somewhere, thinks they can define her as 'below age related expectations' just because she doesn't fit their mould. The SATs don't measure reality. They don't measure my daughter. They are not a fit for purpose measurement of a child's ability and aptitude. They are not age appropriate. They take up far too much time in preparing, sitting, and marking. They don't take into account the fact that a 6/7 year old child is not designed to sit quietly for 45 minutes and answer questions on a paper with no feedback or interaction. They don't take into account that not all children progress in a nice straight line. They certainly don't take into account that many children put pressure upon THEMSELVES even if other people don't, and that they are very finely tuned to picking up any change in mood of any relevant adult in their life, i.e. their teacher.


I am not asking everybody to agree with me. I am not asking everybody to even understand. I just would like everybody to really think. To really think about how children learn, and that what we are teaching them is important. Think about what life is actually about, and what skills they may need when they grow up. Understand that not all children are the same, and that many children fight many demons every single day. Think about the skills and experience teachers have, and how disrespectful it is to presume a nationally applied 'one size fits all' test is better at assessing our children than a teacher who is with them almost every single school day. Think about how much and how well you know your child, and how disrespectful it is that unless you are able to home educate or afford private education, you have no say in how your child's education is run, yet you have the responsibility for it, enshrined in law.


Last but not least, no, I am not using my child as a weapon. I have not told her that she is missing school because the SATs are bad, or the schools is bad, or the government is bad. I have told her that we are having a picnic, and fun together, to show our support to teachers and to try and make sure people remember that children are supposed to learn through play. If she doesn't want to miss school that day because they are doing something she really wants to do, then I will not keep her off. I will send her and attend the picnic myself. I am not trying to upset my child - I am simply trying to make my voice heard. Petitions don't work, talking to councillors and MP's doesn't work. Some parents have said that teachers who are worried about attendance affecting their Ofsted results, are planning trips for this day to try and prevent the protest from happening. To me, this is a perfect example of children being used as a weapon, but not by the parents. And again, a concern, that a) people are scared of an inspecting body so much that they will use a child as a weapon, and b) that parents are unable to have a voice, because we are so scared and feel so guilty about affecting the school's attendance or being fined.



Be confident in your knowledge of your own child's best interests and also remember that the law was written with the knowledge that parents are the ones who know their children and have the right to choose how to educate them. This just seems to have been forgotten somewhere along the way.

What a difference a day makes...................

I have just put Toby to bed. He disappeared off to the kitchen and came back with the 4 pint bottle of milk and a beaker.....................I think he was tired.
However when I took him down to bed, he cried and pointed to the door and wanted to go "Back upstairs, wait Daddy!" His Daddy is out this evening. He will be back soon, but too late for this tired little man to stay up, especially seeing as 30 seconds later he was fast asleep so obviously very tired.

Earlier on today, I took him to coffee morning. When we arrived, it was quieter than usual due to some people being away on holiday. Toby did not want to go in. "Where's my old man Jack?" he asked. He took a bit of convincing, but once in he was happily playing away as usual.

Tonight, as he cried and asked to wait for his Daddy, and I remembered his reluctance to go into coffee morning because there were people missing..................I felt my own eyes beginning to fill with tears.

What if we had to leave our house, what if we had to leave everything he knew, with only what we could carry? What if we lost his Daddy, or his brother, or his sister, along the way? What if he was crying "I go home, I go church, I go Nana's", and I couldn't even find him anything to eat or anywhere warm and dry to sleep?

I cannot even begin to imagine what people are going through who are trying to claim asylum in Europe at present. That is what they are, asylum seekers. As quoted from my good friend - 
"Technically people are asylum seekers until they've had their claim investigated and been give permission to stay in a new host country, then they become refugees. Asylum seekers are looking for safety; a refugee has found it. Anyone has a legal right to claim asylum, you can't be an illegal asylum seeker."

There are also many people in the camps in Calais who are refugees, currently claiming asylum in France but still with nowhere to live or any other help from the state. I found this on this link -  a very good read - https://calaismigrantsolidarity.wordpress.com/introduction-to-calais/

People are starting to question whether the aid going to Calais is going to the right place/people. I don't think that is the right question. The right question is, how can we help everybody? The people in Calais, AND the people elsewhere. It shouldn't be either/or. Our government shouldn't be choosing between a short-term OR a long-term plan. They should be working on both, working with the EU to sort out the crisis right on our doorstep, AND a more long-term plan to help the countries figure things out and people be able to go home.

Sorry if this writing is not as fluent as normal. I've spent the last two days pretty much on facebook. I started a 'little' group for local people to collect items to arrange somehow to get them to Calais, maybe via a larger group somewhere nearby. It has now turned into a larger group, organising pick-ups from a local music festival, organising a big 'drop-off' and awareness raising event, sorting and collecting the donations at the Salvation Army that I go to and offering to store it all there. Obviously, there was a need. And for some reason, somebody picked me to fill that need.

I don't really know what I want to say tonight. In the context of this blog, I am being a pretty imperfect parent as my house is a tip, we had toast for tea, and in general this has taken over the last two days leaving the rest of the household fending for themselves.

In the context of everything else.............................people are people. Would you sit in a camp with a shortage of pretty much everything, despised by the locals, miles away from home, if you didn't desperately need to? When did we decide that men are worth less than women and children? For that matter, when did we decide that 13 year olds and above are all men?

What if we left our house, as above, but instead of us losing his Daddy, his brother, his sister........what if his Daddy lost all of us? Would that mean he didn't deserve help anymore? Would he be somehow less in need now that he had lost his entire family trying to get them somewhere safe? I don't think it should work like that.......................

In one day, 174 people joined our group and starting trying to form some sort of plan. The second day, today, we have 507 members (and counting), and many many plans.

