Plums From A Stranger

So, I have been very absent because we have been to DisneyLand Paris and we are moving house in TWO SLEEPS and I was ill. I am most likely going to continue being rather absent as we won't have an internet connection for a couple of weeks and I need to unpack the house and make it all lovely and "family home-ness".

Almost every night I have thought of things I could blog about, and many times I have almost picked up my phone and started writing, but stopped as I just needed sleep and I knew that if I started writing I wouldn't stop, and then as the days went by I just couldn't decide which thing to write about as so much as happened. I needed a break, and sleep. I had a virus last week which was, I think, a very mild stomach virus but my body decided that actually it was pretty tired and couldn't cope with a mild stomach virus very well so would just stop working for a couple of days and make me stay in bed. I was slightly ill Tuesday, woke up Wednesday morning feeling better, walked down the stairs and promptly passed out on the kitchen floor, giving myself a stupid burn/graze above my left eyebrow in the process. I was shipped back off to bed and the children were whisked away from me for most of the next couple of days, with the GP instructing me over the phone that bed rest and much fluids were needed so I did as I was told for once. At the weekend I ventured into Shipley with Toby and smiled at a lady at the bus stop because I had thought she was tucking into a chocolate bun then realised it was a plum and smiled at myself really for being daft. The lady then, bless her, decided that I needed her plums because I looked tired. I managed to persuade her I had lots of fruit at home (I didn't want to take the bag of plums she had just bought for herself?!) but she did insist I had one plum to eat on the way home because I had the little baby to feed and look after. I didn't tell her I had two more in case she changed her mind and tried to give me them all again! But it was a lovely gesture and the plum was very nice, and I find it refreshing when people are still just "generally nice" to each other these days, when there are so many reports in the news of negative events concerning friends and family let alone strangers. I don't want my children to be easily trusting of others, but I also don't want them to be automatically mistrustful, and scared to talk to anybody. Having a chat with a stranger at a bus stop can be an interesting 5 minutes, a break from a busy day, and can often give you another perspective on things. It is always good to have an open mind.

So, I apologise for not telling you all the interesting things that have happened this month and not sharing our amazing time in DisneyLand Paris yet. I'm sure I will get around to blogging about how Jessica's favourite spot was the Dragon's Lair and Adam's was all the caves and tunnels in Adventure Land, how amazing it was to see the looks on their faces when the light show came on and the concern Adam showed for his sister when she fell asleep just before it started and he thought she would miss it (she woke up as it started and stayed awake all the way through so no worries). One day I am bound to reminisce about Jessica having a fringe cut in her hair for the first time and, upon looking in the mirror, announcing seriously "Well I'll have to change my name now!" There was also Toby's first roll onto his side, his amazing little smiles and gurgles, the way he was a superstar on holiday despite not usually liking too many days out in a row, and his really ace new brand of cloth nappies that I absolutely love and want some more of. We have had many "made up off the top of my head to use up the contents of the kitchen" teas, all of which have been surprisingly successful and some that have made our "main go-to list" which will help with saving some money in the coming months. There will be further news of Adam's first foray into music with Cornet lessons, which apparently are going great, and he actually walked to school with a friend, with me very far behind (carrying a scooter, a Jessica, and pushing a pram with a Toby in it), and happily got there all by himself, so his confidence levels are having a surge it would seem.

But for now, I am signing off, because I have a really exciting few days ahead, with a real family home to be created and I want to focus on life, right now, as it happens. Sometimes I miss facebook and my friends on there, but the positive changes in my life I feel are worth it and I can't see myself going back anytime soon.

...and from Limbo we enter Chaos

So the last week has been rather crazy. We have been in limbo for a while now, waiting to move, waiting for Jessica's birthday, waiting for Cub Camp, waiting for Disneyland, and now suddenly they are all upon us.
Jessica had a fabulous birthday party, with much help from Julie, Rachel and my Mum. Toby happily played whilst it was all set up, wanted feeding 10 minutes before it started, sat with my Mum for the whole afternoon and wanted feeding just after it finished - perfect baby or what?? All of the children were lovely and it was a fun and thoroughly enjoyed by all afternoon. I can't post any pictures as they all have other people's children on, and I know for a fact that three of the children there can't have their pictures on the internet and wouldn't dream of putting the other children on without their parent's permission anyway. But I can share a picture of the Treasure Map Cake I did at the last minute when Jessica suddenly decided two days before her party that she would quite like one of those.

