My Favourite Time of the Year

Well!
I don't really know why I gave up writing. I think, I was at a stage where the original purpose of this blog had finished, I was happy with myself again and had lots of reasons to, just simply, be alive. I was at a crossroads where I had to decide whether to stop writing or to change, develop, evolve. People were telling me I had lots to give, stories and tips to share, cooking advice (I make everything up as I go along), cleaning tips (I blag it), child-raising tips (see cooking advice)...........and I felt under pressure to organise my blog with meta tags, categories, etc. So I decided that I was giving too much of myself away, and ignoring my own advice to other people, which is to always prioritise your home life first. So I quit.

Looking back, it was the right thing at the time but now I miss it. I don't think I would be giving too much of myself away, I think rather I need to not try to make it perfect. Not organise it with meta tags and filters and categories unless I feel like it (first I would have to learn how to actually use them anyway.........). And make no apologies for that. So I'm back. But I'm not promising regular posts and I'm not promising structure. I'm not promising that every post will be useful, and many may be self-indulgent ramblings like this one. But I do promise that I shall be writing with honesty, and in my own style. And what more can anyone offer.

So, today. Today is October!! I do love this time of year. It is a funny time, between about now and February, they are my favourite four months. Yet they are also bitter-sweet and hold none of my children's birthday, family holidays, beach trips, long school holidays, garden days or any of the other things that I enjoy during the rest of the year. So why are they my favourite? I guess there are many reasons. And this may be a re-occurring theme of my blog for a few months, as there is no chance I can fit them all in this one.

It's the time of year when you can focus inwards on your family without feeling you are being rude. The nights are longer and start earlier, the weather can be unsociable, and everybody is either saving for Christmas or paying it off. More of the events organised are family ones, and you don't need to de-fuzz, tan, or wear skimpy unflattering clothes to attend!

This, however, is what also makes it bitter-sweet. Many special memories from the past are hidden in these few months, not just for me but for other people too. It can bring on a feeling of nostalgia, and it is important to remember what you have NOW, as well as remember what you had then, to avoid getting lost in the feelings. There is no need to forget treasured memories, indeed it is part of who we are and should never be lost. But it is important to remember not to dwell. I believe there is a line in Harry Potter that sums it up well, when Harry has spent much time looking in the Mirror of Erised and Dumbledore says to him

"It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live, remember that"

We are all guilty of this at times. This is part of the reason I am starting to write again, I myself have realised that recently I am constantly saying "When we move...........when the baby comes..........after my sister's wedding....................after our wedding.................when Adam finishes primary school.........when Jessica starts sleeping.............", as if these events are necessary before we can just "live" our lives. When actually, we are living them now. I am often guilty of not living in the present. I reminisce about the past, and I plan (somewhat excessively!) for the future. If I don't put a stop to this now, I can guarantee that when all of the above life events have happened I will simply find more to fill that gap. I have recently taken up knitting. When I knit, I sit and I knit something that is going to be used now, in the present. I am also working on a blanket for the baby, that will be used not that far in the future. I think this is helping me re-focus on what is happening now and enjoy the life I have.

 And there are new memories in these 4 months to remember, and indeed still to have. I met James in February 2011, which seems crazy to me as that was only last year and I feel I have known him forever. When we actually properly "got it together" is rather vague and I couldn't pin it down to one day, so I choose to remember the night we met instead, even though nothing at all happened between us and I left that night not even dreaming that I had just met the man I was going to marry. Although he did leave a good impression having waited outside with me for my taxi and offered me his jacket to keep warm. Here is a picture from that night, and with hindsight, I like it. Apparently, according to Roj, it was pretty obvious he liked me as he tidied all his room a couple of weeks later for me coming for tea, which anybody who knows James will know is rather rare ;) 

I still find it crazy to think that this was only last year.