I couldn't think of a song. Or an image. I'm all out.

"I don't want to live like I don't care....."

I most likely need to update my blog. I don't feel like I identify with the background anymore and I probably need to have a good look through the lists etc. Ah well, another thing for the to-do list.

So here I am, another year, another life phase about to commence. I seem to have this happen quite frequently ;)

I have decided to finally step up and attempt to be and do the role that I think I am supposed to be doing. The role that all my mistakes and life experiences have been for, the reason that actually they were not all 'screw-ups', they were put there on purpose so that I would BE fit for purpose.

Right now, I could go and get a full-time job in child-care, on a decent enough wage, put the children with a childminder, and between us we could have enough money to most likely buy a car and go on a decent holiday once a year. I'm not sure that would make us all happy though. Not because of the working or the childcare, at some point that is going to happen and I don't have a problem with it if it's for the right reasons. However, I wouldn't be in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. A parent unhappy with their role, is not the way to make a household happy, even if it means they have more money available.

I just played a song, and it made me cry. I don't even remember listening to it before but it was on my YouTube history so I must have done. I think, what has held me back for so long, is a fear of failure. I am, didn't you know, a bit of a perfectionist and a worrier. What, you didn't realise?? Sorry about that ;) I have a tendency to over-analyse what I am actually good at, what I am actually supposed to be doing, and all that jazz. I also know, as do we all, that it's a lot easier to say, "Well I did well at school and my teachers wanted me to go on to further study and so I know I can do it if I wanted to, it's not aptitude that's holding me back, it's a life choice and just the way things have gone here"..........................than it is to say, "Maybe I have used the fact that my life had a diversion as an excuse to not try and achieve the things I should, because I am scared that I will fail and then I can't say that I could have done it if I had had the chance".

I have the chance now. I have the chance to study, to learn so much more and then use that knowledge to make a difference. It may sound rather corny and rubbish, but I completely totally just love solving puzzles and situations and helping people. I love when people come and talk to me and I can help them figure out a way through the maze.

There are so many people stuck in the maze. I sometimes am stuck in the maze. Currently, my house is the maze. It is an absolute tip and at my Nana's funeral yesterday we were remembering how hard she worked and how she kept her house immaculate despite having 7 people living in a 2 bed-roomed house and no washing machine. So for the next two days, you will find me having a cleaning frenzy. Except for the fact that I am sat here writing this and listening to music instead of starting the cleaning. But after that. And tonight you will find me watching The Help (which I have just discovered is on Netflix) and eating the chocolate and wine that my lovely children and parents at my last job gifted to me. Feel free to come around if you live local. You can marvel at my half-tidy house.

Life is busy, it's full, it's always always crazy. Who wants to be on their deathbed wishing that they had done more, that they had actually stepped up and done what they were supposed to do? I keep looking at the toddler group bumph that I need to organise and set-up for September, the training for my volunteer position that I need to start sorting out, and the start date for my OU degree course, and thinking am I just crazy?? I have 3 children?? I'm nearly 33 years old.

That is the point. I am ONLY 32 years old. My Nana was over 50 years older than me when she passed away. Do I want to spend that time coasting? I don't think so. There is absolutely no point at all in having the experiences that I have had, for nothing. It is time to put them to use, to stand up and be counted. And I'm sorry if you are not religious and therefore find this song 'uncomfortable' to listen to. If I'm completely honest, sometimes I find it hard, I still need to allow myself to open up, I'm not really as open a book as I make out on here. For example, yesterday, there were only a few seconds that I let the tears come, and that isn't because I didn't love my Nana, it's just that I don't let people see my emotions when they are real, only when I am crying over stupid stuff like a cat stuck up a tree in Fireman Sam. (Yes, I really do that). So if you feel that way, then just listen to it anyway. It's a good song, and it spoke to me today when I just randomly picked it from an old history list. So it must have been there for a reason.

A Whole Picture of a Lady

Today is going to be a strange day.

A day of dressing up and looking smart, to say goodbye to a lady who took rather a long time to come around to the idea of females wearing trousers. A lady who had a hairdresser come to her house regularly to wash and set her hair to make sure it looked decent.

Celebrating the life she had, the life she gave all of us, her big family that she was the head of. Former boyfriends were known to liken her to the Queen Mother - gentle and well-dressed, but ruled with a strong will. For me, I used to call her Beryl the Peril, and my Grandad was Dennis the Menace; it was the source of much amusement to me as a child that these were the names of my grandparents.

My Nana would mostly likely think she was an imperfect parent, as do we all. But she was perfect at being her. She was perfect at always having chocolate on her china tray in her living room, tins of Baxter's soup and Ambrosia Custard in the larder, strawberries and gooseberries in the garden, and always ALWAYS giving us elevenses at 11 o'clock in summer, with lemonade and biscuits at the table in the garden.

She was also perfect at knowing about nearly every single flower or plant, and getting her fingernails full of mud whilst she looked after them all in her garden. And then letting us make perfume with all of the petals from the roses that she had cut back.

She could give you just one look, or say your name in a certain way, and you would know that your skirt was too short, your top too low, or that what you had just said was not to be repeated in polite company. But she would have a twinkle in her eye when she said it, and you would remember that photo that your Mum showed you.............the one with 4 ladies on the lawn in extremely short mini dresses..............your Mum, two Aunties, and your Nana. And your Nana's dress was the shortest of the lot.

She was perfect at knitting matinee jackets for all of the babies, and we still have some tucked away downstairs for memories. When her fingers didn't work very well anymore, I bought a set of knitting needles and accessories with some money that she gifted to me, and taught myself to knit. I think it will be a while before I master her intricately patterned baby jackets, but it feels good to knit blankets and know that she would be saying "told you so" as I feel myself relax whilst doing clicking away.

