"Wear Your Red Dress......."

Rather shockingly, I seem to have gained a life recently. I am spending time doing real things instead of writing my blog. It was completely unforeseen and unexpected that this would happen.

I am spending a large amount of my time researching home-education, and the more I read, the more I firmly believe this is the right option for my son as a viable option to secondary school. He also believes this, which only strengthens my resolve. Tomorrow we are going to visit a construction club led by home educators and hopefully have a chat with some people, as I think I will feel "braver" about this after meeting some people in real concrete life who are already doing it. The main aspects that interest me are the ability to create a curriculum tailored to his interests and abilities and future plans, which can be changed at any time, and be as flexible and free-flowing as he and the rest of our family need it to be. That he won't be subject to un-necessary peer pressure to conform and fit in so that he doesn't have to endure bullying. That he can have real socialisation, in the real world that he will live in for the rest of his life after school-age. That he won't have to do 10 or more subjects, some of which don't interest him, and instead can focus on subjects that interest him and gain greater knowledge in those areas, and gain a wider education in the real world, how to actually cook and clean and budget and "live". At the moment he is interested in Maths, English, Science, History, Religious Education, Geography and Latin, with a good sprinkling of ICT throughout. He would also like to learn karate, cooking, gardening, go swimming more, learn to play the piano, do lots of reading, and immerse himself in Harry Potter. Sounds pretty well-rounded to me ;) It is a rather scary prospect, I am worried I will fail, but if I sent him to school and then complained that they had failed him, would it truly be them failing him or would it be me, who had sent him somewhere unable to meet his needs? I am lucky that I am able to consider this, we are not well off at ALL but we are good at budgeting. However I feel I need to think in the long-run of a self-employed business opportunity I could do from home, especially at some point to begin building up a pension. It's all rather grown-up, this child-rearing stuff isn't it ;) I don't know whether Jessica will be attending secondary school or whether she will also suit home-educating better, she is only 2 at the minute and still developing her crazy little personality, but long-term thinking suggests I need to work on some kind of financial sustainability.

Other than that, I have been cooking, and cleaning, and sewing badges on to a camp blanket, going to the Salvation Army, going to band practice (although not tonight, as it's raining heavily and it's the school holidays which tends to skew my plans somewhat), planning my sister's hen-do, vaguely having ideas for my own wedding, planning Jessica's birthday, budgeting, oh always budgeting :P I have also dug out the cross-stitch and started re-watching ER from the beginning :)

Jessica and I have been making rock-buddies from a kit that a lovely friend passed on to us, it had stickers in which suited my sticker-addict down to the ground!! Adam has been very Harry Potter orientated, is half-way through the fourth book and keeps re-watching the fifth film. Apparently the fourth book is in the school library but he can't get it as it is in the "cream" section and he has only just moved up to "ruby" a couple of weeks ago............apparently the How to Train your Dragon books are in "ruby".........which he read last year at home. Don't you just love school reading schemes :P It's a good job we have well-stocked bookshelves at home :D Jessica also likes Harry Potter, she wanders around the house waving her drumsticks about shouting "Smelly Armpits!!", her logical take on "Expelliarmus". We got a letter from my little brother yesterday, and Adam was massively excited, declared that it was "his" letter, and read it repeatedly. When I later mentioned it is Jessica's birthday in just over 4 weeks, he announced that "And then it will be only 7 months until Uncle Andy comes home!!!" I said, "Do you miss him?" He said "Of course, I do, he's my family, I love him no matter what." I love my little boy, he's quite amazing. Think I best email his Uncle Andy and tell him what was said.

All in all, we are having a rather nice time just being together as a family, James is here quite often and is moving in shortly. Adam is very excited by this, and keeps saying "YES!" when we mention it - although this is usually followed by "I can't wait to have his TV in the kitchen so I can watch DVDs when Jessica is bossing the TV". So I can't be 100% sure on their motives for being happy about James moving in..................

