Plums From A Stranger

So, I have been very absent because we have been to DisneyLand Paris and we are moving house in TWO SLEEPS and I was ill. I am most likely going to continue being rather absent as we won't have an internet connection for a couple of weeks and I need to unpack the house and make it all lovely and "family home-ness".

Almost every night I have thought of things I could blog about, and many times I have almost picked up my phone and started writing, but stopped as I just needed sleep and I knew that if I started writing I wouldn't stop, and then as the days went by I just couldn't decide which thing to write about as so much as happened. I needed a break, and sleep. I had a virus last week which was, I think, a very mild stomach virus but my body decided that actually it was pretty tired and couldn't cope with a mild stomach virus very well so would just stop working for a couple of days and make me stay in bed. I was slightly ill Tuesday, woke up Wednesday morning feeling better, walked down the stairs and promptly passed out on the kitchen floor, giving myself a stupid burn/graze above my left eyebrow in the process. I was shipped back off to bed and the children were whisked away from me for most of the next couple of days, with the GP instructing me over the phone that bed rest and much fluids were needed so I did as I was told for once. At the weekend I ventured into Shipley with Toby and smiled at a lady at the bus stop because I had thought she was tucking into a chocolate bun then realised it was a plum and smiled at myself really for being daft. The lady then, bless her, decided that I needed her plums because I looked tired. I managed to persuade her I had lots of fruit at home (I didn't want to take the bag of plums she had just bought for herself?!) but she did insist I had one plum to eat on the way home because I had the little baby to feed and look after. I didn't tell her I had two more in case she changed her mind and tried to give me them all again! But it was a lovely gesture and the plum was very nice, and I find it refreshing when people are still just "generally nice" to each other these days, when there are so many reports in the news of negative events concerning friends and family let alone strangers. I don't want my children to be easily trusting of others, but I also don't want them to be automatically mistrustful, and scared to talk to anybody. Having a chat with a stranger at a bus stop can be an interesting 5 minutes, a break from a busy day, and can often give you another perspective on things. It is always good to have an open mind.

So, I apologise for not telling you all the interesting things that have happened this month and not sharing our amazing time in DisneyLand Paris yet. I'm sure I will get around to blogging about how Jessica's favourite spot was the Dragon's Lair and Adam's was all the caves and tunnels in Adventure Land, how amazing it was to see the looks on their faces when the light show came on and the concern Adam showed for his sister when she fell asleep just before it started and he thought she would miss it (she woke up as it started and stayed awake all the way through so no worries). One day I am bound to reminisce about Jessica having a fringe cut in her hair for the first time and, upon looking in the mirror, announcing seriously "Well I'll have to change my name now!" There was also Toby's first roll onto his side, his amazing little smiles and gurgles, the way he was a superstar on holiday despite not usually liking too many days out in a row, and his really ace new brand of cloth nappies that I absolutely love and want some more of. We have had many "made up off the top of my head to use up the contents of the kitchen" teas, all of which have been surprisingly successful and some that have made our "main go-to list" which will help with saving some money in the coming months. There will be further news of Adam's first foray into music with Cornet lessons, which apparently are going great, and he actually walked to school with a friend, with me very far behind (carrying a scooter, a Jessica, and pushing a pram with a Toby in it), and happily got there all by himself, so his confidence levels are having a surge it would seem.

But for now, I am signing off, because I have a really exciting few days ahead, with a real family home to be created and I want to focus on life, right now, as it happens. Sometimes I miss facebook and my friends on there, but the positive changes in my life I feel are worth it and I can't see myself going back anytime soon.

...and from Limbo we enter Chaos

So the last week has been rather crazy. We have been in limbo for a while now, waiting to move, waiting for Jessica's birthday, waiting for Cub Camp, waiting for Disneyland, and now suddenly they are all upon us.
Jessica had a fabulous birthday party, with much help from Julie, Rachel and my Mum. Toby happily played whilst it was all set up, wanted feeding 10 minutes before it started, sat with my Mum for the whole afternoon and wanted feeding just after it finished - perfect baby or what?? All of the children were lovely and it was a fun and thoroughly enjoyed by all afternoon. I can't post any pictures as they all have other people's children on, and I know for a fact that three of the children there can't have their pictures on the internet and wouldn't dream of putting the other children on without their parent's permission anyway. But I can share a picture of the Treasure Map Cake I did at the last minute when Jessica suddenly decided two days before her party that she would quite like one of those.

