Plums From A Stranger

So, I have been very absent because we have been to DisneyLand Paris and we are moving house in TWO SLEEPS and I was ill. I am most likely going to continue being rather absent as we won't have an internet connection for a couple of weeks and I need to unpack the house and make it all lovely and "family home-ness".

Almost every night I have thought of things I could blog about, and many times I have almost picked up my phone and started writing, but stopped as I just needed sleep and I knew that if I started writing I wouldn't stop, and then as the days went by I just couldn't decide which thing to write about as so much as happened. I needed a break, and sleep. I had a virus last week which was, I think, a very mild stomach virus but my body decided that actually it was pretty tired and couldn't cope with a mild stomach virus very well so would just stop working for a couple of days and make me stay in bed. I was slightly ill Tuesday, woke up Wednesday morning feeling better, walked down the stairs and promptly passed out on the kitchen floor, giving myself a stupid burn/graze above my left eyebrow in the process. I was shipped back off to bed and the children were whisked away from me for most of the next couple of days, with the GP instructing me over the phone that bed rest and much fluids were needed so I did as I was told for once. At the weekend I ventured into Shipley with Toby and smiled at a lady at the bus stop because I had thought she was tucking into a chocolate bun then realised it was a plum and smiled at myself really for being daft. The lady then, bless her, decided that I needed her plums because I looked tired. I managed to persuade her I had lots of fruit at home (I didn't want to take the bag of plums she had just bought for herself?!) but she did insist I had one plum to eat on the way home because I had the little baby to feed and look after. I didn't tell her I had two more in case she changed her mind and tried to give me them all again! But it was a lovely gesture and the plum was very nice, and I find it refreshing when people are still just "generally nice" to each other these days, when there are so many reports in the news of negative events concerning friends and family let alone strangers. I don't want my children to be easily trusting of others, but I also don't want them to be automatically mistrustful, and scared to talk to anybody. Having a chat with a stranger at a bus stop can be an interesting 5 minutes, a break from a busy day, and can often give you another perspective on things. It is always good to have an open mind.

So, I apologise for not telling you all the interesting things that have happened this month and not sharing our amazing time in DisneyLand Paris yet. I'm sure I will get around to blogging about how Jessica's favourite spot was the Dragon's Lair and Adam's was all the caves and tunnels in Adventure Land, how amazing it was to see the looks on their faces when the light show came on and the concern Adam showed for his sister when she fell asleep just before it started and he thought she would miss it (she woke up as it started and stayed awake all the way through so no worries). One day I am bound to reminisce about Jessica having a fringe cut in her hair for the first time and, upon looking in the mirror, announcing seriously "Well I'll have to change my name now!" There was also Toby's first roll onto his side, his amazing little smiles and gurgles, the way he was a superstar on holiday despite not usually liking too many days out in a row, and his really ace new brand of cloth nappies that I absolutely love and want some more of. We have had many "made up off the top of my head to use up the contents of the kitchen" teas, all of which have been surprisingly successful and some that have made our "main go-to list" which will help with saving some money in the coming months. There will be further news of Adam's first foray into music with Cornet lessons, which apparently are going great, and he actually walked to school with a friend, with me very far behind (carrying a scooter, a Jessica, and pushing a pram with a Toby in it), and happily got there all by himself, so his confidence levels are having a surge it would seem.

But for now, I am signing off, because I have a really exciting few days ahead, with a real family home to be created and I want to focus on life, right now, as it happens. Sometimes I miss facebook and my friends on there, but the positive changes in my life I feel are worth it and I can't see myself going back anytime soon.

...and from Limbo we enter Chaos

So the last week has been rather crazy. We have been in limbo for a while now, waiting to move, waiting for Jessica's birthday, waiting for Cub Camp, waiting for Disneyland, and now suddenly they are all upon us.
Jessica had a fabulous birthday party, with much help from Julie, Rachel and my Mum. Toby happily played whilst it was all set up, wanted feeding 10 minutes before it started, sat with my Mum for the whole afternoon and wanted feeding just after it finished - perfect baby or what?? All of the children were lovely and it was a fun and thoroughly enjoyed by all afternoon. I can't post any pictures as they all have other people's children on, and I know for a fact that three of the children there can't have their pictures on the internet and wouldn't dream of putting the other children on without their parent's permission anyway. But I can share a picture of the Treasure Map Cake I did at the last minute when Jessica suddenly decided two days before her party that she would quite like one of those.