Life goes on, as they say, and apparently it is true. It sure has taken it's time to show up. Possibly, after a settlement period, I will be back on this blog more often, when I have realigned all of my priorities. Who knows, in a couple of years it could be chronicling our adventures in the land of "Education Otherwise" :D

I was searching for a positive song about moving on. I have just found this most amazing song. I love it!!! I found the lyrics and have written them underneath. This is one awesome song - "Turn Up The Music" - this your life, live it!! It makes me feel like the whole tone of this blog is different, if I'd have listened to it first I'm sure it would have been. Listen to the lyrics, read them, and do them.........

How You Live - Point of Grace - Music/Lyrics Cindy Morgan

Wake up to the sunlight
with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

Chorus:
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

So go to the ball games
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

Chorus

Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin

So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Chorus

'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

This one's for you..................

This is another funny one. A good time to be ill? The children timed it perfectly with their chickenpox, after I'd finished work, after the Christmas festivities, and whilst they had lots of new toys to play with whilst stuck at home. The weather was rubbish and despite the itching and lack of sleep it was nice to have some family "time-in". Now, it appears I am ill, and it is also a good time. I suddenly developed a bone-aching cough at around midnight last night (or this morning, depending on your take on the matter), and didn't get back to sleep until after 5am. I didn't even doze as I sat on the computer playing Japanese number puzzles to try and take my mind off the fact I was unable to even breath without it being followed by a bone-aching coughing fit. My shoulders, arms and wrists ache every time I get one of these coughs, I'm not really sure on the reason but just put it down to my weak wrists and imagine I will most likely get arthritis of some description when I'm older. Ah well, there are worse things in life, or so I'm told anyway :P

But it is a good time for this. This week I have really kept up with my own personal take on the FlyLady routines, and my house is gorgeously clean and homely, a lovely place to curl up and watch TV in whilst I get better. I couldn't really have timed it better. I do have the children back at 5.30pm, but I also have James coming over after work and to stay all Sunday too, so all will be good. Have been offered a lift to the Army on Sunday morning as well, so feeling very settled right now. Things appear to be falling into place rather well. I guess, when you take the bull by the horns and decide it is the right time, then the right time comes along. 

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to uproot

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time to build

A time to weep and a time to laugh

A time to mourn and a time to dance

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time to refrain

A time to search and a time to give up,

A time to keep and a time to throw away

A time to tear and a time to mend,

A time to be silent and a time to speak

A time to love and a time to hate,

A time for war and a time for peace.

I'm not feeling overly great, and appear to have completely forgotten how to move photos from my blackberry to here. I will ask James to re-teach me, and will be back very soon with pics from this new time in my family - of leaf piles, buns, nail varnish and the re-emergence of Adam's World War II obsession :D

I'll leave you with this.......................it's stuck in my head, and it's not really aimed at a particular person, I think rather just the whole of my life and the people and places in it right now..........................I chose this version more because the video is more "me" than the Elton John one, usually I would go for the original but the images in this sum up much of what are really the best times in life.....................just to be.

Times They Are Changing

It's time to get back to the original purpose of this blog. Now is the time.
I can't quite get myself to go back to the diary, as much as I love it and love the lists, it is somewhere that I needed to be at the time, something I needed to do to get me going, kick-start me. But to go back to doing it now would be too prescribed, too structured, I think I've moved beyond that phase.

Let's refocus on The List Of The Year :D

The children have been on adventures, we have been camping and they loved it - well I'm not sure that Uncle Stuart loved driving around for an hour in the car getting Jessica to sleep on the first night but it's all a learning curve ;) We have moved house twice in the year, which is an adventure in itself, and have re-started Salvation Army attending. Now it's Autumn we can go for crispy walks in the woods and wander along the canal all wrapped up snug and warm with the promise of hot chocolate and warm cookies on our return.

I do believe I am getting better at photos. I am smiling more, letting it be about the moment, and not stressing *too* much. The only problem I have is when you're stood there smiling and there is a massive delay on the camera and your smile starts to feel fake and you feel like a clown. I'm still working on that one.

I went to Bingley Music, spent most of the time in the kids area - which was absolutely fantabulously amazing - but did go down to the music field for a bit and Adam actually loved just standing there for a bit, so next year I think we may try to do it on a more organised scale with more people, blankets, etc. Jessica should be that bit older to make it more do-able anyway. Adam's highlight of the day was seeing "The Teenagers!!!!" from the army, bless him.