Not bad I don't think - Jessica loved it so that is all that matters :D
We had telescope making, dancing, Pirate Pete says, dancing, musical bumps, dancing, Guess where the X should go on the map, dancing, colouring sheets, dancing, pass the parcel, dancing, a crazy 5 minute "CANNONBALL FIGHT!!!" with plastic ball pool balls and side-turned tables complete with table-cloth covered legs for good old fashioned health & safety (rather than just banning it outright like all these politically correct people would have you do these days :P) and then a "WALK THE PLANK!!!" to the food tables with cannonball cheese crisps + grapes, cheese on swords, jelly boats and pirate topped buns amongst other yummy offerings. The party bags were given out simply containing chocolate coins, freaky fish, a "Pirate ............'s Room" colouring sheet (free printable online) and a sheet of pirate stickers, and many thankyous were said by all. It was a fantastic party to say that a good amount of the children were only just 3 or under and I was really impressed.

So now on to the next happening which is Cub Camp, Adam took all his bed kit tonight and made his bed roll, luckily I had remembered to sew his Diamond Jubilee badge onto his camp blanket so I am in the good books. The rest of his kit needs packing up tomorrow, fingers crossed James is picking up his new walking boots from the sorting office tomorrow and we have everything he needs. He comes back at lunchtime on Monday and we are setting off at lunchtime on Tuesday so a quick laundry turn-around, possibly borrowing Nana's dryer, may be needed on Monday afternoon!! Although if he is the same as he was on Big Camp last year he will come home with a bag full of clean clothes, wearing his thermals and the same set of clothes he went in because "you have to get up early for breakfast and it was too cold to keep getting changed". So, uhm, a bath/shower at Nana's may be needed Monday afternoon actually, if we have to be all sat in the same car for hours on Tuesday afternoon.......

Talking not-so-good odours, we have car sickness tablets and sea-bands for Jessica to try out, and I am just about to search google for trips on what to pack for kids with a tendency to throw up on car journeys. Wish us luck!! I am also creating some travel activity bags for the kids, using and adapting some fab activity ideas I have found on pinterest. I got 2 velcro pads with attached ball (put away for future use) for only £1.69 today and created a figure play set each, and with amazing timing my Aunty got Jessica some magnets with a two-sided magnetic play scene so we have taken all of her magnets off the fridge and created another activity set for her.

Adam will no doubt be enacting a mini World War II, whilst Jessica can continue her bizarre obsession with Cut the Rope figurines.

Forever Friends set, with added Peppa Pig, Dora and Barney magnets, the other side is a garden party scene.

I have bought some dry eraser 'crayons' by Crayola that need no caps, some lollipop sticks, and will be working on a few ideas I have up my sleeve over the next few days.

So we are food listing, packing listing and car journey listing tonight, with a good sprinkling of tidying and getting everything ready for the morning so I can hopefully repeat last Thursday's success in getting all three children out of the house and Adam at school on time. Then in the afternoon it is time for new Jessica car seat shopping, looking for something that is relatively simple to clean in the likely event of it being covered in sick, oh joy. We will be mostly shopping and packing over the next few days, ready for our exciting trip to Disneyland Paris yippee!!! Then when we get back, only 2 weeks until move date so the packing can begin in earnest, double yippee!!

I am feeling a lot more positive, although having many meltdowns in the midst of all this as this house is just far too crowded and small things become big things in that kind of situation for all of us, except Toby who remains happy and chilled regardless, bless his little soul. I am sure, somehow, he has been sent to restore peace to our little family unit. He is definitely here for a reason.

Born to be Wild............

So my current 'project' (or most important of many) is to have a more positive relationship with my intensely brilliant and fireball of a daughter. I love her to pieces and she loves me intensely, but we seem to be constantly interlocked in battle. She has a very strong personality, which will stand her in good stead as she gets older I'm sure, but right now it means that every day consists of challenges for me to overcome even down to the daily events of dressing, breakfast, walking down the stairs.........
She needs a lot of input, a lot to keep her busy. Sometimes I run out of ideas and get so stressed trying to think of stuff to occupy her and keep her from bugging Adam (who also needs to learn more patience) and look after Toby at the same time. Adam is happy spending time with James but I don't want him to feel left out. Jessica wants pure undiluted constant MUMMY. Toby is amazingly chilled but only I can feed him and I don't want to not spend any time with him whilst he's so little and establishing bonds and relationships. Luckily Jessica loves him to pieces as does Adam xx.
So, I bought a new piece of battle armour the other day. 'The Preschooler's Busy Book'. I have the Toddlers version and love it but she has outgrown it. It came last week and looks great :-)
So far we have tried 'Cleaning Coins' and 'Paper Doll Chain', both with great success. I am hoping this will help us spend some quality time together, keep her busy when I need to be with Toby, and in general help us have a happier relationship. Fingers crossed xx.