Not bad I don't think - Jessica loved it so that is all that matters :D
We had telescope making, dancing, Pirate Pete says, dancing, musical bumps, dancing, Guess where the X should go on the map, dancing, colouring sheets, dancing, pass the parcel, dancing, a crazy 5 minute "CANNONBALL FIGHT!!!" with plastic ball pool balls and side-turned tables complete with table-cloth covered legs for good old fashioned health & safety (rather than just banning it outright like all these politically correct people would have you do these days :P) and then a "WALK THE PLANK!!!" to the food tables with cannonball cheese crisps + grapes, cheese on swords, jelly boats and pirate topped buns amongst other yummy offerings. The party bags were given out simply containing chocolate coins, freaky fish, a "Pirate ............'s Room" colouring sheet (free printable online) and a sheet of pirate stickers, and many thankyous were said by all. It was a fantastic party to say that a good amount of the children were only just 3 or under and I was really impressed.

So now on to the next happening which is Cub Camp, Adam took all his bed kit tonight and made his bed roll, luckily I had remembered to sew his Diamond Jubilee badge onto his camp blanket so I am in the good books. The rest of his kit needs packing up tomorrow, fingers crossed James is picking up his new walking boots from the sorting office tomorrow and we have everything he needs. He comes back at lunchtime on Monday and we are setting off at lunchtime on Tuesday so a quick laundry turn-around, possibly borrowing Nana's dryer, may be needed on Monday afternoon!! Although if he is the same as he was on Big Camp last year he will come home with a bag full of clean clothes, wearing his thermals and the same set of clothes he went in because "you have to get up early for breakfast and it was too cold to keep getting changed". So, uhm, a bath/shower at Nana's may be needed Monday afternoon actually, if we have to be all sat in the same car for hours on Tuesday afternoon.......

Talking not-so-good odours, we have car sickness tablets and sea-bands for Jessica to try out, and I am just about to search google for trips on what to pack for kids with a tendency to throw up on car journeys. Wish us luck!! I am also creating some travel activity bags for the kids, using and adapting some fab activity ideas I have found on pinterest. I got 2 velcro pads with attached ball (put away for future use) for only £1.69 today and created a figure play set each, and with amazing timing my Aunty got Jessica some magnets with a two-sided magnetic play scene so we have taken all of her magnets off the fridge and created another activity set for her.

Adam will no doubt be enacting a mini World War II, whilst Jessica can continue her bizarre obsession with Cut the Rope figurines.

Forever Friends set, with added Peppa Pig, Dora and Barney magnets, the other side is a garden party scene.

I have bought some dry eraser 'crayons' by Crayola that need no caps, some lollipop sticks, and will be working on a few ideas I have up my sleeve over the next few days.

So we are food listing, packing listing and car journey listing tonight, with a good sprinkling of tidying and getting everything ready for the morning so I can hopefully repeat last Thursday's success in getting all three children out of the house and Adam at school on time. Then in the afternoon it is time for new Jessica car seat shopping, looking for something that is relatively simple to clean in the likely event of it being covered in sick, oh joy. We will be mostly shopping and packing over the next few days, ready for our exciting trip to Disneyland Paris yippee!!! Then when we get back, only 2 weeks until move date so the packing can begin in earnest, double yippee!!

I am feeling a lot more positive, although having many meltdowns in the midst of all this as this house is just far too crowded and small things become big things in that kind of situation for all of us, except Toby who remains happy and chilled regardless, bless his little soul. I am sure, somehow, he has been sent to restore peace to our little family unit. He is definitely here for a reason.

The Bright Side

I have been re-reading all of my old posts over the last few days whilst organising some labels. And I feel like my older posts were more positive and fun. I would love to get that back, in to my life in general as well as on here. So on that note I am going to get back to the original premise and as from the 1st May will be re-starting The Lists from my diary - in fact I have a diary and a calendar this year so it may mean double lists :-) I can't possibly start until May because there is only just over a week left of April and it is mahoosively busy. Put it this way - I could've been triple booked next Saturday night if I wasn't concentrating!!
See you all soon on The Bright Side xx.

Born to be Wild............

So my current 'project' (or most important of many) is to have a more positive relationship with my intensely brilliant and fireball of a daughter. I love her to pieces and she loves me intensely, but we seem to be constantly interlocked in battle. She has a very strong personality, which will stand her in good stead as she gets older I'm sure, but right now it means that every day consists of challenges for me to overcome even down to the daily events of dressing, breakfast, walking down the stairs.........
She needs a lot of input, a lot to keep her busy. Sometimes I run out of ideas and get so stressed trying to think of stuff to occupy her and keep her from bugging Adam (who also needs to learn more patience) and look after Toby at the same time. Adam is happy spending time with James but I don't want him to feel left out. Jessica wants pure undiluted constant MUMMY. Toby is amazingly chilled but only I can feed him and I don't want to not spend any time with him whilst he's so little and establishing bonds and relationships. Luckily Jessica loves him to pieces as does Adam xx.
So, I bought a new piece of battle armour the other day. 'The Preschooler's Busy Book'. I have the Toddlers version and love it but she has outgrown it. It came last week and looks great :-)
So far we have tried 'Cleaning Coins' and 'Paper Doll Chain', both with great success. I am hoping this will help us spend some quality time together, keep her busy when I need to be with Toby, and in general help us have a happier relationship. Fingers crossed xx.