Not bad I don't think - Jessica loved it so that is all that matters :D
We had telescope making, dancing, Pirate Pete says, dancing, musical bumps, dancing, Guess where the X should go on the map, dancing, colouring sheets, dancing, pass the parcel, dancing, a crazy 5 minute "CANNONBALL FIGHT!!!" with plastic ball pool balls and side-turned tables complete with table-cloth covered legs for good old fashioned health & safety (rather than just banning it outright like all these politically correct people would have you do these days :P) and then a "WALK THE PLANK!!!" to the food tables with cannonball cheese crisps + grapes, cheese on swords, jelly boats and pirate topped buns amongst other yummy offerings. The party bags were given out simply containing chocolate coins, freaky fish, a "Pirate ............'s Room" colouring sheet (free printable online) and a sheet of pirate stickers, and many thankyous were said by all. It was a fantastic party to say that a good amount of the children were only just 3 or under and I was really impressed.

So now on to the next happening which is Cub Camp, Adam took all his bed kit tonight and made his bed roll, luckily I had remembered to sew his Diamond Jubilee badge onto his camp blanket so I am in the good books. The rest of his kit needs packing up tomorrow, fingers crossed James is picking up his new walking boots from the sorting office tomorrow and we have everything he needs. He comes back at lunchtime on Monday and we are setting off at lunchtime on Tuesday so a quick laundry turn-around, possibly borrowing Nana's dryer, may be needed on Monday afternoon!! Although if he is the same as he was on Big Camp last year he will come home with a bag full of clean clothes, wearing his thermals and the same set of clothes he went in because "you have to get up early for breakfast and it was too cold to keep getting changed". So, uhm, a bath/shower at Nana's may be needed Monday afternoon actually, if we have to be all sat in the same car for hours on Tuesday afternoon.......

Talking not-so-good odours, we have car sickness tablets and sea-bands for Jessica to try out, and I am just about to search google for trips on what to pack for kids with a tendency to throw up on car journeys. Wish us luck!! I am also creating some travel activity bags for the kids, using and adapting some fab activity ideas I have found on pinterest. I got 2 velcro pads with attached ball (put away for future use) for only £1.69 today and created a figure play set each, and with amazing timing my Aunty got Jessica some magnets with a two-sided magnetic play scene so we have taken all of her magnets off the fridge and created another activity set for her.

Adam will no doubt be enacting a mini World War II, whilst Jessica can continue her bizarre obsession with Cut the Rope figurines.

Forever Friends set, with added Peppa Pig, Dora and Barney magnets, the other side is a garden party scene.

I have bought some dry eraser 'crayons' by Crayola that need no caps, some lollipop sticks, and will be working on a few ideas I have up my sleeve over the next few days.

So we are food listing, packing listing and car journey listing tonight, with a good sprinkling of tidying and getting everything ready for the morning so I can hopefully repeat last Thursday's success in getting all three children out of the house and Adam at school on time. Then in the afternoon it is time for new Jessica car seat shopping, looking for something that is relatively simple to clean in the likely event of it being covered in sick, oh joy. We will be mostly shopping and packing over the next few days, ready for our exciting trip to Disneyland Paris yippee!!! Then when we get back, only 2 weeks until move date so the packing can begin in earnest, double yippee!!

I am feeling a lot more positive, although having many meltdowns in the midst of all this as this house is just far too crowded and small things become big things in that kind of situation for all of us, except Toby who remains happy and chilled regardless, bless his little soul. I am sure, somehow, he has been sent to restore peace to our little family unit. He is definitely here for a reason.

Plans? You have plans? We three children laugh in the face of your plans...