Of course, one more memory to be made, in that vague "he's not coming til after Christmas" time that Jessica classes it as, is that the baby is due in January. As of next Thursday I will be 6 months pregnant, which has gone rather fast (and, as all mothers will know, now slows down to the speed of a snail for the last 3 months). The children are both rather excited, Jessica has developed a positively lovely interest in all babies and toddlers and is even happily giving her things away to them, and Adam is just busy telling everybody that "it's ok, we are having a boy, I LOVE Jessica but I don't think we could have survived another one of her.........", and I gently have to remind him that there is no guarantee what the baby's personality will be like. Bless, he is under the illusion that he was and is a perfect child. But, of course, in many ways his illusion is correct, as both of my children are perfect..........for themselves. As are we all.

This is a great song. When I listen I remember many many times. Some good, some sad, but all are important times of my life that have made me "me", and now it is time to have some more.

This one's for you..................

This is another funny one. A good time to be ill? The children timed it perfectly with their chickenpox, after I'd finished work, after the Christmas festivities, and whilst they had lots of new toys to play with whilst stuck at home. The weather was rubbish and despite the itching and lack of sleep it was nice to have some family "time-in". Now, it appears I am ill, and it is also a good time. I suddenly developed a bone-aching cough at around midnight last night (or this morning, depending on your take on the matter), and didn't get back to sleep until after 5am. I didn't even doze as I sat on the computer playing Japanese number puzzles to try and take my mind off the fact I was unable to even breath without it being followed by a bone-aching coughing fit. My shoulders, arms and wrists ache every time I get one of these coughs, I'm not really sure on the reason but just put it down to my weak wrists and imagine I will most likely get arthritis of some description when I'm older. Ah well, there are worse things in life, or so I'm told anyway :P

But it is a good time for this. This week I have really kept up with my own personal take on the FlyLady routines, and my house is gorgeously clean and homely, a lovely place to curl up and watch TV in whilst I get better. I couldn't really have timed it better. I do have the children back at 5.30pm, but I also have James coming over after work and to stay all Sunday too, so all will be good. Have been offered a lift to the Army on Sunday morning as well, so feeling very settled right now. Things appear to be falling into place rather well. I guess, when you take the bull by the horns and decide it is the right time, then the right time comes along. 

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to uproot

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time to build

A time to weep and a time to laugh

A time to mourn and a time to dance

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time to refrain

A time to search and a time to give up,

A time to keep and a time to throw away

A time to tear and a time to mend,

A time to be silent and a time to speak

A time to love and a time to hate,

A time for war and a time for peace.

I'm not feeling overly great, and appear to have completely forgotten how to move photos from my blackberry to here. I will ask James to re-teach me, and will be back very soon with pics from this new time in my family - of leaf piles, buns, nail varnish and the re-emergence of Adam's World War II obsession :D

I'll leave you with this.......................it's stuck in my head, and it's not really aimed at a particular person, I think rather just the whole of my life and the people and places in it right now..........................I chose this version more because the video is more "me" than the Elton John one, usually I would go for the original but the images in this sum up much of what are really the best times in life.....................just to be.

"These Are The Days So Wake Up 'Cos This Is The Time...."

"......And You Know I'm Right"






And so it begins, a new phase of time. Now, I must make a point, that I am not one of those annoying "New Year, New Me" types, who make loads of resolutions and then breaks them in a week.  I don't really do resolutions. For me, this is a new phase because I have stopped working and am staying at home, because I am approaching the "met a year ago" mark with James, and it just so happens that this coincides with a new year. If it was May, it would still be a new phase of time for me.

So, I have shifted my List of the Year around a bit. Deleted some things that I'd either achieved or have realised are no longer important. Have edited some things that I want to change the focus of. Have added some new things that I'd like to try and work on. You may notice a subtle shift in priorities, towards a mellower, more  chilled out existence, focused on home life and the smaller more important things in life, such as crafting and gardening and playing and reading and just basically enjoying life, unrefined basic life, with all the fancy bits stripped away.

