This one's for you..................

This is another funny one. A good time to be ill? The children timed it perfectly with their chickenpox, after I'd finished work, after the Christmas festivities, and whilst they had lots of new toys to play with whilst stuck at home. The weather was rubbish and despite the itching and lack of sleep it was nice to have some family "time-in". Now, it appears I am ill, and it is also a good time. I suddenly developed a bone-aching cough at around midnight last night (or this morning, depending on your take on the matter), and didn't get back to sleep until after 5am. I didn't even doze as I sat on the computer playing Japanese number puzzles to try and take my mind off the fact I was unable to even breath without it being followed by a bone-aching coughing fit. My shoulders, arms and wrists ache every time I get one of these coughs, I'm not really sure on the reason but just put it down to my weak wrists and imagine I will most likely get arthritis of some description when I'm older. Ah well, there are worse things in life, or so I'm told anyway :P

But it is a good time for this. This week I have really kept up with my own personal take on the FlyLady routines, and my house is gorgeously clean and homely, a lovely place to curl up and watch TV in whilst I get better. I couldn't really have timed it better. I do have the children back at 5.30pm, but I also have James coming over after work and to stay all Sunday too, so all will be good. Have been offered a lift to the Army on Sunday morning as well, so feeling very settled right now. Things appear to be falling into place rather well. I guess, when you take the bull by the horns and decide it is the right time, then the right time comes along. 

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to uproot

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time to build

A time to weep and a time to laugh

A time to mourn and a time to dance

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time to refrain

A time to search and a time to give up,

A time to keep and a time to throw away

A time to tear and a time to mend,

A time to be silent and a time to speak

A time to love and a time to hate,

A time for war and a time for peace.

I'm not feeling overly great, and appear to have completely forgotten how to move photos from my blackberry to here. I will ask James to re-teach me, and will be back very soon with pics from this new time in my family - of leaf piles, buns, nail varnish and the re-emergence of Adam's World War II obsession :D

I'll leave you with this.......................it's stuck in my head, and it's not really aimed at a particular person, I think rather just the whole of my life and the people and places in it right now..........................I chose this version more because the video is more "me" than the Elton John one, usually I would go for the original but the images in this sum up much of what are really the best times in life.....................just to be.

"I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above....."

I have just seen this poster in a magazine. And it sums up what I have been trying to do these past few months. I want it for my new house, I am definitely ordering it as soon as I move in :)

"LIFE ISN'T
ABOUT
WAITING
FOR THE
STORM TO
PASS IT IS
ABOUT
LEARNING
TO DANCE
IN THE RAIN"

Last night I was tired so I went to bed. Meaning I woke up to a complete shambles of a house and no pack lunches made etc. Luckily the children slept in so I made them then got them up, dressed and straight out the door - Nana's for breakfast this morning. Last night I couldn't seem to get myself into gear. I thought that I would regret that today. But instead, I woke up in an optimistic "start-over" style mood. This evening, I have cleaned all the kitchen and done 3 lots of washing up. Made tea for me and the kids. Cleaned the living room, sorted out washing to send to their Dad's and my Mum's, and put all the clean laundry away. Cleaned all my bedroom, packed everything that I won't need before I move, sorted everything out I'm getting rid of, taken photos of things I can possibly sell, bagged up everything for charity, and vacuumed the carpet. I am pretty awesome, really.
I've rung the estate agent and confirmed my sign-up/move date, and found out the totally great news that workmen are in all this week sorting every single little problem out. I've made a list of house-moving things to do and sort, and done some already, and to be honest don't majorly feel that stressed, which is weird but there we go!! Although could do with boxes, if anyone has any going spare!!
I've also found a totally awesome wagon for the festival, and some ultra-cool ear defenders, so that is also on target :D
Jessica was ill this weekend, we had to take her to a&e Sunday morning at 6am. Bad timing, wouldn't recommend it, they're wading through all the paperwork from the Saturday night idiots. But anyway, it was ok, apart from being stood behind a bloke who'd had a sore throat for 4 weeks. And I caught the signs early enough that she is getting better already, rather than being in hospital for a week like she was last time. So as much as October was pretty tough, obviously something very important was learned and made use of.
Sometimes things are pretty tough, and somebody standing there saying "you've just got to make the best of it", makes you want to smack them over the head with a frying pan. But, when you calm down, it's kinda true. If you truly live through whatever is going on, not just exist and hope it passes, but truly live and experience it, then you do become a stronger and richer person, and life will never be able to make you feel that hopeless ever again. Take back your power and control over your life, don't let it control you. I'm not happier because I've changed who I am. I'm happier because I'm being who I am. And when you take control of a really rubbish situation, or moment, the feeling of achievement is ten thousand times higher than when you do it from an easy starting position. I would definitely recommend trying it.