I am pinning a lot on us moving, giving both older children a bit of their own space, and instilling some new rules and routines including new night lights, alarm clocks, less toys in bedrooms and BATH TIME!! Today we went to the park with friends and had a fab time, but the walk/scooter home was a bit much for Jessica and by the time we got home she was so tired that life itself became a battle. Being able to come home from that kind of sticky, hot, dusty day and plonk her into a bath is something I am massively looking forward to. I am sure we will still have many tantrums but hopefully some can be avoided. I am off now to organise my "Crazy Can", "Messy Can" and "Mummy Time Can" activities from the Busy Book and Pinterest and trying to feel a bit less stumped when something, ANYTHING, is needed to be introduced to prevent chaos ruling.

Plans? You have plans? We three children laugh in the face of your plans...

So, I deactivated facebook. This morning I woke up feeling very relaxed and motivated. Toby had to be at the doctors for 10.40am for his injections and we managed to get there almost on time without any Jessica meltdowns. She rode her scooter all the way to saltaire roundabout which is up quite a hill, we missed the original bus I had planned to catch but I saw that she was trying her best and reminded myself that it was me who should have given her more time to get up the hill. So I encouraged her rather than getting cross, told her it didn't matter about the bus and just got the next one. We were only a few minutes late for the doctor and she felt good about herself.
Fast forward to this afternoon. Everything went wrong, Jessica's behaviour sky rocketed, Adam was mid meltdown and poor Toby was crying his little eyes out which he never does so presumably his legs were aching from his jabs.
James and I had planned to do as much tidying of the house as possible. Instead I was stuck on the sofa with a cuddly and bossy Jessica and the kitchen got more messy (as did James) when I tried to open the strawberry milkshake powder and ended up pouring it over his head whilst he was knelt down putting dishes away. Shaky hands. I've been having headaches recently, and now with shaky hands and noticing my engagement ring is more 'fitted' it seems that high blood pressure may be trying to sneak back in.
So James swept that up, I attempted to herd the children to bed without an all out war, and then I laid on the sofa and unashamedly cried. I am tired, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong with Jessica whatever I try, and poor Adam is getting grief at every turn - from his sister at home and a boy at school (letter to teacher has been written tonight and will be sent tomorrow and hopefully sorted) and is struggling to cope.
As an aside, James is sat watching 'Going Postal' and one of the lines struck me as what I would say "Can't I even die in peace?" hahaha. As many mums will testify, it's rare you even get to wee in peace.
So. James made me a cuppa and we talked and made plans for tomorrow, choosing to ignore the fact that they didn't work today. Without hope what is there left?? And I am currently sat reading "How to talk so children will listen and listen so children will talk". If nothing it helps just to know I'm not alone. Underneath it is "Siblings without rivalry", hopefully that will have some gems of wisdom. With another cuppa, and a pack of custard creams, we'll figure out a way forward I'm sure xx.

How to have a largely successful day out.....

So, we did this. We had a successful day out. All five of us. And it included a city centre, a coffee stop and a 2 course meal. Here's how we did it.

Firstly - the eldest two slept at their Dads last night so they were already dressed and first-breakfasted upon arrival at 730am. This is a very important note as it meant no negative morning issues. It is important to also note that James, their father and myself had a highly positive conversation about various things upon drop off, which even included laughter, so even more positivity sneaked into their heads whilst they weren't looking.
We had a slight meltdown upon setting off as Jess was in delay/avoidance mood and we missed the train and I left my phone at home, but we were back up and running (and thanks to James actual running also had my phone back) by the time the next train came.

A few minor mishaps involving platform races, swerving prams and Jessica having to see *shock horror* DRESSES on display whilst exchanging Toby's suit (for the next size up - milk monster alert!), and we were headed for the Lego Store. Having wisely set off early to avoid crowds (and thus meltdowns from pretty much all of us except Toby), we had the store almost to ourselves. The children were impeccably well-behaved, didn't ask for anything, and happily built and paid for a minifigure each from their own pocket money when the idea was suggested to them. On to the next store!!

We had wisely located the next store before going in the first store.......and upon stepping out of the lift were able to shout "Yay Toy Shop!!!" for the first time in ages in Leeds City Centre. The children loved the roof of the Trinity also at this point. In we went.........