It's going to be rather an exciting fun year. There's a couple of weddings, probably more to be planned for 2013/4 with the recent engagements that have been announced, lots of babies to be born to some really lovely Mummy's, and a few other plans afoot to make it a year to look forward, a year of change, but positive gentle natural moving forward change, rather than forceful take the wind out of your sails change. I am rather organised, having bought Jessica's birthday presents in a rather amazing sale, and have actually managed to find a decent hiding place for them :O


It's all looking good, and going well, for some reason I feel rather quiet, rather thinkative, I don't think I'm feeling foreboding, I'm genuinely happy and positive about the near (and far) future. Maybe it's just because I can be quiet, I have time to be quiet, without too many thoughts of work and study and childcare arrangements crowding in on the already busy thoughts of children and family and house and bills and school and friends and life in general. After only one week of not being at work, I really am not sure how I managed to fit it in. Of course, this could have something to do with both children waking up with chicken pox on New Years Day. Picture the scene, getting Jessica dressed, lift up her tshirt and "Oh." Shout up the stairs "James, Jessica has chicken pox again!". Mention on facebook that Jessica has chicken pox again. Five minutes later, Adam says he has a spot on his stomach. Lift up his pj top to reveal a back covered in spots. Shout up the stairs "James, Adam has chicken pox too.......again.........this is the THIRD time!!". James decides he'd best get out of bed at this point....................Mention on facebook that Adam now also has chicken pox. Have a comment that only my children could get chicken pox more than once or twice :P
So. A week stuck in the house. An extended school holiday for Adam. But strangely, it was fine. I wouldn't exactly say I was glad they had chicken pox or enjoyed them being ill, but what I did actually quite like was that I managed it well, I didn't have to worry about being off work or losing money, I didn't have to feel guilty about leaving them with other people, and my frame of mind in general just got on with it and it was fine, even the sleepless nights were dealt with without too much stress.

So, bizarrely, a severe bout of chicken pox has actually made this new phase of time begin with a good positive start. If I can handle that and still remain happy and settled, then really, that has to be a good sign.

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want"

Ben Stein (American Actor, Lawyer, Writer, b.1944)

Learning to dance in the rain

It's been a long time since I've posted. I'm sorry about that...................well really I'm not :P I'm been kinda busy, and everytime I've thought to sit down and post, it's just not happened, I've found something else I've needed to do. It has, admittedly, been a rough couple of months. I'm not 100% sure why, if I'm honest. I think I've felt at another crossroads, yet again, and to be honest, it felt like one crossroads too many. Like, you know, why can't my life just settle down for a while, what's with all the decision-making having to happen all the time? But I'm a parent, that's my job. I'm not just responsible for my life, I'm responsible for 2 other peoples aswell, and every single thing I do, say, think about, it impacts on them and affects the people they will grow up to be. Sometimes, in the past few months, I have cried. Sometimes I have laughed. Sometimes I've just sat and not moved. Everything has felt rather overwhelming quite a lot of the time. But I've got on with it, who else is going to do it? And now, finally, I feel like things are coming together, like life is possible again.

It has been, almost exactly a year, since I was ill. Where I am now is a lifetime away from where I was this time last year. And Christmas, well Christmas is around the corner. And my birthday, naturally :D I will be 29, the last year of my twenties. I'm not bothered about getting older, it genuinely doesn't concern me. In many ways I like it, becoming more secure and happy about who I really am, and knowing that the friendships I still have are real and meaningful ones. But I do feel that I need to celebrate this last year in some way. And I'm going to do it by having a fab Christmas. I have not had a great Christmas since, well, I can't even remember when. 2010 I was having a breakdown and then Jessica and I got the flu. 2009 Adam was sick. 2008 I was pregnant, and Adam was sick. 2007 we were under threat of Ofsted at work, trying to buy a house, packing up the flat, and Adam was sick (and 2 weeks later we got Ofsted and Paul had his major car accident). 2006, Adam was really sick as it was when all his kidney reflux came out to play. 2005, Adam was really sick, with a "virus" similiar to measles, and I was snowed under with college work. 2004, I was snowed under with college work, Adam's biological father decided he didn't want to see him at Christmas or actually ever again. And Adam was, shock horror, sick. 2003, Adam had bacterial septicaemia meningitis. 2002, I was pregnant, single, unemployed and didn't know what to do. 2001, I had an engagement ring thrown at me with words similiar to "I was going to ask you to get engaged but now I think I like *other girls name* so I need to think for the next couple of weeks, but I've got nothing else to give you so why don't you just put it on another finger for a bit while I decide"