The Day Of Adventures.....

Today, I have crammed a years worth of adventures and mishaps into the short space of approximately 12 hours :D
And at one point, I was drowning in it all, but then I thought what, what am I doing?? Who else is going to sort all this out?? And as my lovely Louise Atkin said, this is what I am good at :D
So, I looked on google for ultimate feelgood songs, picked "Don't stop believing" by Journey (NOT the glee version, bleurgh sick-making), and danced in the kitchen whilst swinging on the worktops. And now I feel so much better ;)
I got up early this morning, took delivery of my new table and chairs for the garden (which now I need to find a new garden for......), then took delivery of my fruit + veg box, then took delivery of 4 giant children's maps - one of the world, one animals of the world, one of the solar system, and one of the ancient world. They are pretty awesome, but not putting them up now until we move. Then I took delivery of some bunting for Jessica's birthday party. Which is now also a house LEAVING party rather than house warming lol.
I ran around tidying my house for my volunteering mentor coming this aft, put Jessica back to bed because she was tired, then sent Adam with his friends mum to her house. Ran around did some more tidying, fought with some wasps for access to my washing line (and won, obviously), and built my table and chairs up. Questioning why bloody TESCO have to put 2 sticky labels on every chair that refuse to come off properly. Huh. Then I made Jessica's lunch, grabbed the Hello Kitty shorts that stupid H+M forgot to take the tag from, and speed-walked to Saltaire in 20 mins because my watch had stopped and I didn't realise so I only had 20 minutes to get there in. Looked around the house, phoned the estate agent to see what they were fixing, phoned my mum, and walked up to my old work to give Natalie Bithell the Hello Kitty shorts to get sorted at H+M for me cos she's lovely like that. Said hello to the gerbils at the nursery and got read a book about gerbils by two 4 yr olds who surprisingly remembered me, then took Jessica for a little walk around and had a nosey at the awesome new play area outside. Walked all the way back home, just in time to unlock the door before my volunteer mentor came. Had a chat and a drink and did paperwork, then gave Jessica a banana smoothie icelolly which apparently burnt her hand because she refused to hold it by the stick. Stood holding the lolly by the stick whilst Jessica sucked it, then gave her an ultimatum - hold it or lose it, and she decided to hold it herself. Went on the laptop and did a good/bad list about the house I'd viewed, then welcomed Adam back home from his friends. Tried to make tea, whilst Jessica sat on the side and 'helped', only to find out halfway through that the oven had broke, so instead of tuna fish pie with veg we had cheesy tuna mash with veg. Apparently it was the best tea Adam's had in ages, hey, who needs an oven??? Then I rung my sister for her opinion on what to do about moving house, then I changed Jessica's nappy 3 times in half an hour because she thought that would be a fun thing for me to do, and then everything exploded around me as the children ran around generally causing chaos and the oven timer bell kept ringing and my phone kept beeping with messages and the tv was playing some star wars thing and Adam was singing about "Dancing onto the floor all night oh yeah" and I was trying to decide where to live and how to fix the oven and what I need to buy and do for Jessica's birthday party, and when I could move house, and Adam was shouting "Mum she's pooed again!" and Jessica was laughing and stripping off, so I thought EVERYBODY STOP!!!!!!
And I took Jessica upstairs, put her pjs on, and put her to bed. Then I came downstairs, shut myself in the kitchen (Adam was happily watching Generator Rex, this was not neglect), and this is when I found myself playing "Don't Stop Believing" at top blast, and generally just deciding that actually, everything is going to be fine. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE.
Because I said so. So there. And I text James Coleman and told him that everything was going to be fine, because I had decided it was so. Because I needed to share this decision. And he agreed with me, which was nice of him. And then, then I rang my mum and told her I am going to take the house tomorrow if it's still available. And when I asked what they were doing, my dad said "relaxing, that's what you do after a hard days work", and I, inwardly, laughed. Because, my dad is pretty much retired and only does a days work every now and again. And HAVE YOU SEEN how much I've DONE today?????? My mum laughed at him too, haha. And no, I'm not relaxing. I have too much to do. But, it's ok, because everything is going to be fine. What's the point of it not being?
Ah, and breath................................