There will be many things about my Nana that I don't know or don't remember. I was at the younger end of her grandchildren, and only vaguely remember some of the older traditions and things she used to do. There will be many things that my children do not know about her. We have a habit, as people age, of just remembering the last 20 or so years. We have a habit, of only seeing the bit of them that they showed us, as the 'real' bit. In reality it's a bit like a jigsaw. You need all of the people that she knew, or that knew of her, with their own little piece of the puzzle, to get the real complete picture. You need to listen and believe what other people tell you of her, even if it doesn't fit what you think you know. That is the way to respect and remember a life.

Hopefully, today, we can all sit together and all remember and celebrate the whole picture of my Nana. There's one thing for sure. She loved roses, Salvation Army brass bands, and this song. We will be singing it today, this afternoon, and I hope she will be listening and seeing all of the family she created, all of the friends lives that she touched. Jessica says she will be sat with "That man, that Grandad you told me about, and of course Baby Isaac, he will always be a baby you know, but now he has a Nana with him too".

Working on Wednesdays

Arghhhhhh! Now breath.
So today, the little man was wheezing and cuddly and just wanted to feed all night and morning. His Daddy was working and I needed to go to work and we are both on temporary contracts (his more than mine) so time off is rather frowned upon. My children have, due to this, begun getting sick on Wednesdays as they know this is the day we find hardest to get alternative childcare. We have foiled all their attempts to have a stay at home parent once more, so far only I have missed one Wednesday and that was last minute due to Tobys last ditch attempt and sudden escalation of cold to severe chest infection in 60 minutes flat.
Toby this week has been flitting between poorly and well roughly every half an hour (except at night when he is full on poorly and needs to feed or sleep on my chest pretty much for 8 hours). I took him to nursery, signed in a calpol sachet and his inhaler, told them to ring me not Dad if he got worse, and went to work feeling guilty. Then felt even more guilty when I read the nursery Christmas party invite and figured out we have nobody to take him and he is probably going to miss out. Then got to work and cried on a colleagues shoulder because I felt like a crap parent. But on the plus side I found my mobile in my bag whilst looking for a tissue , instead of it being lost somewhere in the house like I'd thought (and ran everywhere looking for before we set off).

So, work was fab and fun, no phonecalls from nursery, went to pick him up and he'd been fine, even eaten for the first time in 2 days, then slept solid for 2 hours 20 minutes. Next time he is ill, he'll be off to nursery to get better.

Went to pick the girl up from Grandad. She looked tired....uh oh. Trudged home, made it with no pleading/shouting/bribery/tears.....feel like superwoman. Then had a rather stressful 30 minutes sorting out a phonecall, a dvd rack emptying toddler, a 5 year old worrying about a dvd rack emptying toddler, and cooking a rather fiddly tea that got moved from Monday and will NEVER EVER be cooked on a Wednesday 'busy walking small children home and having Adam home for 20 minutes inbetween film club and scouts and getting pe kits washed very quickly' night EVER AGAIN.

But it tasted nice. To me and James. The children had a cold/lingering urine infection/cough/tiredness/general mistrust of food thing going on.
I ran up and down a few hundred times running a bath (the boy bombed on scouts to get better for school trip tomorrow), getting pjs, brushing hair, getting milk and weetabix and bourbon biscuits and more milk, writing a nativity cast list and basic walkthrough, changing the washer, finding thermals (in a carrier bag I sent up to his room in AUGUST for him to empty and put away), fixing a marble run, putting dvds away (twice), brushing teeth, reading a story about Tom and his elastic band and replacing batteries in a nightlight frog.

And now I am sat. Trying to figure out how to get my littlest man to his nursery Christmas party without feeling massively guilty that I am only 5 minutes up the road but can't be there so that he can be there. Hopefully I will figure something out, that's what superwoman do, after all ;)

Grown-ups can apologise too.......and POPCORN!!!