I think I'm learning to like myself, I'm sticking up for myself more anyway, it's a work in progress. I'm definitely happier now that I've got my keyboard adaptor working, and have managed to find a tenor horn to loan. I feel I can get back to my self that way. I'm not the greatest piano player in the world to be fair. I can do two hands and I can do my scales, but my fingering is quite often pretty poor and I can never do all the chords and extra bits. Hopefully I play with expression and that makes up for the bad technical skills! So that covers my aim to re-learn the piano. The Tenor Horn is a different story. Well it used to be. I can play that, it's my instrument and I'm good. Many people play it as a poor second to a cornet, there are too many cornets in the band already, or they can't reach the top notes so get "downgraded". Not me, I love the tenor horn. I did start on the cornet, as most learners do, and yes I struggled with the high notes. But when I moved to the tenor horn I fell in love. It's my favourite instrument in the world and it even looks good. It's less pushy than the cornet, it's not there at the front saying look at me look at me. But it's there, it's sound is there in the very centre of the band, and quite often with lovely haunting solos just coming out of nowhere. I just hope I can still play after all this time. I sat in the living room last night with my fingers in the air and seemed to remember the fingering of all the notes, just like riding a bike, so fingers crossed.

I still can't dance, and really I think that's on a back-burner. Not everyone dances, some people prefer to be on the sides with the music. Maybe that's part of who I am, and do I really need to change that? I'm not sure.

My  friends I am talking to more. And some old friends I am definitely talking to more. And some even older friends I am talking about important things with, sharing and overcoming past issues. You can't get any more real than that. I have lost a friend or two, but the ties with others have become stronger. And that is what counts. One of my friend's mums said to me, you can't stay friends with everyone you have to do what's best for you, as long as you don't go around purposefully hurting people then that's all you can do.

I haven't been looking on the bright side. My blogs have been rather dark, and I've been slipping, I know that. But this is start-over day. This is the bright side peeking out and making itself known again.

I am laughing more. I laugh with James, mainly. He just can't help himself. I laugh at work, and I laugh with the children, and I laugh with friends. Lightening up is the order of the day.

My house is getting there. I have let it slip slightly in the past week or two but it was tidy enough for me to do that without it causing absolute chaos. I am aiming for Christmas, by Christmas it will be beautiful. This Christmas IS going to be a good one, I know it, and will make it so.

Organising my photos and making memory books and finishing Isaac's birth sampler have all been on a back-burner. I needed to get my head together first, and learn how to relax and let myself have me time again. I seem to never sit down, sit still, or just be. Hopefully I am getting to a place where I can start doing that again, and then, when I am there, they can be brought to the fore once again.

Eating properly and toning up have been a challenge. I was eating properly but then with everything that's happened in the past couple of weeks I just kept forgetting. But I'm trying, I really am, and that is all I can do. I have James here making me food and reminding me to eat, so fingers crossed it will all work out ok. And I will get back on the Wii Fit one day, as with the photos and cross-stitch it has been waiting for me to allow time to myself first. I was going to join Zumba but I've decided it's just too far outside my comfort zone to work, and also I want to go to band practice again which is on the same night. And will definitely enhance my life far more than Zumba. I know myself better these days, and that is a definitely correct choice.

The cinema is a story in itself. I haven't been every month, and not for a while, but I have been more than I used to and I have seen films I would never have thought of seeing. I saw Thor and Captain America and actually enjoyed them, so will be going back more often and trusting in other people to choose good films. As long as there's nothing scary in them. I still always remember when an ex took me to see "Resident Evil". He knew I was terrified of zombies, and because I am a completely naive person to computer games I didn't have a clue what it was about. I couldn't sleep for weeks afterwards, even now thinking about the storyline can make me lie in the centre of the bed with my eyes wide open. So, I complained to my ex before him about this. And he told me how bad this was, how he can't believe he did that. And then, he took me to the cinema. To see 28 Days Later. REALLY?! Now I research all films thoroughly for even the slightest mention of zombies, undeadness, viruses, before getting anywhere near the cinema building. I am open to different genres, but NOT THOSE!!!

So now I am going, as I have a 2 year old yelling at me from the living room for "BEEEBIES MAMA MORE BEEEBIES!!!" And we need to get dressed and get to the army. But I'll leave you with this final bit of wisdom..................