So, I deactivated facebook. This morning I woke up feeling very relaxed and motivated. Toby had to be at the doctors for 10.40am for his injections and we managed to get there almost on time without any Jessica meltdowns. She rode her scooter all the way to saltaire roundabout which is up quite a hill, we missed the original bus I had planned to catch but I saw that she was trying her best and reminded myself that it was me who should have given her more time to get up the hill. So I encouraged her rather than getting cross, told her it didn't matter about the bus and just got the next one. We were only a few minutes late for the doctor and she felt good about herself.
Fast forward to this afternoon. Everything went wrong, Jessica's behaviour sky rocketed, Adam was mid meltdown and poor Toby was crying his little eyes out which he never does so presumably his legs were aching from his jabs.
James and I had planned to do as much tidying of the house as possible. Instead I was stuck on the sofa with a cuddly and bossy Jessica and the kitchen got more messy (as did James) when I tried to open the strawberry milkshake powder and ended up pouring it over his head whilst he was knelt down putting dishes away. Shaky hands. I've been having headaches recently, and now with shaky hands and noticing my engagement ring is more 'fitted' it seems that high blood pressure may be trying to sneak back in.
So James swept that up, I attempted to herd the children to bed without an all out war, and then I laid on the sofa and unashamedly cried. I am tired, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong with Jessica whatever I try, and poor Adam is getting grief at every turn - from his sister at home and a boy at school (letter to teacher has been written tonight and will be sent tomorrow and hopefully sorted) and is struggling to cope.
As an aside, James is sat watching 'Going Postal' and one of the lines struck me as what I would say "Can't I even die in peace?" hahaha. As many mums will testify, it's rare you even get to wee in peace.
So. James made me a cuppa and we talked and made plans for tomorrow, choosing to ignore the fact that they didn't work today. Without hope what is there left?? And I am currently sat reading "How to talk so children will listen and listen so children will talk". If nothing it helps just to know I'm not alone. Underneath it is "Siblings without rivalry", hopefully that will have some gems of wisdom. With another cuppa, and a pack of custard creams, we'll figure out a way forward I'm sure xx.

The perils of a countdown.

Recently I am struggling immensely. My to do list is never ending, my house is bulging at the seams (the man keeps selling things but then buying more with the money?!), and I have been waiting for a move date since November to a bigger house due to the owner being messed about by people he was buying from. So now, we finally have a definite secure date to move, at the end of May. I thought this would make me feel better, that everytime I got annoyed at stubbing my toe on an airer, or falling over 5 things in a row, or having to move the entire kitchen around to be able to sit for a family meal, or Jessica literally climbing the walls, that I could think "Only ... weeks". And I'm doing that, but it's not working. Because oh my goodness it's like the last pregnancy trimester, the clock seems to have stopped and wow is it dragging! Every little thing in this house turns into a big thing, the children are stressed, James and I are stressed, there are so many daily arguments and I am just hoping we make it to the new house intact.
I feel like packing would make me feel better, but we have no space to pack or place to put anything that we pack. We already have a ton of stuff boxed up at my parents that we could live without for a month or two. It's now been 4-5 months and the children want their stuff back. The plus side of that being that when we move they will have shedloads of 'new' stuff to play with whilst we unpack :-) Although Toby is growing out of his carrycot already so I may need to fish out the new pushchair that "We definitely won't need until way after we move so it can just go straight to my parents in the box" hahahahahaha.
Of course, have to look for the plus sides ;-) And we are amazingly lucky to have found somewhere local and spacious and within budget. But seriously, please give me strength, leeway, whatever for the next 8 weeks, I may seem grumpy and as up and down as a hyper 3 year old, but I promise things will improve soon. This year will be a good year, many unforeseen events have turned into positive future opportunities, and after all, it is Only 8 Weeks!!!
Jessica displaying crazy Mummy's feelings surprisingly accurately.....

It's only a few months until February....................

It appears that there is only so much information a head can hold until it starts to revolt. I think my head is starting to get a bit full.