I was a shouty mum tonight. After a busy day and planning lots of busy things coming up and lots of 'muuuumm' and not getting a second to do anything and 'im not going to sleep im not tired' etc, coming down to find a child and sofa covered in milk just pushed my buttons somewhat. Especially as it was already the second pair of pj bottoms of the evening.
So now she is in bed, we had cuddles and I apologised for shouting and explained why I had, but then she decided that she still wasn't tired and was going to push buttons further and I had to insist that actually, if she didn't lay down and attempt to sleep and stop shouting, then I wouldn't get any time to do jobs tonight so I would have to do them tomorrow evening and she would have to miss her disco instead of me going with her. She hasn't shouted for ten minutes so I think we may have a truce. Rather than bribery, I like to think of it as natural consequences, if she prevented me from using the time as needed then I wouldn't have time tomorrow to take her where she would like to go. But really if I'm honest I did just think it would be a good way to get her to sleep quickly and would've been gutted if I'd had to follow it through as I missed her last disco due to work.
It's ok, I think, to know when they have pushed your buttons and just need to figure out some way, any way, to get some peace to regain your balance. It's better than snapping anyways. I'm happy to apologise for shouting, hopefully she will learn that it's ok to make mistakes and that even grown-ups need to apologise, to me that is more important than needing to be infallible.
We have had an eventful week. I ended up in hospital last Thursday after a week of chest pains and a collapse outside nursery. My sister's baby is almost due, my brother had an accident at work and my eldest sister has a lot on also. I am often thinking hmmmm maybe one child would have been enough........only kidding, I wouldn't be without any of my three........although I do now have enough.
So currently I am on heart medications 'just in case' whilst I wait for more tests, and am trying to take it easier but also get the house sorted at the same time so we can all relax. My husband cleaned both yards and most of the attic Sunday and Monday........maybe I should go in an ambulance more often ;)
I have bought berocca, mixed nuts and little tubs to carry them around in, and am trying to drink more water and less caffeine. Life re-evaluation time and all that. In the meantime the children have speech therapy, hearing tests and an ear consultant, dietician, optician, asthma gp appointments and paediatric assessments to fit into my oh so empty diary. See the sarcasm there. The wallchart pretty much has a red dot (see diary) on the majority of the next two months.
I am trying to make sure the children get 'me' without losing 'me' to the children. It's not so simple. I'm contemplating the merits of a yoga class.
However, blue dots on the wallchart mean family time, all 5 of us family time. They are scarce in their occurence but there is a patch of them coming up, starting on Saturday. We have a wedding (although Jess is skiving out of some of it for an uber important 6 year old birthday party), a sleepover for the eldest two at Aunty Haleys, a couple of nights in Whitby AFTER payday *whoop*, and then a couple of days to go bowling/museum/cinema type things although the husband is back at work and I may leave my little Toby man at nursery for a day or two so we can actually do the bowling/museum/cinema type things.
On the cinema note, I made 'Neopolitan Popcorn' the other weekend as part of my 'make a treat from pinterest each week' list item. I didn't actually use a recipe from pinterest as they all had convoluted ingredients lists comprising of 'just what I had in my cupboards', that seemed to have been made by people who's kitchen cupboards back through on to about 5 different stores. So I got the idea from pinterest and made my own. Theotetically I should have used some of the 2 bags of popcorn kernels in my cupboard. In practice I used the bag of Cinema Sweet popcorn from Asda that my husband had bought so that we wouldn't need to make a mess in his clean kitchen. Then I found half a large bar of milk chocolate, melted it in the microwave and poured it over a third of the popcorn, stirring rapidly. I then went to the shop and bought 6 packets of Milky Bar buttons. I melted 3 packets, stirred in strawberry flavoured milkshake powder, then poured over a third of the popcorn, stirring rapidly. Then finally I melted the remaining buttons, stirred in banana flavoured milkshake powder, and poured over the remaining third of popcorn, stirring rapidly. Every single recipe said to spread out on a tray covered in tin foil and put in the fridge for 5 minutes. Firstly, we were out of tin foil so I used baking parchment. Secondly, 5 minutes is a load of rubbish. So is 10. In the end I put each tray in the FREEZER for approx 5-10 minutes, and even then the milk chocolate one was a bit 'melty' when I separated it up into the bowl. But it was fine. This was the result...

And when we added the Cool Runnings dvd this was the other end result...

And then Toby decided he liked the popcorn and stole it all and made his brother and sister take just one piece at a time......

The moral of this post? All that matters is the little things, the good moments xx.

The Life List

I just started writing a post. And my phone deleted it. This is why I haven't been on here in an age. My phone broke, I finally got a new one and then that has also broken before I got chance to download all our summer photos from it, which I had actually begun a really simple memory book for. Do you know when it feels like nothing works out?? It would be easier with a camera but that's never had chance to get fixed either. Sometimes it feels like this whole house is full of half finished jobs. There is a box in the hall with a small shed in for the garden so we can move outdoor toys from the attic, finish cleaning the attic from about a year ago and finally make Jess a bedroom up there so Toby can have her bedroom. But first we need to clean the garden up so the shed can go on it. There are things everywhere in the house, stuff stuffed all over, our ensuite is full of toys cleaned from the attic, and then because it's nearly Christmas and Toby's birthday we feel like we need to buy more toys that we don't have anywhere to put. I made a new Life List but Blogger deleted it. I'll try again anyway:

Sort the house out (this incorporates a list all of it's own that is too long to even be written down anywhere), whilst spending as little money as possible i.e. Stop buying more furniture for quick fixes

Do the 51 week Lego Challenge that I just found on pinterest, as a family

Fill the creative drawer and use it at least every weekend (shouldn't be hard to fill, attic is full of creative activity stuff)

Get outside - to the woods, the park, the glen - waterproofs, scarves and a flask, let the kids get muddy x.

Create more - knit, crochet, craft, and experiment with much more - selling items through The Creative Owl is just a sideline excuse for creating more ;)

Make Christmas more about fun, family and magic and less about money and more toys to pile with the other piles of toys

Try out one new meal and one new treat every week from my pinterest boards

Learn more about the things that really matter from my children and the two year olds I work with

Carve out more couple time - in the midst of having family time we need to remember that we need a solid centre for the family to branch from x.

And, as an added extra which makes most of this list seem rather pointless, I really need to quit trying to make life perfect and just enjoy the moments as they come xx.


Seeing as we've been absent for so long and you may have missed us, here is the chaos we live in.........crazy people have the best fun ;) 
The eldest child - not counting the husband who is clearly a lost cause in this photo - is absent due to getting older and not being as fond of crazy picture taking......

Feeling lost.........................

So I had a really great week at MAD week at Shipley Salvation Army. It was great to spend time with everybody, feeling part of things, and the children really came out of their shells and seemed to love it too. Adam really mucked in with the community aspect - he did gardening, litter picking, bag packing and car washing, and happily volunteered so I'm really proud of him x. Jessica spent most of the week in creche with me but did go car washing with her brother and other adults WITHOUT ME one morning, a massive breakthrough. She also was extremely excited because "John Froud came, we washed John Froud's van!!", bless her little cotton socks, he has a new fan since holiday club this year (another break through in that she went to holiday club for a week and happily so, with Dad doing the drop-offs/pick-ups who she is usually more clingy with). Jessica also went in Rachel's car without me, and was dropped off at Christine's house without me there for a little while. She felt confident enough to dress up as a fairy princess for the fancy dress, an absolutely amazing breakthrough considering earlier on in the week she admitted to not wanting to wear dresses or girly things out of the house because everybody makes a fuss and says "oh wow, Jessica is in a dress/looks likes a girl" etc etc. So all in all, a very good week. Toby was happy all week too and went to various people for cuddles with his usual grin xx. He also got himself into a little routine for meals from being in creche, which I completely didn't account for and then realised at 1pm today that he was probably grumpy because he had been having a biscuit at 10.30 and lunch by 12.30 all week, and here I was not feeding him anything since breakfast and only just thinking about lunch. Oops.