"Make New Friends And Keep The Old, One Is Silver The Other Gold"

I can't sleep. I had chinese takeaway food. I forgot this makes me not sleep. So I got up to drink lots of juice in the hope of rehydrating my body and possibly getting a couple of hours sleep before I need to get up again. This week I decided, as I don't have my children, to get ever so slightly involved in MAD week at Shipley Salvation Army, where I have started attending again. MAD = Make A Difference. They do lots of things in the community, and a kids club and cafe at the hall, and basically just try and make a difference I guess. And what I have written there will not do it justice at all, they've been doing it 6 years and do shedloads, but I'm no expert on the matter so can't really give you any more details without possibly getting something wrong. I think they try to show people that church doesn't just mean "at church", it can be out there in 'real life' too, or even better it can become 'real life'. I am tentatively getting involved, quite often when I am there on Sundays I feel like an untamed foal, ready to bolt at a moments notice. I think they may have noticed this, they are also quite tentative with me. I *want* to become involved, I really do. But then, I also have this issue with getting too attached to things, to people, to communities, to letting my walls down and then something happens and they have to be rebuilt all over again, but with more broken bricks than the last time. And then it's too late I've come to rely on that support, that friendship, that community, and well.... I struggle without it. So yes, I'm reluctant to get too attached, but maybe I'll overcome that, we'll see. James is happy for me to go. He's not religious in the slightest, but he's also not against it, and he quite likes the supportive community aspect of it. So that is a good thing. I'm not over sure the kid's dad is that pleased with them going, but he hasn't openly opposed it. And I think children need somewhere to belong. When I was a child, I needed somewhere to belong. Plus, Adam decided to believe in Jesus all by himself from when he was little, so who can argue with that one?

So, today, at the Army, the band played People Need The Lord. And all I could think of, was Emma Richardson (now Emma Jones), stood at the front of Music School end of week show (which wasn't called music school anymore at that point, but that was the colloquial term so let's just go with that :p). Singing the solo, People Need The Lord. And all I could think of was, I'd really like to get back in touch with her. When I say "back in touch", she is on my facebook. But, well, as much as I try to keep it trimmed to people I either talk to a lot or know well in real life or just quite simply care about, that doesn't mean I actually talk to everybody on there frequently. I'd put Emma in the "just quite simply care about" category. Which means I haven't talked to her in ages. I even just had to look on her facebook to see where she lived, because I couldn't quite remember. And it says she lives in London, which I genuinely didn't know, and now feel rather bad. When I say I haven't talked to her in ages, she sent me a lovely message when Isaac passed away last year xx. Emma, if you're reading this, it would be nice to have a talk sometime soon xxxx.

The song, in my head, is always an instrumental piece. Because whenever I hear anybody else sing it, it never sounds as good as that night, in that atmosphere. It took me a long time on YouTube to find a decent version of it, they were either shaky camera work or harsh trumpet tones - being from the Salvation Army background, you really learn to appreciate the cornet as the better alternative ;) If you want to know the lyrics, I believe they're pretty easy to find on google. I'm not putting them on here, because well, for me this song isn't about that. And also, I don't want anybody to accuse this blog of being 'preachy', because, well, it's not. I am far from perfect, as is everybody else in this world, and certainly no better than anybody else, in fact probably quite a lot worse than some others in many people's eyes.

From me, good night (or good morning), I am going to attempt 2 hours sleep xxx.

Just To Be Is The Best Of Times

This is how I feel right now. Sat at my laptop, coffee in hand, sun streaming in through the window, reading all Jessica's birthday messages and waiting for my sis to arrive.