You Live You Learn

I have had an amazingly busy week, with lots of things happening. And it's caused me to look back and think. In the last 6 months, I have moved house and area, returned to work and got a new job, ended a long-term relationship, made some really good new friends, drifted from a couple of old ones, gone back to church, changed many of my own personal goals and plans for the future, and possibly, albeit rather tentatively, started a new relationship - the gossip train's are up and running, might as well confirm it, but shhhhhh because I am a bit shy :s. That's quite a lot of change for one person. But, good change. And that is the key, changes can be good, if you make the right decisions. I have had important decisions to make this week, and am hoping that I have made the right ones, so fingers crossed!!

This weekend has been one of those weekends that feels like it has stretched on forever, like it's ages since I have been at work. And as I finally found my house keys and camera, we have been in the back garden, and taken lots of pictures!!

Nappies drying outside where they belong!

The tree I tore down with my bare hands :D

 The decimated tree...........yeah Jessica could snap it too, I guess it was kinda dead......



 Jessica being embarrassed that she had got herself trapped

 I will FORCE my way through!!!

 Putting them to work - not exactly child labour, it is going to be their area!

 TaDa!!!!

 Outdoor living ahhhhhhh......

 Adam seemed to look very old to me this Sunday :( and :), mixed feelings :s

 And then Jessica let me plait her hair and looked all grown up too!!!

 Jessica's first plait

 So all is good - but now what do we do with this lot???



 So, yes, to be fair, I am still up and down. The smallest things can make me feel rubbish yet big massive things I can sometimes handle. It works the other way though, the smallest things can make me feel on top of the world. And it's those small things that need to be focused on, rather than the ones that have a negative affect.

Today was a good day because:

I got the washing put out on the line before I set off for work and still set off on time

I thought I had only enough money for a fare to Bradford, but then my card had money on so I could get a dayrider

The weather brightened up just at the right time for me to go home with no coat on

I got the washing up done before both children came home tonight

The washing outside was all dry despite the earlier rain shower

I got invited to a party

All those little things just made me feel happy and alive. I love my job, and my house is great, my garden is amazing, and I have incredibly great friends and family.

I just feel there is a lot to do right now, so much to organise and work out, and I often feel like I'm walking through a minefield, constantly negotiating and retracing my steps, and it's kind of tiring. Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward my life to a more settled time, but then how would I learn anything or grow into who I am supposed to be? And as I write this, "We live, we learn" is coming into my head. Think it's an Alanis Morisette song, must find it. Ah, here we go:

Today's thought? Ask yourself this question - What's the worst that could happen? And if you can live with that, then do it.

Space Hoppers Are Cool

I love my new job!!! I sooooo love my new job!!! It is the bestest nursery I have ever seen or heard of or worked in or anything!!! Sorry, had to get that out of my system :D
So, this month is going good so far. It's only the 2nd of March, but hey, let's be optimistic!
So, I am thinking of the penny thing. Now, I know, that the most excited people in the world to find lost pennies, are small children. Adam loves to find pennies and stash them in his moneybox. So I could leave pennies in the school playground. However, I imagine the teachers wouldn't be too impressed. From experience, it is amazing how much disruption one found penny can cause to a class of under 8s. So I think it is best to simply leave pennies in my garden for Adam to find. And Jessica, of course. Miss "I demand to be included and I will also get out of bed and get a book to read because Adam is doing" - yes that's right I can hear the patter of toddler feet above my head little monkey!!
I have done lots of jumping in the last 2 days. As it is absolutely freezing, so I have been having jumping races with the children at my new setting. But they have cool space hoppers and I don't :(
Ah, so the Spring Clean. Which may appear random, but it is linked to the Space Hoppers. My house is pretty well organised and clean, so I will be spring cleaning my garden and sheds. I am pretty sure Adam has a giant space hopper he got for Christmas, so we may be having a bash on that soon, would be worth a pic on here :D Oooh, if I buy another we could have giant space hopper races at my housewarming/Jessica's birthday bash :D
I am doing absolutely brilliantly well with my secret goal, although I wasn't supposed to be starting it until Tuesday, but something came up that kind of led to it semi-starting already, so yes, it is good.