 So this year, is 2011. And this year, I have planned Christmas out already. I have no big expectations. I have planned, to the finest detail, a chilled out, quiet, friends and family Christmas. And it is my Birthday. I will be 29. The last year of my 20s. And it will be good, and fabulous, because I am with my friends, and family. We may not have a lot of money, we may not have a lot of *stuff*. But we are happy, we are together, and that is all that matters. There are many people out there who do not have what I have, they do not have somewhere to live,  food to eat, their children with them. I need to count my blessings, and believe me I do. Oh yes I do.

I am sat here, worrying, that I have lost £108 out of my wage this month. And trying to work out a budget to  feed us for a month and still enable us to have Christmas food, take the kids to see Father Christmas, and buy the few pressies I still need to get. But do you know what, what is the worst that could happen to me? I have family, I have friends, who are there to help me. I live in England, we all complain about it but we have the benefits system, we have the housing system, we have hostels and free medical care. If I lived in another country, the worst that could happen is that I could be homeless with my children and be unable to feed them, or myself, and we wouldn't be able to access the medical care we needed. That is a lot lot worse than anything I have to face. And that, is an important thing to remember. Always be grateful for what you DO have, not what you don't. Make the most of what you have, instead of wasting your life away wishing for things that are not there.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain"

Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide...............

It's been a while. Things have been happening. I've broken my camera which creates a problem as it means I can't share in the way I would like, I can't build on the pictures and talk through experiences. I'm trying to win the lottery to afford a new one but so far it's not happening..............
And then just when I was thinking of coming back, my laptop screen also got broke. Super duper this life.

It's so long since I've been on here that they've changed it. It says it's a clean easy to use interface. I find it rather cold, distant, unfriendly, uninviting. Not somewhere that makes me want to write about my life. I'm sure I'll get used to it, everything changes. Some things end. Somebody once said to me "Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end". I can never decide whether or not they were wrong. If something bad is happening, then surely it's good when it ends. But is that still a good ending, because surely it not happening in the first place would've been better really? Can bad things ever go away, have an ending? Or do they remain always there, even when you think you have resolved all the issues.

It's Autumn now, one of my favourite times of year. I like it when the air gets colder and you can go for long crunchy walks and have space to think in your head without having to worry about sunburn or dehydration, or your nose and toes going blue and falling off. I have lots of things to look forward to at the moment. Adam is going on camp and moving up to Cubs. We have devised a system involving a mind-jar and a swing-ball set for future episodes of stress so as to prevent pouring any more money down the drain. Jessica is loving her new childcare arrangements and is talking a lot more since she sent her dummies to the babies in hospital via the dummy fairy. I'm somehow managing to keep the house tidy and sorted, keeping up with work and friends and have even done some Christmas shopping. Amazing huh.

One of the reasons I haven't written since the last post in August is because I have been working through something that is never going to be shared on here, and that I am still working on even now, even though really I thought it would be dealt with and over as soon as I got it out in the open. When you shut the door on something, and then re-open it a long time later to fix it, it's pretty damn hard to make it fit behind that door again. And this is supposed to be a positive space, and I am trying really hard. But sometimes I just want to get off the train and hide down a siding for a while. I was looking on YouTube for the perfect song to go with how I'm feeling. I couldn't find anything, just took a wander around and found all different memories from my past.
This is what I mainly listened to when I was 18/19 -

And this is what I find myself often listening to these days.