I can't really explain it. I just feel at peace, at one, and happy. I feel settled, even though I am moving house in 5 weeks I no longer feel stressed. My house is tidy, my kitchen is covered in food which is what a kitchen is meant to look like in my family the day before a party. We have a habit of not being able to under-cater. I am going out today with my sis and her fella to look at tents and camping things, and buy charcoal and garden toys, and I feel like this is what my life is supposed to be like. No pretence, no being somebody I am not. Unfussed and fun and lots of good times with friends and family, an open house to the kid next door, and far too many people squeezed in my tiny kitchen. Tonight I am cinema bound with James and a couple of his friends (eek!), tomorrow we are Army-bound and then it's a fab afternoon in the garden (fingers cross for the good weather!) with lots of great people, and next week we are all back to work and school but Adam loves school and my work is fab and Jessica is coming with me, and then I have a joint birthday meal next week for two of my closest friends who are totally brilliant people and have given me lots of support in the past months despite all their own problems and busy lives.
Have faith, jump off into the blue. The waters are fine.

"You Just Call, Out My Name...."

We often take friends for granted. But just the smallest thing, can let people know we value them. Reminding them of a fond memory, a photo, sending a "surprise hug" text, remembering they had an appointment that morning. I have a lot of friends. I love them all, in different ways. And in the past few months, have found out, often surprisingly, who I can lean on with no strings attached. I can't mention people by name, because I tried, and there are too many, and I don't want to miss anybody out.
Memories are an amazing thing, they bolster us through the toughest times. Sitting here, I can see a sleeve of my upper school jumper sticking out of my memory box. And I can remember all the stuff wrote on there, and those mad last days with everybody running around with pens. I can see my photo board with random friend pictures on, quite a few from Christmas Eves in the Ring O Bells, a couple from Sam's birthdays in London, one from Morecambe, one from Bingley, and lots of empty spaces waiting to be filled. In my memory boxes, are photos of random parties at my flat, all blurring into one event although from the clothes there were at least 2 and I'm pretty sure there were others. Random words bring up random memories. Wands and tiaras and pink cowboy hats from hen parties long gone (marriages still intact too :D), and notebooks full of scribbles.
When I move into my new house, I really am going to sort all those boxes out, and make a memory book (and box for the larger things), that I can flick through on those days when I need a boost. And when we're having a girly wine night in. And when I'm old and decrepit and my children say "mum, you don't have a clue what it's LIKE to be me" I can show them it too.
I think, I might need some help from friends in the next couple of months. Moving house again is quite possibly not what I needed right now. But, I know, from last time, that if I ring people and ask, they will really come and really help. And if anybody needs anybody help from me, they know where to come, this door is always open. I don't know if it's being from a big family, or from being brought up by all the different people in the Salvation Army, or from being looked after by all different people in the school holidays whilst my parents worked, or just from human nature. But whatever it is, I'm at my happiest and best when surrounded by my friends. Hopefully this Sunday will be a good weather day, and my house and garden will be full of the people that I love being with, and we can all have smiles on our faces :)

Simple Pleasures.....

I read, on the Green Parent magazine forum, about somebody reclaiming Sundays. They were doing it in the way of going "off-grid" that day i.e. not using electricity etc. I didn't quite fancy that, but I did fancy the idea of reclaiming Sundays. As a family day, a fun day, a rest day, a leisure day. Not a shopping day, or a cleaning day, or a lay on the sofa watching tv and then realise it's 12 o'clock and you've done nothing day.
And so, this Sunday, we -
Went to church (more specifically the Salvation Army). This is where I used to go from being a toddler until I was about 17/18, and where I was pretty much brought up. I left for many different reasons, but I knew this was a place my children would be welcomed and somewhere they could belong, but where I wouldn't get pressured, so when Adam asked to go to church, this is where I decided we should go. And it was just as I thought it would be, relaxed, informal, friendly, and welcoming. We stayed for a bit afterwards, Jessica was surprisingly happy to run around in a room full of strangers without even knowing where I was so that is how relaxed the atmosphere was, and she was even more relaxed enough to pull a load of pool cues on to her head to renew the permanent bump which had just been about to fade:

Moving on briefly (I shall rewind in a moment), her face today is actually covered in scratches and bruises, because she decided to come back in the front door just as her poor Nana was coming out, resulting in Nana falling over the top of Jessica, throwing herself sideways to avoid falling on top of her, and cutting her own head on the drive edging :( Both Nana and Jessica are fine, but went back inside for a sit down and a cup of tea before recommencing their journey.
Anyway, so, back to reclaiming Sundays. So, we had a lovely time and I was really proud to be told by somebody how lovely my children were and how good and how they had adapted so easily to the new environment :) So we are going back again on Sunday, think it will be good for Adam's confidence, as they were pleased as punch with his reading too.
We came home, put Jessica to bed, and me and Adam made ourselves some lunch:

Was lovely to relax and spend time chatting with him. Then I said I would get all the new outdoor toys out for him. At which point, I realised I had stupidly bought all inflatables, so was sat for the next 30 minutes blowing them all up and was then completely shattered! But then Jessica woke up, and it was lovely to see them playing together outside.