I am pinning a lot on us moving, giving both older children a bit of their own space, and instilling some new rules and routines including new night lights, alarm clocks, less toys in bedrooms and BATH TIME!! Today we went to the park with friends and had a fab time, but the walk/scooter home was a bit much for Jessica and by the time we got home she was so tired that life itself became a battle. Being able to come home from that kind of sticky, hot, dusty day and plonk her into a bath is something I am massively looking forward to. I am sure we will still have many tantrums but hopefully some can be avoided. I am off now to organise my "Crazy Can", "Messy Can" and "Mummy Time Can" activities from the Busy Book and Pinterest and trying to feel a bit less stumped when something, ANYTHING, is needed to be introduced to prevent chaos ruling.

The perils of a countdown.

Recently I am struggling immensely. My to do list is never ending, my house is bulging at the seams (the man keeps selling things but then buying more with the money?!), and I have been waiting for a move date since November to a bigger house due to the owner being messed about by people he was buying from. So now, we finally have a definite secure date to move, at the end of May. I thought this would make me feel better, that everytime I got annoyed at stubbing my toe on an airer, or falling over 5 things in a row, or having to move the entire kitchen around to be able to sit for a family meal, or Jessica literally climbing the walls, that I could think "Only ... weeks". And I'm doing that, but it's not working. Because oh my goodness it's like the last pregnancy trimester, the clock seems to have stopped and wow is it dragging! Every little thing in this house turns into a big thing, the children are stressed, James and I are stressed, there are so many daily arguments and I am just hoping we make it to the new house intact.
I feel like packing would make me feel better, but we have no space to pack or place to put anything that we pack. We already have a ton of stuff boxed up at my parents that we could live without for a month or two. It's now been 4-5 months and the children want their stuff back. The plus side of that being that when we move they will have shedloads of 'new' stuff to play with whilst we unpack :-) Although Toby is growing out of his carrycot already so I may need to fish out the new pushchair that "We definitely won't need until way after we move so it can just go straight to my parents in the box" hahahahahaha.
Of course, have to look for the plus sides ;-) And we are amazingly lucky to have found somewhere local and spacious and within budget. But seriously, please give me strength, leeway, whatever for the next 8 weeks, I may seem grumpy and as up and down as a hyper 3 year old, but I promise things will improve soon. This year will be a good year, many unforeseen events have turned into positive future opportunities, and after all, it is Only 8 Weeks!!!
Jessica displaying crazy Mummy's feelings surprisingly accurately.....

It's only a few months until February....................

It appears that there is only so much information a head can hold until it starts to revolt. I think my head is starting to get a bit full.

I know that in a few months, everything will be fine and settled or at least on it's way to being, but sometimes knowing that isn't enough to get you through without a little bit of stress on the way. And it annoys me when if I talk about being stressed or needing a rest, I get comments about how having a third baby will be harder and he will be with me all the time and I shouldn't have planned to have him if I couldn't cope, blah blah blah.

For one thing, who said I couldn't cope?? Needing to vent, a hug, chocolate, some sleep, time to eat, somewhere to offload, that doesn't mean you are not coping, it just means you are ensuring that you CAN cope. I can cope, my children are fed, James and I am mostly fed, we have clean clothes (albeit often from the laundry basket rather than the drawers), all of the bills are paid and on time, the children get to school on time and with all letters signed and money sent and according to the teachers are delightful and happy, and sometimes I can even see the living room floor!!

Plus it's not about having a third child. It's about having everything happen at once, regardless of any other commitments you might have. If you thought about what could or might happen and what you could cope with and should do and commit to in case various scenarios happened, you would remain locked in your childhood bedroom in your parents house I would imagine. Right now, I often feel that I just don't have the time to be pregnant, and that this pregnancy is surplus to requirements in this current situation. I hasten to add that it is not surplus to requirements in my feelings or James or the children or anybody else. I simply mean that everything is ever so busy that to be honest this pregnancy has passed in a blur and I have somehow reached 31 weeks without even realising (possibly because I miscalculated and did think I was a week behind this......), and that there is so much going on right now in my family that I forget I am pregnant half the time, never mind everybody else.