"Cos even when I'm a mess I still put on my vest with an S on my chest..." Bit of optimism there for you ;)

When you hide something, put it away, and then come back to it later, you can't just resolve it by telling the right people, having them hug you and apologise and move on. Instead it becomes part of you, something you carry with you, along with everything else. You feel better than when it was hidden, but you don't feel better than if it would never have happened in the first place. So then, you end up feeling angry all over again at the person who caused it. And that is not an easy problem to resolve. But I'm working on it. Partly I just need to stop reinventing myself, and let myself be the person I am, even if sometimes that reminds me of the past. By losing all of my past self, all I do is let the person win. And that can never be a good thing.

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything

"The media's the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that's power. Because they control the minds of the masses."

Malcolm X

It's pretty hard to keep up with your blog when you can't talk about the thing that is foremost in your life at the moment. Or more to the point, when there is nothing that can be said about it because it is pure conjecture, made-up fantasy land stuff from the realms of a nightmare. What can I say?? Don't believe anything you see or read or hear in the media, I personally won't be buying a paper or watching the news for a long while, and I now understand where people are coming from when they say they don't read/watch the news. It's pointless. Inaccurate scare stories feed people's imaginations, make money, and ruin people's lives.
I have nothing to say, not because I know nothing, but because nothing has happened. All I will say is that I work in the best workplace I have ever worked in, with the most supportive staff team I have ever known, the best up-keep with regulations I have seen anywhere, and the safest most happy children ever. So no, to answer all the people that have asked me, I am not looking for a new job, I have one.

Do Unto Others As You Would Have Others Do Unto You

So I'm rather thoughtful at the moment. I kind of lost June, and that's ok. Sometimes it's better to just skip something than put pressure on yourself to do everything and anything. I'm tired as it is with keeping up at home and work, without putting silly pressure on myself to make up for a missing month on here. June 2011 will be forever the missing month. A month of moving and working and sports days and sun, of park visits and allergy meds and cocktails in Leeds and first time chilli making. There's a glimpse for you ;) I'm not skipping it because it was bad (it wasn't), so it's allowed :) You never know, the odd June photo might turn up every so often just to tantalise you!

So, back to the thoughtfulness. I have a lot of friends and family at the moment who are going through hard times. Obviously their own privacy is foremost here and it is not my place to divulge secrets, but I just wish, wish, I could take all their pain away. Money doesn't solve everything, but if I won the lottery I don't think I would have much of it left by the time I sorted myself out and helped everybody I would want to. But that would be fine with me, who needs money sitting in a bank account anyway.
I do think, that people need to think more. It is important to be honest, but that still can be done with tact. It is important to have your own opinions and not just run with the crowd, but that can still include being open minded. And, this quote has sprung to mind many a time this month:

"First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak out for me."
Niemoller

It doesn't matter if somebody is "different" to you (though what is different anyway?), everybody is people, and everybody deserves the chance to live and be treated with decency. On another note, whilst searching on youtube for videos relating to this quote, I came across real life Holocaust deniers. Wow, I didn't know they actually really existed in such a way as to be putting their views on youtube, I honestly can't believe that in this day and age people can STILL believe that it was all made up.

So, I found this:

I hope, one day, if I ever need to be spoken up for, that there will be somebody left to speak for me, as I have done for many others. I used to be prefer to be neutral (or Switzerland as somebody once put it), but now, now I prefer to be Me.

Oh, and talking of speaking out for people, this month, and next (and quite probably quite a few months after to be fair), are pretty tough months for my sister and her boyfriend, Katy and Justin, who became Mummy and Daddy to my gorgeous little nephew Isaac Edward Munford on August 10th 2010. Unfortunately we were only to have 2 weeks and 6 days with him before he was called up to Heaven.

Now, here is a picture of Isaac:

And here is a picture of his resting place, taken on the Royal Wedding Day:

My sister would love to be able to give him a headstone, and is currently raising money selling Mini Cakes to save up for this. If you would like to help, please take a look at Isaac Inspirations. All money raised from Mini Cakes goes to Isaac's Headstone Fund, all money raised from other items goes to the NeoNatal Unit at Leeds General Infirmary where Isaac was looked after by lovely nurses and doctors xx. I can testify that the Mini Cakes are extremely yummy :D

Now I am off to find other ways to help all the people that I care about that are having rough times xxx.