And after all that, I am left feeling rather flat. I don't really know why. Partly, I have no phone. I feel amazingly lost with no phone, I can't just text somebody and receive a positive *hug* back, or give somebody a ring and have a chat to make me/them feel better. I can't go on facebook to interact with friends unless I physically sit at the computer, which is rather tying when you have a 7.5 month old, a messy house, and an overwhelmed brain. I have one really big group of friends in particular who my main mode of contact with is facebook, and they are the most supportive and helpful and funny group of ladies (and one man!) you could hope to have, so I particularly miss them when I am not in the land of working technology. And then I start thinking, do I only have friends in my phone, do I not have any physical real friends, and then I feel lost. Which is rather daft, as after having a break from writing this whilst I had a chat with my mum (used the landline that we pretend we don't have because I don't know the number for it.......), James has managed to get my phone working and I have a gazillion text messages to wade through so obviously I am loved ;)

I am just really really rubbish at making new connections. I worry I am imposing, that people are already in established groups of friends and are just putting up with me butting in. I worry that people think I am too young or too old to be in their "group". I find that people don't invite me out or to go places because they think I can't - they make assumptions that I can't find a babysitter or they don't invite us as a family because they assume the children can't make it because they are at their Dads. That particular one I really dislike because we have an agreement that we don't want the children to miss out on things just because of us not being together so will always rearrange if it is for the children's benefit, so I really really dislike it when people decide for us! I feel I can't invite myself along to things unless I'm asked, and then feel stupid because people probably think I don't want to come because I don't ask and I probably look really standoffish and that is why I don't get invited in the first place! I have three friends who I still have the same level of friendship with that I have had  throughout having no children right up to the present. I love those three friends. None of them are constantly here or always who I call for help, but the fact they have never changed how they view me, have always still invited me along and arranged to meet up, not been offended when I can't come and stopped invited me to anything ever again (this sadly happens often, you can't get a babysitter once and suddenly people take that to mean you never will be able to get one), but equally have adapted enough to enable us to still be there for each other, that I love them for. There are others who are still around too, who I still am friends with and who things are great with, but those three really stand out to me. There are also others who have sadly fallen along the wayside. But hey, it's their loss, my kids are ace and I'm a richer person for having them, and I hope one day they can experience something similiar in their life that makes their priorities change  - not necessarily children depending on their personal choice, but definitely something they can be that passionate about.

So why am I lost? I have three children who are awesome, a great house (albeit a complete tip right now, which does have a vast impact on my mood so I need to tidy it), and I do have lots of friends who I can call, and a supportive family also. I guess it is my own feelings that inhibit me? My own feelings of not being part of things, that maybe people somehow think I'm not who they are really looking for in a friend, that maybe I'm not good enough? These can make me seem unapproachable, standoffish, like I'm not looking for friendship, when really I very much love company and would love to spend more time with people. I'm a strange creature, I need quiet and some semblance of order and routine, and alone time, but I also need the company of others on a regular basis, and to feel included and very much part of things. I think Adam takes after me in so many ways and that's why I feel so deeply for him when he's upset as I can really connect with how he feels, and dislike knowing my child can be feeling so anguished.

Parenting is not an easy job. This week I have been around people who see my children in a positive light, who constantly say good things about them and the way I've brought them up, and I can't say enough how much better that makes me feel. Everybody needs that kind of support. I think, as parents, we are pretty rubbish at looking at ourselves in a positive light, remaining forever scared that we are messing our kids up. Or maybe that's just me. I need to give myself a big shake in a black bag as my mother would say, count my blessings and just try and be more sociable and outgoing. I am feeling flat, I really am not sure why, maybe it is the house being a mess, or the children not being here, or uncertainty about employment/money coming in, or feeling a bit like I don't belong to any friendship groups in particular.......................I don't know. I do know that only I can pick myself up and get back up on a positive road again, so that'll be my task for the week I guess xx. For sure, I want my children to be happy in their own skins, so it's important they see me being happy in mine x.

This song is how I feel right now - my head is too full and I just feel a bit overwhelmed and lost.

Pirate Pandemonium

Today we went to Pirate Day!! Which the children loved and it was really fun, it was really great to see Adam enjoying himself as it was busy but not TOO busy for him, and I can really see his capability to deal with busier places is increasing which is encouraging. He did become anxious about getting pictures of everybody, and we missed Captain Hook, but instead of being upset he decided somebody else might put one up somewhere that we could see and that he was lucky to have got the rest, so another positive change also in how he is dealing with disappointments.

The day was slightly marred by some stupid old man who decided to plough into the bunch of children that Adam and Jessica were in and drag a little girl along under his scooter because he was fed up that the town was busier than normal, but luckily the little girl seemed to be ok and the bloke was caught on CCTV so hopefully will get his comeuppance. Jessica was asking at bedtime about the bad man and if the little girl is ok, think she was rather shocked by it all as she kept saying in her bed "Myra wouldn't do that, Myra stops her scooter doesn't she for children"...hmm think Myra may be answering some long questions next time we see her at coffee morning! (Myra is a lady we know who uses a mobility scooter, she is much nicer than the man today!) Again, Adam didn't become too anxious about this, was reassured the girl was ok and happily enjoyed the rest of his day. It appears he is growing up! As I said to him today, he is the first nearly 10 year old I have had, so I might get some stuff wrong when I'm trying to help him with life changes and learning to be accountable and take responsibility for things, but hopefully we will muddle through together.