I haven't a clue when we are moving house. We know we have a house to move to, which is something to be grateful for as so many people are struggling to find somewhere affordable that meets their needs right now, so I know I am lucky in that respect. We know it is most likely some time in the next 2-3 months, and that we can start packing things we don't use often and store them at my parents. Which, on the surface, is great, lots of time to prepare and save up and get organised, right?

The fact that those 2-3 months also include Christmas, the current lease renewal date, and the baby's due date are a slight issue. The fact that my Dad would usually help us move house and is due in for an operation in the next 2-3 months is also an issue. And that my Nana is in a rehab home and my Mum and Aunties are spending the majority of their time either visiting her to make sure she is looked after properly (because she isn't being), or trying to figure out where she will go when she comes out, is another slight issue in this plan. Add to this scenario that my 3 week old niece has just been diagnosed with CF meaning my sister is rather overloaded with information and tired, and that I have to go for pointless genetic counselling (pointless since I have already talked it over with my sister and James and my GP and am not dumb and the NHS is supposed to be short of money) in order to be able to be tested to see if I am a carrier. And that Adam would quite like to meet his biological dad soon please, if you don't mind, just to make sure he's not dead because somebody at school said he might be dead, and that would be sad if he didn't meet him before he died. Oh and then there is the news that my little brother is due home in a couple of weeks, great news and Adam is ecstatic, but means another heap of emotions in my head and another things currently being sorted out and paper-worked and planned by the family. So yes, it's kind of a busy 2-3 months. And I'm kind of tired. And I'm tired of people telling me that I'm tired and doing too much and they're worried I'm not coping.......................but not actually doing anything to help, and instead making it sound like it is all my own fault, when actually no, I wasn't aware that this was all going to happen when I got pregnant and even if I was single with no children I would imagine it would've all been a bit stressful and busy anyway.

The general gist of this is, don't ask somebody if they are ok if you don't want to know the answer, or if when they do tell you they are tired you are simply going to start telling them how tired you are yourself or how tired everybody they know is. And that it's probably not a good idea to decide to get pregnant when everything seems to be quiet because it will probably all explode shortly afterwards and you'll just mostly end up forgetting you are pregnant. And that just because somebody needs to vent and is tired, doesn't mean they can't cope or that they have too many children, it just means that too many things are happening and they need to let some of it out of their head, and if they didn't then THAT would mean they weren't coping, because it is BAD for your health to keep it all inside and not vent and THAT is when you stop looking after yourself and your children and not coping.

I am not complaining, just in case anybody gets the wrong idea. Ever since I was little, I have loved that my family is big and it is messy and it is often quite like a soap opera. Because it means that there is always somebody there, and always some comedy storyline behind the main tragic and stressful ones. It means that Christmas is busy and fun and that there is always somebody somewhere who can pick the children up from school if you pass out on a bus. It means I have lived in houses with not much heating and thick jumpers and moved from bedroom to bedroom as people moved out and moved in, and I truly appreciate being able to let the children buy chocolate on the way home from school, but still want them to know that playing at the park is cheaper and healthier than constantly buying new xbox games. It means that there is always somebody else taking the limelight or the attention so you can just quietly get on with your own life without feeling like you need to please everybody. And one day, I am looking forward to having my children and grandchildren around keeping me busy and needing money and help with childcare and advice on how to deal with mixed up 9 year olds and wild 3 year olds. Because in my family, somebody, somewhere, will have been through it and know what they are talking about, and that is always a useful resource. But that doesn't mean that everything is roses and I don't need a bit of a rest, or that they don't.

Just give people a break. You don't know everything about a person, remember that. Half the time they don't  even know everything about themselves.

And because life is crazy, and this is totally irrelevant to this entire blog post, this is the song that is in my head right now. I guess because it is fun and like a bit of a whirlwind and to be honest doesn't make any sense at all the lyrics are pretty much a jumble of whatever they fancied saying, like life and my family, you have to just go with it and get on with it because what else is there for any of us to do.