This song is stuck in my head at the moment. Whenever you see somebody suffering, think "There but for the Grace of God go I", and see what you can do to help.

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!

I have the internet back! Yippee!!!!!!!
Lots of things have happened, and I can't catch up on them all tonight, because, well, I am having a tv night, due to having a long week and being shattered.
But, there is something I would like to address. Somebody said to me yesterday, that they hate those "mum" statuses on facebook, where people go on about being unselfish mothers and not having their hair done and trading night outs for video nights in etc. Because it makes them feel like they're supposed to feel that way too, and are "wrong" for not doing. But it's not true. Here's a new one for you:

I'm a mum. I love spending time with my kids. But sometimes they do my head in. I love having family video nights in. But I love going out with my friends and talking about "grown-up" stuff. I love spending money on the kids. But I love having my hair done in peace and quiet and feeling like 'me' for an hour or so. I don't regret for one second having my children and I appreciate that I have children to get up with at 5am ever day. But I still sometimes wish I could have a lie-in and not have to snap into wide-awake super-mum mode within a minute of getting out of bed.

And that's that soap box moment over and done with for the week :p Of course I would never go out if my kids were sick, or I didn't have enough money for their food and clothes or heating to keep them warm. But that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy it when they're not sick and I do have money. I will freely admit I am a totally excellent supermum, my kids are always nicely dressed and well fed and remember everything for school and nursery and always have spare clothes and wellies and trainers and tracksuits and pe kits and name labels and water bottles. They have stack loads of toys and garden toys and travel toys and dvds and books, yet they know the value of money and rarely whinge about what they can't have. I spend time with them, bake every sunday with them and take them to church. But, I still like having a break. I commit the ultimate single parent sin every week of NOT MISSING THEM when they are at their dad's. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to lie. Yes, I love them to pieces, but do you know what, I am shattered by Thursday and a 2 day/night break does me the world of good and means I am a better mum when they are back with me because I am not a total wreck. Plus I personally think it is important for them to have a strong relationship with their daddy, he's been there since before they were both born I think it'd be a lot worse for them if they didn't see him! So, for everybody else who feels like me, you are not a bad mum. You're human. And if anybody tells you otherwise, they're not really important in your life anyway. And if anybody thinks, after reading this, that I'm a bad mum, then they should come and live with me for a week and then tell me how bad a mum I am. Besides, Adam said I'm the bestest mummy in the world and Jessica gave me a kiss. And when it comes down to it, who else's opinion counts?

A Flower Can't Be Beautiful Without A Little Rain

I have come to the decision, that I am actually quite please about moving house. It has come at a good time. The house I am in now, was perfect at the time. But it's like I have been in hibernation, a cocoon, and now it is time to step out. I needed somewhere to recover, rebuild, and start over. But now it's time to truly start over, and my new house is perfect for that. It is still near enough my mum's and school so as to keep my life uncomplicated. But it is also nearer many of my friends, or at least on an easier route of access. It is on the same street as Adam's best friend. It is next to a great park and nearer to the canal and Roberts Park, for more chilled out summer days. I can wander into Saltaire on the weekends and pick up my shopping, and have a potter around the shops. Those are my kind of shops, small and interesting and personal. The house, is more my kind of house. The room is cosy and snug, and the kitchen is big enough for a decent size family table for us to eat, and make, and work, and basically live on! The garden is an exploring garden, yet still secure and with flat areas for seating and play. The landlord seems to be lovely and actually gets things done. I am getting quite excited, it's a whole new way of life and is totally fitting for the place my life is at right now.
It is important, to look at things in a positive light. I was devastated about moving at first, but now I can see that it is actually opening up many new doors and opportunities. I have always wanted Adam to have somebody he could run out the door and go play with, and now he has. I have always wanted to be able to have a decent size kitchen with space for a proper table, and now I have. I have always wanted to be near somewhere with interesting and useful little shops and nice cafes, and now I will be.
These past few weeks have been a struggle that I had to get through, and now I feel ready and able to truly move on. I know what true happiness really is. It is being loved and accepted for who you really are. And I am at my new job, I am at the Salvation Army, I am by my lovely supportive friends who live local, I am by my lovely supportive BC friends who are spread far and wide, I am by my family, and I am especially by James. Right now, I am living my real life, the life of me, Dawn Martin. It is not all sweetness and light, there are dark patches and many grey times. But it is real and true and that is what matters.