I sat on the back step with a cuppa and gave them a blueberry muffin each, and it felt good. Just to lead a normal everyday life, feels good.
So then I made tea, with a little help from Jessica, and there was way too much so I portioned some off to freeze for another time. Only to be told by Adam, that "If you fed this recipe to Piranha Plants, they would probably die". So, not a success then. Hmm, luckily Jessica liked it, so that's Tuesday night teas sorted for the next few weeks........
We then came inside, as they were getting cold (and Jessica kept running in and hiding behind the curtains, so I figured she wanted to come inside), and played on the Wii. We played Pictureka, which Adam is surprisingly good at, and Jessica giggled every time the Mr Potato Head shouted "PicturEKA!" So we redesigned him with a Cowboy costume for added giggles. This led to a big cushion fight between the three of us, which then, for some random reason known only to herself, led to Jessica sitting on the side of the sofa and demanding that we all sing "Wind the Bobbin Up". Ten times over.

There we go, the ceiling. Thus leading to me walking to work on Monday with that song stuck in my head.

So, all in all, it was a totally perfect weekend. And can I pinpoint one particular moment that made it perfect? Not really. It was just the overall package, just the taking time for me on Saturday, and the reclaiming of our Sundays. Reclaiming Sundays will mean different things to different people. For us, it meant relaxing, spending time together, being at peace with each other, and finding somewhere new to belong. If you do only one thing this year, reclaiming Sundays is probably the best thing to do. Since this Sunday, I have had a really good week, been at peace and happy and organised and relaxed and motivated. And, I've even cleaned the house :)
This is now going to have a random cut short ending, as I have a coughing toddler on my knee who is rather unhappy and would like cuddles with mummy. Night all xx.

"Change the voices in your head....Make them like you instead........."

I was asked, on Monday afternoon, by somebody that I would've least expected to hear it from, "But who's to say you made the wrong turns though?" That particular person asking me that, really really helped. So, ten years on, I am possibly going back to the place I came from, the place that brought me up and partly made me who I am, and the place where even now, I think I can belong. I think it would be nice, for my children to have somewhere to belong. This person also said, when I mentioned I had rather a bad time at the end of last year, that he thought that I was on the verge of that when I left. Ten years ago. So yes, sometimes, we need to go back, in order to move forward. And sometimes, the people we think will not approve of our choices (or indeed did not at the time), have also, like us, grown older and wiser and learned that sometimes things happen for a reason, and that the person I am today, is the person that I need to be in the world, and I couldn't be that person without the experiences I have had. Everybody is F**kin Perfect, that is how we were made, we just need to learn to appreciate and love each other's differences a little more. And quite possibly, cut back on the inappropriate language a little ;p So thank you Mr Bevan Spencer, for making me feel like I am still an important person in your world xx.

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

Tommorow, I am going to the funeral of somebody who can only be described as "One of God's Better People" - thank you Mr Robbie Williams for that one.
These two ladies, did more for more people than anybody else I know. And they did more for my family than anybody will ever know. I remember them as always being in my life, since I was tiny. They gave us clothes out of their jumble, and books, always lots of books. I credit Myra for my love of reading books she used to always give me ones that used to be her favourite when she was little. And I remember the time we were at a Salvation Army do, I must have been about 7 or something, and somebody told me my dress was beautiful, and I said in a loud voice "It's from Myra and Margaret's jumble sale" Hahaha my mum nearly died of embarrassment.
There used to be about 20 kids in their little flat on Thorpedge every Sunday, perched on chairs and tables and tops of chest of drawers, singing songs and listening to stories about Jesus.