Here are some pics of our fun :D

Jessica refusing to have her picture taken....

 My two little tearaways

 A picture with Peter Pan!!

 And, Jessica's shoes. She stole my camera again.

It was a pretty cool laid back kind of a morning, which is unusual for my two with organised public events, and we even managed to walk all the way home (aided by three bags of sweets from the market) without me having to do any carrying. I am hoping for some sleep tonight as they are all most definitely shattered, although Toby hasn't got the memo that it has cooled down and is not managing with the heat today despite being fine for the past week at hotter temperatures, go figure. Tomorrow we shall crack on with the school holiday plans, and after 3 more days of school next week, all systems are go :D

The Blog I Didn't Write

So I was going to write a really intelligent and thoughtful blog about the recent media reports on proposed changes to school lunches. I thought about lots of things I could write, including the fact that it would take an age to get even a small school like my children's through the lunch hall if they all had school lunches, therefore it would be totally unfeasible. Also about how they could cater for severe allergies, restricted food diets by parental choice, and where would they draw the line at "exceptional circumstances" without being discriminatory. Another thought was that it would merely be a "look good" exercise, because I could quite easily pack my child a packed lunch full of vegetables, salad, brown rice and dried fruit and pretend it was all getting eaten but it wouldn't actually improve his health at all or help him learn to make independent healthy food choices. The same as serving all children a school lunch may look good on paper but it doesn't mean they will all eat it, in fact it may just create more food waste, more food issues and higher obesity issues due to a generation of children who wouldn't know how to make their own independent food choices and would think they had to clear all their plate and that a pudding was a "reward" for doing so. I was even going to write about how I'm not that bothered if they have a crack down on "unhealthy" lunches but only if they are equal and let packed lunch children have a cake for pudding the same as school lunch children get without getting all hypocritical about it. Plus there is the fact that they don't know what other food the children have at home so can't really judge whether or not they are having a balanced diet just from seeing one meal a day. I never send my 9 year old with vegetables because he isn't really into salad or raw veggies (plus he seems to only get 10 minutes to eat his lunch so anything that is too faffy is a no-no anyway), but he eats plenty of cooked vegetables every tea time. But hey ho. I had a busy week and I'm tired and I decided that I'd leave it to all the Super Mum Bloggers out there who somehow manage to have massively professional looking blogs AND children who are still alive every night at bedtime. Not sure how they do it, I seem to be able to actually keep the children alive and the house vaguely tidy OR creatively and attentively write about the best methods for doing so. Doing both in the same lifetime is rather out of my reach. I wonder if maybe when my children are grown up I could do it in flashback style. Maybe that is their secret, their photos are all 20 years old as are the events they are writing about..................................hmmmmmm conspiracy ;)

I have booked myself a couple of nights away with my littlest baby in just over a week, when the eldest two are at their Dad's for the week having fun. I keep having vague flashes of guilt that I am looking forward to some time just wandering around aimlessly, reading/knitting in an evening, eating a meal in peace (albeit with a baby stuck on my boob but lets not get unrealistic here), but then I shake myself and remember I am a person too and part of my personality is that I need to reset myself every now and again, get away from busy situations and stress and noise and just have a little bit of a break from, well, people.I may be an imperfect parent, but I'm perfect at being me, I just have to remind myself how to do that every now and again. And to be yourself is surely one of the most important life lessons a parent can give their child x.

I promise I will put some pictures up of our goings-on this month very shortly......................when I remember how to get the stupid things off my phone and it stops constantly bleeping at me because apparently the voltage is too high and it has stopped charging, despite the fact it is not even actually on charge....

The Important Things in Life

I have been hesitant to post as we had a trip to A+E on Saturday. Again. This time with Toby receiving a really scary head injury. Again. This time he didn't have to stay in but he has a very obvious injury to his forehead meaning we are constantly getting asked what has happened and when we tell people, getting constantly reminded of what could have happened; either by them telling us or just from the shocked looks on their faces. My poor brave little man who fell down the stairs at 5 weeks old and has two skull fractures, was hit on the head by a falling metal tv bracket and has a deep cut to the front of his forehead. How on earth he managed to escape with only a deep cut to the forehead goodness only knows. Probably the same way he managed to escape with only two fractures and no permanent brain injury after a fall down a full flight of stairs. He is such a chilled out relaxed happy baby that it makes us feel even worse that these freak accidents keep happening to him. This picture was taken shortly after he had just had his head glued.

So happy?? He was actually smiling at the nurses when they were cleaning it. My funny little chap. Surprisingly we have not had a social services visit. To be honest as much as obviously I don't really want one it disturbs me that two head injuries in 6 months hasn't been flagged up, no wonder so many cases go unnoticed until it is too late.

So that is my confession for the week. That my little baby has had another freak accident and even though it could have happened to anybody, as could our first accident, I still feel rather rubbish about it. I suppose any normal parent would, it would be rather unusual not to be bothered.

Other than that, my week has been filled with trying to get things done such as order school uniforms for September, pay for school trips, send admissions forms back into the school office, ring up about the council tax, send a complaining email to Sky, get the car hire booked for my sisters wedding, find something to wear to my sisters hen do, tidy the house ready for the Children's Centre lady coming to visit tomorrow and sort out our wedding guest list. In answer to your question of how many of these things have I done? None. Zilch. Nada. I have however done lots of feeding Toby, tickling Jessica, chatting with Adam and drinking tea with James. All the important things in life ;)

Some common mistakes that I make...