"I could sing you a tune and promise you the moon, but if that's what it takes to hold you then I'd just as soon as let you go" - Love me for me, or don't even bother.

This song, is real. Life is not always that great, and I am not one of those people who can be all sunny and light all the time, and find the bright side in everything. I try, but sometimes I think it's inappropriate to find a bright side. Sometimes there isn't a bright side. And sometimes those people can be kind of irritating, they make you feel rubbish for not always being so happy and jolly about everything. A good quote going around facebook is "You should never apologise for how you feel, it's like saying sorry for being real".
But, if you accept me for who I am, then yes, we can enjoy the good times when they happen, and make the bad times bearable and struggle through them together. Life is never going to be all rose gardens and sugar sprinkles, but it's the only life we get, and sitting around complaining about the hand we've been dealt is never going to change anything.
Being yourself and being completely honest and pretty much baring your soul is pretty scary. But it sure as anything feels good to know that somebody knows every single little thing about you and is still around. It's a scary thing to do and it can mean some friendships don't make it. But the ones that do, they are real, and when you feel so incredibly secure in your friendships and your relationships, that, is when you can be really happy with your life, whatever it throws at you next.

And these, are my two little superheroes, defending their right to be eccentric little character-full people x.

A Month's Worth of Memories........

It is the 28th of February!!! The end of the month, the start of new beginnnings. And how funny is it, that in my new job, this term's focus is on "New Beginnings". How cool a coincidence is that, totally meant to be :D
My new job is fab, yes it is a trek but other than that it is great. The staff are friendly and it is well organised but laid back and relaxed and I really love it and am looking forward to working there.
So so so, it's time to think back on the month.
From my yearly list, I have made some excellent progress! I have booked the children on some adventures with me for later in the year, namely London and Kendal Calling (they still have tickets if anybody wants to adventure along with us!). I'm working on the photo, but am getting less hung up on the bad ones (as you will see below). I went to see Illuminatus with Roj, and as mentioned have booked to go to Kendal Calling. My house is getting lovelier every day, and I made some progress on Isaac's birth-sampler whilst in Scotland. I went to the cinema twice, and am going again on Wednesday. And, I have a job!!! WOOHOO!!
Now here's the fun random bit:
Start a trend - DONE - thanks to you lot reading this ;p
Watch an entire boxset in one sitting - Not done due to time restrictions, however am planning for this weekend, no need to get hung up on the delay :D
Bobble hat it up - See http://themorninggirl.blogspot.com/2011/02/story-of-not-post.html
Catch a snowflake on your tongue - The weather (which I was then blamed for, when surely it should be the fault of the author of my diary......) was on my side:

This is, admittedly, not a nice photo of me. But I am trying to get past that fact.

Get an early night - This was hard!! But I slightly managed it last night, the day before my new job. For me, 10pm is early, so there!

Take your favourite person out for cake - I made a cake, and ate it with my 2 favourite people, Jessica and Adam xx.

Send at least one Valentine's card (even better, send loads!) - I sent lovely Valentine's cards to lots of lovely people :D I then spread the love further by falling over, tipping the pram and bag up, and scattering confetti hearts all down Green Road :D

Stroke soft things (always ask permission) - This I did.

Draw on steamy windows - Me and Adam drew smiley faces on the windows in Scotland, but it wouldn't show up on the camera :(

Be lovely - This, I did. I am ALWAYS lovely ;p

All in all, it was a fab month, the first of many more to come. Here are some of the brilliant memories that were made this month:

Jessica missed her brother so she stole his pyjamas

 

 It's time for dancing!!!