A Flower Can't Be Beautiful Without A Little Rain

I have come to the decision, that I am actually quite please about moving house. It has come at a good time. The house I am in now, was perfect at the time. But it's like I have been in hibernation, a cocoon, and now it is time to step out. I needed somewhere to recover, rebuild, and start over. But now it's time to truly start over, and my new house is perfect for that. It is still near enough my mum's and school so as to keep my life uncomplicated. But it is also nearer many of my friends, or at least on an easier route of access. It is on the same street as Adam's best friend. It is next to a great park and nearer to the canal and Roberts Park, for more chilled out summer days. I can wander into Saltaire on the weekends and pick up my shopping, and have a potter around the shops. Those are my kind of shops, small and interesting and personal. The house, is more my kind of house. The room is cosy and snug, and the kitchen is big enough for a decent size family table for us to eat, and make, and work, and basically live on! The garden is an exploring garden, yet still secure and with flat areas for seating and play. The landlord seems to be lovely and actually gets things done. I am getting quite excited, it's a whole new way of life and is totally fitting for the place my life is at right now.
It is important, to look at things in a positive light. I was devastated about moving at first, but now I can see that it is actually opening up many new doors and opportunities. I have always wanted Adam to have somebody he could run out the door and go play with, and now he has. I have always wanted to be able to have a decent size kitchen with space for a proper table, and now I have. I have always wanted to be near somewhere with interesting and useful little shops and nice cafes, and now I will be.
These past few weeks have been a struggle that I had to get through, and now I feel ready and able to truly move on. I know what true happiness really is. It is being loved and accepted for who you really are. And I am at my new job, I am at the Salvation Army, I am by my lovely supportive friends who live local, I am by my lovely supportive BC friends who are spread far and wide, I am by my family, and I am especially by James. Right now, I am living my real life, the life of me, Dawn Martin. It is not all sweetness and light, there are dark patches and many grey times. But it is real and true and that is what matters.

"I could sing you a tune and promise you the moon, but if that's what it takes to hold you then I'd just as soon as let you go" - Love me for me, or don't even bother.

This song, is real. Life is not always that great, and I am not one of those people who can be all sunny and light all the time, and find the bright side in everything. I try, but sometimes I think it's inappropriate to find a bright side. Sometimes there isn't a bright side. And sometimes those people can be kind of irritating, they make you feel rubbish for not always being so happy and jolly about everything. A good quote going around facebook is "You should never apologise for how you feel, it's like saying sorry for being real".
But, if you accept me for who I am, then yes, we can enjoy the good times when they happen, and make the bad times bearable and struggle through them together. Life is never going to be all rose gardens and sugar sprinkles, but it's the only life we get, and sitting around complaining about the hand we've been dealt is never going to change anything.
Being yourself and being completely honest and pretty much baring your soul is pretty scary. But it sure as anything feels good to know that somebody knows every single little thing about you and is still around. It's a scary thing to do and it can mean some friendships don't make it. But the ones that do, they are real, and when you feel so incredibly secure in your friendships and your relationships, that, is when you can be really happy with your life, whatever it throws at you next.

And these, are my two little superheroes, defending their right to be eccentric little character-full people x.

Sometimes it's Clever to Change Your Mind

Sometimes, if you back out of things, people think you are being cowardly, not stepping up, and generally it is classed as a negative thing to do. But recently, I have been rethinking this. Surely, it is braver to say "hey, that wasn't a good idea after all", and change your mind, than to stupidly go ahead with it anyway despite your doubts, just because you don't want to lose face.
I must confess I have had a rather tough couple of weeks. But I know the cause, and I'm working on the solutions, and I just have to hang in there. I have lots of great support from family and friends and my boyfriend (which still, even now, is weird to say as it just sounds so, well, teenagerish lol!!). Fingers crossed moving in two weeks will help quite a lot. Wow, two weeks, I've only packed up my bedroom. Hmmm. Anybody free to shift boxes on Thursday 3rd June is most welcome lol!!
I have been absent from here, and slightly from facebook, and even more so from texting and phoning people recently. I have been going inside myself rather a lot, hiding from public view, trying to figure things out. It isn't really a good idea and doesn't tend to work as I am more of a people person and need to feel busy and happy to be motivated. But still, I insist on doing it every time I feel like this. Not very clever, again, an instance where changing direction would be the better thing to do. I think, I need to reach out a bit more. Hmmmm, I have an idea, ooohh project alert :D If I have your address, watch out ;)
Tonight, all I need to do is wash up, pack bags + lunches for tomorrow, have a shower, and go to bed. I can't seem to do any of that, but I know that if I don't tomorrow morning will be ten times harder than it will be if I do. And I am buoyed by the fact that I have excellent yet calm plans for this weekend (well, from Thursday onwards in fact), involving James Coleman, Deborah Manktelow, and all day Saturday at home to relax and do some packing. So really I just have to do those jobs tonight and all will be well. I WILL do them, I CAN do them, and that is a fact.
So, on the subject of backing out of things, I think I am going to not go to Kendal Calling in July. I love the idea, but I think that next year may be a better time to go. When Jessica will be 3 and slightly less tantrum-headed, when I may be able to find somebody else to go with, and when we've had some more practical experiences of camping. Strictly speaking, my yearly goal states "Go see live music". It doesn't mention festivals. And even though I would love to take the children to a festival, there is always next year, they may be growing up too fast for my liking but they're not going anywhere "just" yet lol!
So I'm going to look into the idea of maybe a couple of days camping in the summer, and maybe going to a theme park with them or something, I don't really know, I have quite a lot of freedom to figure these things out so I'm sure something will come up. And I think it's the right decision, really. And I think that it also helps pay for the Blackberry that I just bought to replace the cheap Nokia that I just dropped in the bath :p