Sometimes, I yell at my kids when I'm walking down the street. Like on Sunday when we were on the way to the Salvation Army (so therefore making me feel even more guilty) and Jessica was walking on the wall and then refused to move until she had a drink. Except I hadn't brought a drink (bad mummy fail). Background to this is that she is experiencing a bit of regression this past couple of weeks and being rather challenging and I am doing my utmost to be really sympathetic and lovely mummy but sometimes I am kind of knackered and I snap because, well, I'm not perfect. So there she was stood on the wall, about 5 minutes walk from the Army, and she wouldn't move. She wouldn't even be picked up and carried. And I was just like "Jessica, what do you want me to do, magic a drink from thin air?? Seriously, come on, we can get you a drink when we get to the Army!" And she didn't shift and then I yelled at her "For goodness sake what do you want me to do, I can't do anything, please just come on!!!" And for the life of me I can't remember how we resolved this, I must have because we got there, I think I distracted her somehow by seeing something to look at or somebody to beat or thinking of somebody she would see when she got there, or something. But it certainly wasn't the shouting that got her to move, so complete and utter fail - one for shouting, two for doing it even though I know it's pointless and just makes her dig her heels in further. I hate shouting at kids, and I hate it even more in public because it isn't nice for them to feel like strangers are looking and that they should be talked to like that anyway especially in front of other people. But still, I sometimes do it because sometimes I just haven't had enough sleep and I've already said the same thing ten times, and sometimes just because like on Sunday I just do not know what to do. I have myself an amazingly stubborn and fiercely independent little girl who sometimes I just don't really know how to handle and so I make mistakes and learn how to do better the next time.

Tonight we made cookies, because she really would have liked to go to the park on the way home but the problem is we pass that park every single day and we can't go to it every single day because we would never get home - especially as she is even more reluctant to walk home once she has run about at the park. So we have a rule that we go on Tuesdays, that way it is easier to say no the other days. Today she really would have liked to go, apparently, so I said we could make cookies if we went home. That is bribery in a form, I suppose, so possibly not great parenting, but she happily agreed and walked most of the way home so I'm quite happy with my decision. We also did actually need cookies making for packed lunches so it wasn't an extra job or treat or anything. I left her alone in the kitchen to go see to something in the room, and came back to this.

"Is it ok if I put more sugar in?" was the question asked. Hmmmm. "Did you put more sugar in already?" I replied. "uhmmmmmm.....nooooo...." was the very drawn out answer. I wasn't convinced. "I won't be cross, I just need to know that's all, did you put more sugar in darling?" I asked in a very light hearted voice. "Yes, but just a little bit", was the truthful answer. "How much is a little bit?".........."Just two". Very helpful, I have no idea what that means - two grains, two handfuls, two spoonfuls?? I just say "Ok, that's fine, lets get you down and cleaned up", and hope for the best. They have turned out yummy so either I am a sugar junkie or more than likely she did just put two tiny bits in.
So yes, I also leave my child sat on worktops whilst I go into the room next door, and let her eat brown sugar before tea. I am sure some people will tell me all the terrible things that could happen, but then they don't know my daughter. As much of a fireball as she is, she wouldn't dream of doing anything like touching kitchen equipment, jumping about on a worktop, tipping the ingredients out (on purpose - obviously the floor needed sweeping after this bout of baking with helpful child involved), or eating the whole box of sugar. Sometimes, you have to stop yourself before you judge other people and remember that they probably know their children better than you do.

As an aside, I just went up to see Adam in bed and his actual words to me were "This has been an awesome Adam evening". This is something I have not heard him say in a while, and all we have done is a normal Monday evening of Xbox, Family Tea Time, eating a fresh baked cookie,  baths/showers and film watching. I guess children don't need expensive things, spectacularly massive treats or even perfect parents. They just need to feel loved, safe, and like their family home is a good place to be.

*Must try harder tomorrow......................................and must stop eating the cookies..........*

Standing in somebody else's shoes xxx.

When you see a parent carrying a 4 year old whilst pushing a pram with a 6 month old and holding a scooter balanced on their fingertips, instead of tutting that the 4 year old should be walking - Offer to carry the scooter, you don't know how tired the 4 year old is or how desperate the parent is to just get home.

When you see a frazzled parent counting their pennies because their toddler is demanding a drink AND chocolate, instead of commenting that they should learn to get what they're given - See if you can afford to help them buy the drink, you don't know how thirsty the toddler is and whether the chocolate was promised for walking instead of being carried or just because the parent didn't realise they had no money left and had left their bank card at home.

When you see a little girl running around with wild hair whose mother says she won't let her brush it, instead of commenting that YOUR child knows she has to do as she's told - Tell the mother it doesn't matter, it's not the end of the world, you haven't tried to get that particular child to have their hair brushed and you don't know how hard it might be.

When you see a Mama crying because their 4 year old child just plain won't budge and it's raining and their 9 year old is getting stressed and the baby is crying, instead of telling them it's their fault the children are like they are - Give the Mama a hug, give the 4 year old an incentive, tell the 9 year old they are doing a super job of looking after their baby brother, and offer to help them get home.

When somebody tells you they just can't work because their child just doesn't "do" childcare, instead of snapping that some people HAVE to make tough decisions - Believe them, not all children are the same, and they have probably worked with other children and DO know what it's like to juggle work, childcare and a house, quite possibly all by themselves without a partner, and even more likely feel guilty and like they have to justify themselves every single day.