I know that in a few months, everything will be fine and settled or at least on it's way to being, but sometimes knowing that isn't enough to get you through without a little bit of stress on the way. And it annoys me when if I talk about being stressed or needing a rest, I get comments about how having a third baby will be harder and he will be with me all the time and I shouldn't have planned to have him if I couldn't cope, blah blah blah.

For one thing, who said I couldn't cope?? Needing to vent, a hug, chocolate, some sleep, time to eat, somewhere to offload, that doesn't mean you are not coping, it just means you are ensuring that you CAN cope. I can cope, my children are fed, James and I am mostly fed, we have clean clothes (albeit often from the laundry basket rather than the drawers), all of the bills are paid and on time, the children get to school on time and with all letters signed and money sent and according to the teachers are delightful and happy, and sometimes I can even see the living room floor!!

Plus it's not about having a third child. It's about having everything happen at once, regardless of any other commitments you might have. If you thought about what could or might happen and what you could cope with and should do and commit to in case various scenarios happened, you would remain locked in your childhood bedroom in your parents house I would imagine. Right now, I often feel that I just don't have the time to be pregnant, and that this pregnancy is surplus to requirements in this current situation. I hasten to add that it is not surplus to requirements in my feelings or James or the children or anybody else. I simply mean that everything is ever so busy that to be honest this pregnancy has passed in a blur and I have somehow reached 31 weeks without even realising (possibly because I miscalculated and did think I was a week behind this......), and that there is so much going on right now in my family that I forget I am pregnant half the time, never mind everybody else.

I haven't a clue when we are moving house. We know we have a house to move to, which is something to be grateful for as so many people are struggling to find somewhere affordable that meets their needs right now, so I know I am lucky in that respect. We know it is most likely some time in the next 2-3 months, and that we can start packing things we don't use often and store them at my parents. Which, on the surface, is great, lots of time to prepare and save up and get organised, right?

The fact that those 2-3 months also include Christmas, the current lease renewal date, and the baby's due date are a slight issue. The fact that my Dad would usually help us move house and is due in for an operation in the next 2-3 months is also an issue. And that my Nana is in a rehab home and my Mum and Aunties are spending the majority of their time either visiting her to make sure she is looked after properly (because she isn't being), or trying to figure out where she will go when she comes out, is another slight issue in this plan. Add to this scenario that my 3 week old niece has just been diagnosed with CF meaning my sister is rather overloaded with information and tired, and that I have to go for pointless genetic counselling (pointless since I have already talked it over with my sister and James and my GP and am not dumb and the NHS is supposed to be short of money) in order to be able to be tested to see if I am a carrier. And that Adam would quite like to meet his biological dad soon please, if you don't mind, just to make sure he's not dead because somebody at school said he might be dead, and that would be sad if he didn't meet him before he died. Oh and then there is the news that my little brother is due home in a couple of weeks, great news and Adam is ecstatic, but means another heap of emotions in my head and another things currently being sorted out and paper-worked and planned by the family. So yes, it's kind of a busy 2-3 months. And I'm kind of tired. And I'm tired of people telling me that I'm tired and doing too much and they're worried I'm not coping.......................but not actually doing anything to help, and instead making it sound like it is all my own fault, when actually no, I wasn't aware that this was all going to happen when I got pregnant and even if I was single with no children I would imagine it would've all been a bit stressful and busy anyway.

The general gist of this is, don't ask somebody if they are ok if you don't want to know the answer, or if when they do tell you they are tired you are simply going to start telling them how tired you are yourself or how tired everybody they know is. And that it's probably not a good idea to decide to get pregnant when everything seems to be quiet because it will probably all explode shortly afterwards and you'll just mostly end up forgetting you are pregnant. And that just because somebody needs to vent and is tired, doesn't mean they can't cope or that they have too many children, it just means that too many things are happening and they need to let some of it out of their head, and if they didn't then THAT would mean they weren't coping, because it is BAD for your health to keep it all inside and not vent and THAT is when you stop looking after yourself and your children and not coping.