Everything in Moderation.......

I am absolutely shattered. This week has been incredibly long and busy. And tonight I am slightly worried, I know I am tired and liable to get slightly stressed tomorrow and I'd really like to have a good time tomorrow with the children. So I am going back to my fail-safe way of dealing with these things. Planning. I am going to make plans for tomorrow so that it will all be ok. Usually, I like to just relax with the kids at the weekend, go with the flow etc. But this week has not been usual, and I don't want to end up feeling rubbish. So I am going to plan the day within an inch of my life, and I know it will work. And also, that if everything goes ok, I will feel on top of the world tomorrow night, at having got through a tricky time. So, I am going to go dig out my Toddler Busy Book for some good ideas (Adam will enjoy doing things with his sister or I can extend them for him).
So far, plans are:
Breakfast
Bath
And then, not 100% but will possibly involve playdough, traintrack building, marble run building, baking biscuits, and/or a couple of activities from the Busy Book. Fingers crossed. I have just realised that I've packed the Busy Book so will have to undo that box, but be right. And then, when I've done all that, I will send them off to the Dad's, knowing I did my best, and will spend the rest of my weekend relaxing and being looked after and getting back on an even keel.
Sometimes it's ok to use previous behaviours to help stay on the right path. It won't make me be a control freak, it will just help me get back on track, as a temporary solution it's fine. The next few weeks is going to be kind of tough, with moving etc, so I think it's a good idea to have a plan to help me keep in control, and then try and relax and get back to normal afterwards when we're settled once again in the house. It's ok to be more laid-back etc, but things are kind of hectic and messy at the moment, and I think a bit of planning and listmaking is needed for a bit just to keep things working out.
See you on the other side folks!!

"I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above....."

I have just seen this poster in a magazine. And it sums up what I have been trying to do these past few months. I want it for my new house, I am definitely ordering it as soon as I move in :)

"LIFE ISN'T
ABOUT
WAITING
FOR THE
STORM TO
PASS IT IS
ABOUT
LEARNING
TO DANCE
IN THE RAIN"

Last night I was tired so I went to bed. Meaning I woke up to a complete shambles of a house and no pack lunches made etc. Luckily the children slept in so I made them then got them up, dressed and straight out the door - Nana's for breakfast this morning. Last night I couldn't seem to get myself into gear. I thought that I would regret that today. But instead, I woke up in an optimistic "start-over" style mood. This evening, I have cleaned all the kitchen and done 3 lots of washing up. Made tea for me and the kids. Cleaned the living room, sorted out washing to send to their Dad's and my Mum's, and put all the clean laundry away. Cleaned all my bedroom, packed everything that I won't need before I move, sorted everything out I'm getting rid of, taken photos of things I can possibly sell, bagged up everything for charity, and vacuumed the carpet. I am pretty awesome, really.
I've rung the estate agent and confirmed my sign-up/move date, and found out the totally great news that workmen are in all this week sorting every single little problem out. I've made a list of house-moving things to do and sort, and done some already, and to be honest don't majorly feel that stressed, which is weird but there we go!! Although could do with boxes, if anyone has any going spare!!
I've also found a totally awesome wagon for the festival, and some ultra-cool ear defenders, so that is also on target :D
Jessica was ill this weekend, we had to take her to a&e Sunday morning at 6am. Bad timing, wouldn't recommend it, they're wading through all the paperwork from the Saturday night idiots. But anyway, it was ok, apart from being stood behind a bloke who'd had a sore throat for 4 weeks. And I caught the signs early enough that she is getting better already, rather than being in hospital for a week like she was last time. So as much as October was pretty tough, obviously something very important was learned and made use of.
Sometimes things are pretty tough, and somebody standing there saying "you've just got to make the best of it", makes you want to smack them over the head with a frying pan. But, when you calm down, it's kinda true. If you truly live through whatever is going on, not just exist and hope it passes, but truly live and experience it, then you do become a stronger and richer person, and life will never be able to make you feel that hopeless ever again. Take back your power and control over your life, don't let it control you. I'm not happier because I've changed who I am. I'm happier because I'm being who I am. And when you take control of a really rubbish situation, or moment, the feeling of achievement is ten thousand times higher than when you do it from an easy starting position. I would definitely recommend trying it.