When a Mama tells you they need some time out, a break, to feel less like a human climbing frame, instead of telling them that they should want to constantly be with their child otherwise they don't love them enough - Tell them that everybody feels that way sometimes, there's no need to feel guilty, and it's ok to need to feel un-mauled every now and again.

When you walk in a house where children live, instead of commenting on the mess - Be honest about how messy your own house is or how it would be if you had children, no cleaner, and hadn't slept in 4 years. If there is only one untidy room, do NOT focus on that one room, even jokingly.

Most of all, when you see a parent struggling, instead of judging, see what you can do to help. There are enough people in this world judging parents without us turning on each other. There is no such thing as a perfect parent - if you know you are doing it wrong, then at least you care enough to be bothered about whether or not you are doing it right........and as we tell our children, the most important thing is that you try your best, because sometimes, that just has to be good enough.

Plums From A Stranger

So, I have been very absent because we have been to DisneyLand Paris and we are moving house in TWO SLEEPS and I was ill. I am most likely going to continue being rather absent as we won't have an internet connection for a couple of weeks and I need to unpack the house and make it all lovely and "family home-ness".

Almost every night I have thought of things I could blog about, and many times I have almost picked up my phone and started writing, but stopped as I just needed sleep and I knew that if I started writing I wouldn't stop, and then as the days went by I just couldn't decide which thing to write about as so much as happened. I needed a break, and sleep. I had a virus last week which was, I think, a very mild stomach virus but my body decided that actually it was pretty tired and couldn't cope with a mild stomach virus very well so would just stop working for a couple of days and make me stay in bed. I was slightly ill Tuesday, woke up Wednesday morning feeling better, walked down the stairs and promptly passed out on the kitchen floor, giving myself a stupid burn/graze above my left eyebrow in the process. I was shipped back off to bed and the children were whisked away from me for most of the next couple of days, with the GP instructing me over the phone that bed rest and much fluids were needed so I did as I was told for once. At the weekend I ventured into Shipley with Toby and smiled at a lady at the bus stop because I had thought she was tucking into a chocolate bun then realised it was a plum and smiled at myself really for being daft. The lady then, bless her, decided that I needed her plums because I looked tired. I managed to persuade her I had lots of fruit at home (I didn't want to take the bag of plums she had just bought for herself?!) but she did insist I had one plum to eat on the way home because I had the little baby to feed and look after. I didn't tell her I had two more in case she changed her mind and tried to give me them all again! But it was a lovely gesture and the plum was very nice, and I find it refreshing when people are still just "generally nice" to each other these days, when there are so many reports in the news of negative events concerning friends and family let alone strangers. I don't want my children to be easily trusting of others, but I also don't want them to be automatically mistrustful, and scared to talk to anybody. Having a chat with a stranger at a bus stop can be an interesting 5 minutes, a break from a busy day, and can often give you another perspective on things. It is always good to have an open mind.

So, I apologise for not telling you all the interesting things that have happened this month and not sharing our amazing time in DisneyLand Paris yet. I'm sure I will get around to blogging about how Jessica's favourite spot was the Dragon's Lair and Adam's was all the caves and tunnels in Adventure Land, how amazing it was to see the looks on their faces when the light show came on and the concern Adam showed for his sister when she fell asleep just before it started and he thought she would miss it (she woke up as it started and stayed awake all the way through so no worries). One day I am bound to reminisce about Jessica having a fringe cut in her hair for the first time and, upon looking in the mirror, announcing seriously "Well I'll have to change my name now!" There was also Toby's first roll onto his side, his amazing little smiles and gurgles, the way he was a superstar on holiday despite not usually liking too many days out in a row, and his really ace new brand of cloth nappies that I absolutely love and want some more of. We have had many "made up off the top of my head to use up the contents of the kitchen" teas, all of which have been surprisingly successful and some that have made our "main go-to list" which will help with saving some money in the coming months. There will be further news of Adam's first foray into music with Cornet lessons, which apparently are going great, and he actually walked to school with a friend, with me very far behind (carrying a scooter, a Jessica, and pushing a pram with a Toby in it), and happily got there all by himself, so his confidence levels are having a surge it would seem.

But for now, I am signing off, because I have a really exciting few days ahead, with a real family home to be created and I want to focus on life, right now, as it happens. Sometimes I miss facebook and my friends on there, but the positive changes in my life I feel are worth it and I can't see myself going back anytime soon.

The Breakfast Issue

I find it hard to eat breakfast even though I love breakfast food. The problem is that I love bacon and eggs, porridge, pastries, bakes, fruit salads, yoghurts etc. I'm not over keen on cold cereal and although I love toast, I eat far too much of it. Fruit and yoghurt are easy in a morning but I don't always fancy the chopping (plain apple/banana/orange doesn't grab me) or the coldness plus the kids steal it........

So I am working on this problem, trying to get a filling yet at least slightly healthy breakfast down me without it looking too cold, costing a packet, going soggy, getting stolen or just really not getting made in the first place.

One of my successes is Slow Cooker Porridge. Made overnight so I have to eat it the next day as it's already there! I grate an apple into it to get some fruit in me, might think about adding some seeds in there too. But it does require forward planning and it is getting to summer.

So this morning I whacked the following in the blender -
1 banana
2 yoghurt tubes (peach)
handful of oats
2 heaped tsp of crunchy peanut butter
Milk - just put in enough to part cover other stuff, didn't measure

And then I drank it straight down and it was yummy! No hard work crunching fruit and didn't seem same as other cold food first thing. I could improve it's health rating by adding more fruit and getting some plain yoghurt in the fridge (just used what was there today) but overall I think we have another winner.

Need to investigate my pins for some other breakfast ideas, maybe home-made muffins could be a hit...........anybody have any other ideas??