 The beginning of the great teeth evacuation....... (Adam hates this photo but I'm trying to teach him the way of the wise ones in not being hung up on photos......also I think it's funny :D)

 A fun laughing night with friends

Cousins bonding in Scotland

Adventures in the Forest in Scotland

This month was a rollercoaster, there were sad times and bad times and hard times. But most importantly, there were fun times and good times and happy times and friend times and inspirational times. Apparently, it doesn't have to be bad things in our life that affect us, it can just be the lack of good things. So, if I ensure that my children have plenty of good times this will counteract the bad times. Because who can stop those happening, and truly, would we be the people we are without having persevered and struggled through those difficulties? I think not. I am a real person, and my friends are real people, and I want my children to be real people too. We live in the real world, and we must find our place within that.

 "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." Vince Lombardi

And on that note people - after sharing this link I shall be crazily dancing to "Do you love me" by The Contours - join me in this madness ;p

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow, You're only a day away.......

There is nothing negative allowed on this blog.
Some days, there does not appear to be a bright side. There are some things in life, that you can't make a bright side of, and if you tried it would be rather inappropriate. And some days, you can have a pretty major setback and not really know how to get out of there again.
Today, is Totally Wow Wednesday. And here is my Wow moment.
A bad day, can just be a bad day. It doesn't have to be a setback. Instead of letting it consume you, embrace it. Yes, it's a bad day, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, so just do what you have to, then watch tv, and eat junk. Tomorrow, you can start over. The slate will be clean. Just because there isn't a bright side, doesn't mean that it isn't all part of some future amazing plan.

"Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings." Ralph Blum

The song that's coming into my head as I write this is technically a Christmas song, but I think I can get away with it.
"Sometimes life is not all it can be
And here we are
Wondering just how far this road can lead
And here we are
And from the darkness shines a bright burning star
And who we are is changing within our hearts

One night, One moment
And everything's changed
One night, One moment
And everything's changed

Tonight is so pure and so special
We'll never feel lonely again
Cos we are all standing together
As friends
And everything's changing forever
One Night, One Moment"

Friends are the most important thing in the whole world. If you have friends, you can do absolutely anything. You can even clear your bio-hazard of a kitchen, get the bin put out before the binmen come, and get your toddler to go to sleep :D

"High apple pie, in the sky hopes....."

Today, I have a job :D So that is one thing ticked off my yearly list after only 5 days, wow I am brilliant. I went for my counselling assessment today, and he told me I was pretty much being my own therapist and that this blog is an excellent thing to do. So there we go, the official seal of approval.
I'm also making some progress on my monthly list. Because I have tricked all of you into reading this blog, I have therefore as a nice little side-effect "Started a trend". And I am still working on number 7, which is going to be so brilliant it is unbelievable.
I am pretty chuffed about the job as the nursery looks very well resourced and the owners are also the managers and wear the uniforms and clean up sick and buy whatever is needed straight away and fund extra staff for children needing support out of their own pocket until funding comes through. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, to be frank. So now I have 3 weeks to organise Jessica - hahahaha.
So, today, according to my diary, is "Try a new flavour day". Which is rather tricky as being brought up in a big family and looked after by a zillion different people, I've tried a lot of things food. So I just tried the thing on the pub menu that I would never normally have and is pretty different from what I'd normally choose. Quorn Chilli with rice, sour cream and tortilla chips. Here we are:

And do you know what? It was really really nice and I'm really pleased I did it! I'm one of those people who eats the same few things every time I go out because I'm worried I won't like something different, but from now on I'm going to make an effort to really choose other foods, especially ones that I wouldn't cook at home.

I found this quote today.
It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
       - Theodore Roosevelt

And I remembered coming across this from my teenage poetry days:
"I do not want to
Should-could-would-have been
I want to Be
To live and to do all the should-haves"

I had high hopes for myself back then. I must regain those. I have just read the back cover of my diary, it says "Fantasticness One Brilliant Day At A Time". I like that.