The May List

10 You Only Live Once Things To Do In May

1. See a man about a dog
2. Wink at someone of the opposite sex
3. Get on TV (but not for winking at someone of the opposite sex)
4. Arm wrestle* (*I recommend someone weaker)
5. Go for it
6. Lie still, close your eyes & listen to the birds in the morning
7. Gambol in grass clippings
8. Feel the sun on your face* (*& other bodily bits)
9. Thinking about somebody else first
10. Be lovely

and

11. Pack all your house up!!!!

"You Just Call, Out My Name...."

We often take friends for granted. But just the smallest thing, can let people know we value them. Reminding them of a fond memory, a photo, sending a "surprise hug" text, remembering they had an appointment that morning. I have a lot of friends. I love them all, in different ways. And in the past few months, have found out, often surprisingly, who I can lean on with no strings attached. I can't mention people by name, because I tried, and there are too many, and I don't want to miss anybody out.
Memories are an amazing thing, they bolster us through the toughest times. Sitting here, I can see a sleeve of my upper school jumper sticking out of my memory box. And I can remember all the stuff wrote on there, and those mad last days with everybody running around with pens. I can see my photo board with random friend pictures on, quite a few from Christmas Eves in the Ring O Bells, a couple from Sam's birthdays in London, one from Morecambe, one from Bingley, and lots of empty spaces waiting to be filled. In my memory boxes, are photos of random parties at my flat, all blurring into one event although from the clothes there were at least 2 and I'm pretty sure there were others. Random words bring up random memories. Wands and tiaras and pink cowboy hats from hen parties long gone (marriages still intact too :D), and notebooks full of scribbles.
When I move into my new house, I really am going to sort all those boxes out, and make a memory book (and box for the larger things), that I can flick through on those days when I need a boost. And when we're having a girly wine night in. And when I'm old and decrepit and my children say "mum, you don't have a clue what it's LIKE to be me" I can show them it too.
I think, I might need some help from friends in the next couple of months. Moving house again is quite possibly not what I needed right now. But, I know, from last time, that if I ring people and ask, they will really come and really help. And if anybody needs anybody help from me, they know where to come, this door is always open. I don't know if it's being from a big family, or from being brought up by all the different people in the Salvation Army, or from being looked after by all different people in the school holidays whilst my parents worked, or just from human nature. But whatever it is, I'm at my happiest and best when surrounded by my friends. Hopefully this Sunday will be a good weather day, and my house and garden will be full of the people that I love being with, and we can all have smiles on our faces :)

The Day Of Adventures.....