I am not complaining, just in case anybody gets the wrong idea. Ever since I was little, I have loved that my family is big and it is messy and it is often quite like a soap opera. Because it means that there is always somebody there, and always some comedy storyline behind the main tragic and stressful ones. It means that Christmas is busy and fun and that there is always somebody somewhere who can pick the children up from school if you pass out on a bus. It means I have lived in houses with not much heating and thick jumpers and moved from bedroom to bedroom as people moved out and moved in, and I truly appreciate being able to let the children buy chocolate on the way home from school, but still want them to know that playing at the park is cheaper and healthier than constantly buying new xbox games. It means that there is always somebody else taking the limelight or the attention so you can just quietly get on with your own life without feeling like you need to please everybody. And one day, I am looking forward to having my children and grandchildren around keeping me busy and needing money and help with childcare and advice on how to deal with mixed up 9 year olds and wild 3 year olds. Because in my family, somebody, somewhere, will have been through it and know what they are talking about, and that is always a useful resource. But that doesn't mean that everything is roses and I don't need a bit of a rest, or that they don't.

Just give people a break. You don't know everything about a person, remember that. Half the time they don't  even know everything about themselves.

And because life is crazy, and this is totally irrelevant to this entire blog post, this is the song that is in my head right now. I guess because it is fun and like a bit of a whirlwind and to be honest doesn't make any sense at all the lyrics are pretty much a jumble of whatever they fancied saying, like life and my family, you have to just go with it and get on with it because what else is there for any of us to do.

Crazy little people ;)

Today has been a crazy day, a busy day, a fun day. A walk to Shipley for Lego minifigures and fruit, and a walk home with two full bags of shopping. For some reason, as the children are going to stay at their Dad's tomorrow for a week, I ended up buying a load of food for them. Hmm, strange that.
So, the morning started off with Jessica "stealing" Adam's chair, and pouring her cereal all over the floor. Then I banged my head on the door and got told to "shurrup" by Jessica for saying ouch. Other events throughout the day included me cutting the knuckle of my finger open, gaining a new (to me) table and 4 chairs less than 12 hours after wishing out loud on facebook for them, and a rather stressful 2 levels of Lego Star Wars III on the Wii. Which has led to the new rule of the house - only one level per day. Adam has taught Jessica to say "fine", as in Me - "Please go tidy your bedroom before bedtime". Adam - "Fine!", followed by Jessica - "Fine!" up the stairs they went. Jessica decided to stand in the wastepaper bin, according to Adam this was because she wanted to throw herself away after she hurt him. According to Jessica it was because she was stuck and needed chocolate. We compromised and they had strawberries and milk for supper - mainly because that was what Jessica raided out of my fridge. I need a higher fridge. But I immensely love my new table. It has already been eaten off and play-doughed and drawn on and sat at with a coffee, and the chairs have already been argued over 3 times :D Believe it or not, since I moved out 10 years ago, this is the first time I've had a proper table and 4 chairs. Previous ones have either been fold-up jobbies or small patio sets. It makes me feel settled to have a proper table.

Today has been rather eventful. I'm pretty tired. But good tired. I haven't a clue what I'm going to do with myself for the next week. I was supposed to be sorting all my house out, but I've done quite a lot of it these last two days as Adam decided he wanted to "help" me do it. This "help" mainly consisted of him putting all his toys on a high shelf, and then playing Lego Star Wars whilst Jessica tried to climb up to get them all. He likes having a little sister. He doesn't have to get rid of anything, everything that is too small (or that his friends will say is too small) he just "gives" to Jessica. He puts it on one of her shelves, and then just plays with it whenever he wants. Magic.

I needed to write this, because it's been one of those days where so much happened, but all normal every day family stuff, that it all needs to come out, and also it's good, that despite the fact it's been a crazy mad day and I got hurt and Jessica is going through a spurt of hurting Adam, it's actually been a really good day. It's been a laughing and bonding and making a home kind of a day.

If you're free next week, say hi, because I won't have any crazy little people to talk to.

The Day Of Adventures.....