This is a boring blog today, because it is just about how wonderful I am and how lots of good things are happening hehehe.
But, there is a lesson to be learned here. Things are only going well, because I sat up and told myself they were going to. I didn't set myself ridiculous heights to reach or unachievable goals. One step at a time. I'm pretty certain that I will be due a bad day soon, and things won't be great. But I have made lots of new friends recently, and re-connected with some old ones, and I know that I will make it through anything, with more knowledge of myself and the tools I need to make life happen. I am even thinking of attempting to get over my great zombie phobia :s
Now I am off to fish all the books out of the duvet covers and then have a TV catch-up because I am so damn organised that my house is clean and our lunches packed for tomorrow already :D

If you need help, ASK for it, and listen to THE song:
What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Joe Cocker

The March List

• Say 'white rabbits' before anything else on the 1st
• Notice the snowdrops.....aren't they lovely
• Spring clean
• Search out baby animals & behold their cuteness
• Have a pancake flipping competition with 7 friends* (*who aren't as good at flipping pancakes as you)
• Leave a penny for someone to find
• Support a team
• Jump
• Alphabetise something (anything)
• Be lovely

I am also adding the following myself:

• Write letters + postcards to people :D
• Accept any invitations (if I can afford it and am free of course)
• Go to Edinburgh with all the other yummy mummies ;p
• And I have a secret goal that I am telling nobody apart from Claire T and Ann, and they MUST prod me to make sure I keep up with it :)

Higher, Higher and Higher!!!!!!

Woohoo!! I have found a festival, that is family friendly and not too overwhelmingly massive for the kids (and me haha), in the NORTH of England!!! How ace is that!!! I just need to figure out travel and tents etc, I am probably being totally too optimistic here, but I think that if I managed to get 5 trains to Wales and back with Adam at 3 (and still in nappies), with a pram, and 5 days worth of luggage. Then surely I should be able to manage with them both on a train with only 1 change, and a shuttle bus? I mean, I'll only need enough stuff for the 3/4 days, and you can get those little pop-up type tent things right? Uhm, yes, I'm being wildly optimistic I know, but sometimes you have to be!! And, I managed with a buggy and a kids suitcase and a massive rucksack and a little bag on all those trains, so I figure if I have the same but with an extra 7 year old to help me pull/carry things, should be ok? Hahaha, I know, I'll figure something out I'm sure. I really really really want to go!!! It would be cool if other people wanted to come along too, but I have decided that I should go anyway with the kids and not be a scaredy-cat just because nobody else can come.
Ah, so, that is my hyper-ness over and done with for the night. And breath. I'm really looking forward to starting my new job after the hols, can't believe how lucky I've been to find somewhere that seems so nice and friendly and small and well-organised. And Adam is totally chuffed that I'll be off in the school holidays, bless him.
I have been told, by a qualified therapist, that lists are a good thing. So "ner" to all you people who have laughed at my list-making. Apparently, it breaks things down into manageable chunks, helps our brain to process, and means we are more likely to complete the tasks. HA!!
And on that note, I have had lots of people asking about the cleaning method I put on facebook yesterday. I purposely put on facebook I was cleaning so I wouldn't be able to be distracted on there! Now, I did get the idea from somewhere on the internet and I've forgotten where, and I have adapted it anyway, so I'm going to call it "Chaos Clean" (thanks to Sarah Iles for that idea!), that way I won't be stealing anybody else's title (I think it was called a Crisis Clean, so this is NOT a Crisis Clean :D)

Chaos Clean Rules

1. Don't get distracted doing extra things that don't really need doing right now, or distracted by moving things between rooms.
2. Make sure you're fully dressed so you feel properly awake
3. Have happy energetic music playing on a playlist so you don't have to keep skipping tracks etc.

Then, you start in the kitchen. 15 minutes. Get rid of all the rubbish, stack the washing up + put things to soak etc. Anything that doesn't belong there just stack by the door. When 15 minutes is up, stop immediately. Move to the living room, taking the door pile with you. Again, get rid of any rubbish, and stack anything that doesn't belong in there by appropriate door (hall if belongs upstairs, kitchen if belongs in there). Just work your way through, sorting things into piles. After 15 minutes, immediately stop. Go back to the kitchen, carry on what you were doing. After 15 minutes, stop and have a 15 minute break. Then start the cycle again, but instead of doing the kitchen twice (that's just a kick-start cos kitchen usually messiest), do a different room i.e. bathroom or bedroom. So for example: Kitchen, Living Room, Kitchen, BREAK. Living Room, Kitchen, Bathroom. Remember to only do 15 minutes in each room or you'll get bored and lose motivation, and have 15 min break every 45 minutes. I personally, only do 2 cycles at a time because the bedrooms I usually do on a night when the children aren't here so 2 cycles does all my downstairs and bathroom. You won't believe how much you get done! As one person commented, at first you feel guilty leaving a room half-done, but then you go back to it you feel like it's easier because you've already done half of it x.