"If I were a butterfly, I’d thank you Lord for giving me wings
If I were a robin in a tree, I’d thank you Lord that I could sing
If I were a fish in the sea, I’d wiggle my tail and I’d giggle with glee
But I just thank you Father for making me, me
 

For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me

If I were an elephant, I’d thank you Lord by raising my trunk
If I were a kangaroo, You know I’d hop right up to you
If I were an octupus, I’d thank you Lord for my fine looks

But I just thank you Father for making me, me

For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me

If I were a wiggly worm, I’d thank you Lord that I could squirm
If I were a fuzzy wuzzy bear, I’d thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair
If I were a crocodile,  I’d thank you Lord for my great smile

But I just thank you Father for making me, me

For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me "

And then we'd get split up into age groups for lessons and we'd learn all about Bible stories and do activities - all in their living room and bedroom and kitchen. They gave up their house to us, and gave us all biscuits. A lot of kids started coming just for the free biscuits, but they stayed coming for the lessons.

When I couldn't get in a decent school, these ladies looked after me for a month until my mum managed to get me in one. We used to haul the jumble to the wall by York House and spread it out and sell it to everyone. They used to tell me how much to charge people for it, but they always sold it cheaper than that. They gave me my first job in the post office at Christmas, helping sort out the toys for the Christmas club they had set up to help people save up for things gradually for Christmas. They used to come and help look after our house when my dad worked away and my mum was working too and there were us 4 kids to look after - I used to tidy my bedroom before they came otherwise I would get in trouble for not helping look after my mum, and then Myra and Margaret would come down and say "Dawn Martin I don't know how you sleep at night your bed is full of teddies" haha.

My sister used to live with them for a bit whilst she was doing her exams and she says if it wasn't for them she wouldn't be where she is now. Myra used to say, "My mum gave me a cup of tea after school and I sat down and did my homework then and there, and you'll do the same and you'll make something of your life".

I feel, like I've let them down. When Adam was a toddler I took him to see them, I promised that I would come to see them often and that he wouldn't become all grown-up without them knowing. But I didn't, and now he's 7, and I have Jessica who is nearly 2 and they've not even met her. And now it's too late, Margaret is gone. But I'm not going to let them down, I am going to make something of my life. They gave me so much, they gave me values and they gave me opportunities and they gave me work ethics. And I'll not let them down, I'll bring my children up right, and I'll take them to see Myra, and I'll carry on studying and I'll make something of my life.

Tomorrow, I will be remembering all of the wonderful things Margaret and Myra did, and I'll be saying goodbye to Margaret. But she will never be gone, she will live on in the hearts of all those children in Thorpedge, and all the people she helped to cloth, and the people at the Salvation Army that she was there for. And i will tell my children about her, and tell them that helping people, is what everybody should do. And, I'll tell them what Margaret always used to say - "Cold Hands, Warm Heart". And she'll be watching, and she'll be proud of me.

The Story of a "Not" Post

I was totally determinedly NOT going to do a post tonight. But then I remembered something from a Music School long long ago, and decided to look it up. Unfortunately I couldn't find it anywhere, but basically it was like a demonstration of how dark can not put out light, light will always prevail. If anyone has any clue what I am talking about please enlighten us all ;p
Anyway, it made me think. Whilst we were at Music School, we learned many things. And most of those were about finding another way. I always remember the duvet cover trick - in fact I bet along with me there are a whole host of adults out there putting their duvet covers on the "music school way". The duvet cover, it is hard to put on, you get tangled up, the more you try the harder it gets until you end up sat in a heap on the floor wondering what went wrong. Or, you could try turning the duvet cover inside out, putting your hands inside, gripping both corners of the duvet and shaking it over the top. Takes seconds.
Often, the only way to find the Bright Side is to turn things on their head, pull them inside out, and do the thing that you were most sure you couldn't. There is always another way, and quite often it's outside of the box.
So, here we are people, my outside of the box, totally random moment of the day:

I bobble-hatted it up!!! And, I put out there a photo of me that is not perfect and is not brilliant, but do you know what? It's not "that" bad, in fact I'd go as far as to say my eyes look quite nice. I also stroked soft things today............but that's all I'm going to say about that.................;p
Oh and by the way, tomorrow is "TOTALLY WOW WEDNESDAY". IF you love me, make it happen!!!