Today, I have crammed a years worth of adventures and mishaps into the short space of approximately 12 hours :D
And at one point, I was drowning in it all, but then I thought what, what am I doing?? Who else is going to sort all this out?? And as my lovely Louise Atkin said, this is what I am good at :D
So, I looked on google for ultimate feelgood songs, picked "Don't stop believing" by Journey (NOT the glee version, bleurgh sick-making), and danced in the kitchen whilst swinging on the worktops. And now I feel so much better ;)
I got up early this morning, took delivery of my new table and chairs for the garden (which now I need to find a new garden for......), then took delivery of my fruit + veg box, then took delivery of 4 giant children's maps - one of the world, one animals of the world, one of the solar system, and one of the ancient world. They are pretty awesome, but not putting them up now until we move. Then I took delivery of some bunting for Jessica's birthday party. Which is now also a house LEAVING party rather than house warming lol.
I ran around tidying my house for my volunteering mentor coming this aft, put Jessica back to bed because she was tired, then sent Adam with his friends mum to her house. Ran around did some more tidying, fought with some wasps for access to my washing line (and won, obviously), and built my table and chairs up. Questioning why bloody TESCO have to put 2 sticky labels on every chair that refuse to come off properly. Huh. Then I made Jessica's lunch, grabbed the Hello Kitty shorts that stupid H+M forgot to take the tag from, and speed-walked to Saltaire in 20 mins because my watch had stopped and I didn't realise so I only had 20 minutes to get there in. Looked around the house, phoned the estate agent to see what they were fixing, phoned my mum, and walked up to my old work to give Natalie Bithell the Hello Kitty shorts to get sorted at H+M for me cos she's lovely like that. Said hello to the gerbils at the nursery and got read a book about gerbils by two 4 yr olds who surprisingly remembered me, then took Jessica for a little walk around and had a nosey at the awesome new play area outside. Walked all the way back home, just in time to unlock the door before my volunteer mentor came. Had a chat and a drink and did paperwork, then gave Jessica a banana smoothie icelolly which apparently burnt her hand because she refused to hold it by the stick. Stood holding the lolly by the stick whilst Jessica sucked it, then gave her an ultimatum - hold it or lose it, and she decided to hold it herself. Went on the laptop and did a good/bad list about the house I'd viewed, then welcomed Adam back home from his friends. Tried to make tea, whilst Jessica sat on the side and 'helped', only to find out halfway through that the oven had broke, so instead of tuna fish pie with veg we had cheesy tuna mash with veg. Apparently it was the best tea Adam's had in ages, hey, who needs an oven??? Then I rung my sister for her opinion on what to do about moving house, then I changed Jessica's nappy 3 times in half an hour because she thought that would be a fun thing for me to do, and then everything exploded around me as the children ran around generally causing chaos and the oven timer bell kept ringing and my phone kept beeping with messages and the tv was playing some star wars thing and Adam was singing about "Dancing onto the floor all night oh yeah" and I was trying to decide where to live and how to fix the oven and what I need to buy and do for Jessica's birthday party, and when I could move house, and Adam was shouting "Mum she's pooed again!" and Jessica was laughing and stripping off, so I thought EVERYBODY STOP!!!!!!
And I took Jessica upstairs, put her pjs on, and put her to bed. Then I came downstairs, shut myself in the kitchen (Adam was happily watching Generator Rex, this was not neglect), and this is when I found myself playing "Don't Stop Believing" at top blast, and generally just deciding that actually, everything is going to be fine. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE.
Because I said so. So there. And I text James Coleman and told him that everything was going to be fine, because I had decided it was so. Because I needed to share this decision. And he agreed with me, which was nice of him. And then, then I rang my mum and told her I am going to take the house tomorrow if it's still available. And when I asked what they were doing, my dad said "relaxing, that's what you do after a hard days work", and I, inwardly, laughed. Because, my dad is pretty much retired and only does a days work every now and again. And HAVE YOU SEEN how much I've DONE today?????? My mum laughed at him too, haha. And no, I'm not relaxing. I have too much to do. But, it's ok, because everything is going to be fine. What's the point of it not being?
Ah, and breath................................