I think, this approach can be applied to lots of things in life. You look at something and think it's overwhelming. But if you divide it up into manageable chunks, you can do it. And you need to remember, to always give yourself a break. Far too often we beat ourselves up over things that really we shouldn't. Everybody is human, everybody deserves to blow off a little steam, have a little rant, have a little slob, and then pick themselves up and start over. Step by step, day by day. This week I had a lot on and my mind was totally going crazy. I wrote it all down, divided it up between the days, and then thought "oh, I don't have that much to do each day."

Today's song is "Don't Worry, Be Happy" Bobby McFerrin, followed by "Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher" Jackie Wilson. I distinctly remember dancing madly around with a 4 year old to these songs in my last job, and that vision will always be with me :D

"Yeah I'm Down, But I Know I'll Get By"

Ah. My house, 3 hours ago, was an absolute complete bombsite. You could barely see the living room floor, and every single kitchen surface was covered. And the floor was covered in dry pasta. So, I decided, tonight was the night!!! I planned my playlist, and I dug out my crisis clean plan. And after starting at 18.55, at 20.50 I was done. Is it pretty damn tidy? Yes. Is it completely finished? No. Do I have tomorrow night to finish it? Yes. So is there a need to kill myself completing it tonight? No.
We must learn our limitations. If I clean for hours on end today, tomorrow I will be tired, I will be fed up, I will not keep up with cleaning or feel like doing anything else, and by Friday I will be back in a mess. So, I promised myself I would finish by 9pm, and I have. And I still feel good. Now I feel like the rest of my week is achievable, if I can clear that much mess in that much time then the rest should be fine!
My favourite song at the moment is "Someday I'll be Saturday Night" by Bon Jovi. Take the time to listen to the lyrics, they're good :D
"Some day, I'll be Saturday night, I'll be back on my feet I'll be doing alright. It may not be tomorrow baby that's ok, I ain't goin down I'm goin to find a way...."
It doesn't have to be today, or tomorrow. It doesn't have to be anytime. But one day, it will be time.
I have signed up for my next Open University course. I figured if I did the last one whilst pregnant and working where I was and the hours I was, then I should be ok haha! I've decided to alter course a bit though, as I've discovered recently that I really enjoy helping people figure stuff out. And, uhm, my therapist was stealing ideas from me today............
I feel like, since I started writing this, I have also started talking to people a lot more. I feel "amiated" nearly every day, and have also received some lovely messages from people about this blog helping them. Next week I am going on holiday and it's going to be strange, with no internet. But hopefully it will give me time to reflect and have space, and finish Isaac's birth sampler which has been sorely neglected in the past month!! Obviously, you will all miss me so badly that when I come back it will be to a zillion facebook messages practically begging me to write something, anything, immediately. You will be happy to know that I will be taking a notebook and pen with me to write down any strange bizarre wanderings my mind takes, and any scarily insightful remarks made by Adam. Also, I will be taking the camera to record all of the mishaps Jessica manages to get herself into and involve the rest of the family in. If you see any strange news on the tv concerning Dumfries, just pretend you never heard of us. But, that is not until Saturday, so I am sure to be back with my crazy ramblings before then. And on that note, I am off to eat cake and watch some sky plus in my lovely tidy living room xx.

The Bright Side of Life

I have discovered today that I am incredibly clever. Psychic in fact. Today, I have done nothing at all, because Adam wanted to stay at home and do nothing, and Jessica was rather tired and clingy. And then, when I looked in my diary just now, it said "Pottering only Sunday". So, now I am completely justified in the decision I made this morning. I must remember to check it every morning - would hate to miss out on an event like that :D
So, Friday 4th Feb was supposed to be "bake a cake day". But I didn't do it, because I was going out Friday night and didn't have the children back until Saturday so I figured it would be wasted. I have made the executive decision to move it to next Friday (the 11th), when I have my friends coming around so I can feed it to them.
I had a chance to look on the bright side today. A friend decided to come around tonight to see me as I wasn't having a completely fabulous day. However they then realised they had to do something else that is rather important. This upset me for a while (although I must add I was not upset with the friend as it was a genuinely good reason), but as always, determined not to falter in the early days of this year of adventures, I found the bright side. I had tidied up for my friend coming, so now I am sat in a lovely tidy house, with spare time on my hands to relax. Indeed, there is always a silver lining to every grey cloud. I seem to remember when my mum used to say that to me, I always replied with "so then, there's always a grey cloud with every silver lining, right?" Argh, in 5 and a bit years I too shall be the parent of a teenager and truly understand why my mother's hair went grey.
So, tonight, with my lovely clean house and free time, me and Adam set up his Triops tank.

Which also has an extra bonus, in that it made me tidy my desk. Here it is:

I'll tidy the floor tomorrow...........