Today, I have crammed a years worth of adventures and mishaps into the short space of approximately 12 hours :D
And at one point, I was drowning in it all, but then I thought what, what am I doing?? Who else is going to sort all this out?? And as my lovely Louise Atkin said, this is what I am good at :D
So, I looked on google for ultimate feelgood songs, picked "Don't stop believing" by Journey (NOT the glee version, bleurgh sick-making), and danced in the kitchen whilst swinging on the worktops. And now I feel so much better ;)
I got up early this morning, took delivery of my new table and chairs for the garden (which now I need to find a new garden for......), then took delivery of my fruit + veg box, then took delivery of 4 giant children's maps - one of the world, one animals of the world, one of the solar system, and one of the ancient world. They are pretty awesome, but not putting them up now until we move. Then I took delivery of some bunting for Jessica's birthday party. Which is now also a house LEAVING party rather than house warming lol.
I ran around tidying my house for my volunteering mentor coming this aft, put Jessica back to bed because she was tired, then sent Adam with his friends mum to her house. Ran around did some more tidying, fought with some wasps for access to my washing line (and won, obviously), and built my table and chairs up. Questioning why bloody TESCO have to put 2 sticky labels on every chair that refuse to come off properly. Huh. Then I made Jessica's lunch, grabbed the Hello Kitty shorts that stupid H+M forgot to take the tag from, and speed-walked to Saltaire in 20 mins because my watch had stopped and I didn't realise so I only had 20 minutes to get there in. Looked around the house, phoned the estate agent to see what they were fixing, phoned my mum, and walked up to my old work to give Natalie Bithell the Hello Kitty shorts to get sorted at H+M for me cos she's lovely like that. Said hello to the gerbils at the nursery and got read a book about gerbils by two 4 yr olds who surprisingly remembered me, then took Jessica for a little walk around and had a nosey at the awesome new play area outside. Walked all the way back home, just in time to unlock the door before my volunteer mentor came. Had a chat and a drink and did paperwork, then gave Jessica a banana smoothie icelolly which apparently burnt her hand because she refused to hold it by the stick. Stood holding the lolly by the stick whilst Jessica sucked it, then gave her an ultimatum - hold it or lose it, and she decided to hold it herself. Went on the laptop and did a good/bad list about the house I'd viewed, then welcomed Adam back home from his friends. Tried to make tea, whilst Jessica sat on the side and 'helped', only to find out halfway through that the oven had broke, so instead of tuna fish pie with veg we had cheesy tuna mash with veg. Apparently it was the best tea Adam's had in ages, hey, who needs an oven??? Then I rung my sister for her opinion on what to do about moving house, then I changed Jessica's nappy 3 times in half an hour because she thought that would be a fun thing for me to do, and then everything exploded around me as the children ran around generally causing chaos and the oven timer bell kept ringing and my phone kept beeping with messages and the tv was playing some star wars thing and Adam was singing about "Dancing onto the floor all night oh yeah" and I was trying to decide where to live and how to fix the oven and what I need to buy and do for Jessica's birthday party, and when I could move house, and Adam was shouting "Mum she's pooed again!" and Jessica was laughing and stripping off, so I thought EVERYBODY STOP!!!!!!
And I took Jessica upstairs, put her pjs on, and put her to bed. Then I came downstairs, shut myself in the kitchen (Adam was happily watching Generator Rex, this was not neglect), and this is when I found myself playing "Don't Stop Believing" at top blast, and generally just deciding that actually, everything is going to be fine. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE.
Because I said so. So there. And I text James Coleman and told him that everything was going to be fine, because I had decided it was so. Because I needed to share this decision. And he agreed with me, which was nice of him. And then, then I rang my mum and told her I am going to take the house tomorrow if it's still available. And when I asked what they were doing, my dad said "relaxing, that's what you do after a hard days work", and I, inwardly, laughed. Because, my dad is pretty much retired and only does a days work every now and again. And HAVE YOU SEEN how much I've DONE today?????? My mum laughed at him too, haha. And no, I'm not relaxing. I have too much to do. But, it's ok, because everything is going to be fine. What's the point of it not being?
Ah, and breath................................

"I come in peace...."

So, obviously, as I practically live on facebook when I am stressed, most people will know that I have to move house. And really, I should be grateful that I got 11 weeks notice. They could've just given me one month's notice. And they do seem very eager for me to get the house tomorrow, so hopefully the owner will like me. Fingers crossed.
I knew something would go wrong soon. Things were going far too well, tempting fate and all that. And you know, they do say sometimes that doors close so that other doors can open. The house we're going to look at tomorrow is on the same street as Adam's best friend at school, so that will give him somebody to play with, and it is also only around the corner from where Adam goes to Beavers/Cubs so that might also have some potential for an easier life. Got to look on the bright side and all that!
Sometimes it's kind of tiring, looking on the bright side and being strong all the time. I will sadly confess that I did slightly snap at somebody for saying I was strong today. But I apologised, because they are the last person in the world I want to fall out with right now, and they were being nice, it was just me being rubbish. Sometimes, I just get a bit fed up of always handling everything and being capable and knowing how to do everything and always working things out and being strong and dealing with things. Sometimes, I just wish somebody would come knock on my door, give me a hug, clean up my kitchen, make me coffee and cake, and tell me everything will be fine. I tripped over Buzz Lightyear just now, he said "I come in peace", and I thought, I wish..............