I followed Jessica and James followed Adam. Jessica's conversation was a stream of "woah"s and "wow"s as she came across Doc McStuffins, Peppa Pig and various other tv toys. She brilliantly asked for nothing.
Until we came to the Cut the Rope display unit. "Pleeeeease Mummy. But pleeeeease Mummy, I keep this?" With many sad looks and cuddles. Looking at the 10 pound price tag I was extremely firm in my no. I offered to take a picture so she could ask for it for her birthday. She had a very cute pleading face in said picture.

But she put the toy back with no further questions, no tears or tantrums. I was so amazed I offered to buy her a foil pack with 2 cut the rope figurines in for 2 quid which she happily accepted. Soft touch, moi??
Both children paid at the till (Adam chose some more Kobots, again out of his pocket money) and we directed them next door to Costa which James and I had spotted on the way in ;-)

This, again, was amazingly stress free. We sat for 30-60 minutes, drank both our coffees, had one mini muffin each, fed Toby, changed a nappy, whilst 2 happy and cooperative children played with their new figures and then our phones as we noticed boredom triggers appearing. To the bookshop I suggested?? And both children happily agreed and didn't delay leaving?!

Upon arrival in the bookshop Jessica needed a wee. I headed back out with her to find a toilet (and bought a pot of fruit from a cafe to gain access to one). She happily walked, waited and wee'd. Both children spent time choosing books, a bit of 'Jessica wanting to buy books she already has, half the shop for Toby, and Adam wanting to spent 20 quid on sticker books' was dealt with surprisingly diplomatically and with no meltdowns and the man on the till was very impressed that Jessica was spending her pocket money on a book (Little Miss Star) instead of sweeties. Luckily she didn't hear him and gain ideas ;-)

On to the museum! No food and drink allowed in but thankfully Jessica had just finished her fruit pot (and shared it with Adam?!) so no issues arose. Adam enjoyed running all over the huge map "destroying Leeds" and James had fun spotting all the places he had driven to in the van recently. Jessica pushed and pulled lots of interesting "things" whilst Adam read about what they actually were. A few slight 'getting tired combined with warm museum' grumbles began to surface after about an hour so we took the executive decision to get excited about it being sunny enough to play in the Noble Comb park hint hint.....they decided yes it was ok to go back to the train station. We had a few wobbles from a tired 9 yr old (and a tired 26 yr old) on the way but nothing spectacular in our world ;-) and found the 2 spare mini muffins on the back of the pram just in time to offset a tired 3 year old's descent into 'I want to do whatever you don't want me to do' whilst James was buying juice in the shop and I was outside with all 3 children. Phew!

We psychologically tricked the children (mainly Adam) into making the walk to the pub feel shorter by walking right through the station "You can go through the tunnel AND on a lift this way!" and not surfacing until near Foxes Corner where "You can see the pub from here!" - awesome parenting at it's best ;-)

We arrived at the pub. And the rest is history.

Adam read his new book in the sun...........before joining his sister in the park.


Jessica ran about on the park, took off her tshirt because it was warm, straight away put on her jumper because it was cold, and ran about without her wellies on because "it's safe, OK!"



Adam ate all his meal AND an extra identical meal we bizarrely got free, and Jessica had a pretty good go at her "pizza, rice and peas, I don't like vegetables ok, so get me PEAS ok?" so we got puddings. 2 big sharing puddings between the 4 of us, because we were high on the no meltdowns so far day we were having.

Who likes their pudding? "I DO!!"

A park, an empty bench table next to it, weather *just* warm enough for us to sit outside, an extra pizza the kitchen cooked by accident and two sharing desserts later, two children actually happily walked out of the pub in the direction of home.

For about 2 seconds and then they realised it was 4pm, they'd left the house at 930am (and their Dad's at 715am) and now they were being asked to walk home. Slight parenting fail but one with no other solution due to the location of the pub, our house and that the walk for a bus/train would've been just as dramatic and almost as long. The 9 year old was the most vocal. Luckily, another 2 seconds later we were on the canal. And the complaints of "it takes ages, I'm tired, we've walked loads today" were forgotten as sticks and stones were flung into the ever accepting depths. It wasn't plain sailing and took a rather tortuous hour and ten minutes to get from the Noble Comb canal entrance to our house in Saltaire......bearing in mind we had the pram with us that Jessica had the option of jumping in and out of all day so we hadn't been forcing her to walk miles. Much was made of "ooh a red boat", "look that's where Aunty Karen works" and "I think the ducks are following us....quick run!". Jessica jumped in the pram just as we got to Roberts Park, we had a slight hiccup when she saw the icecream barge but these were the only tears of the day and were gone by the time we reached the train station and found a stick to bang on railings all the way home.

At home, surprisingly, Jessica didn't fall asleep (unlike Beard who nodded off on the sofa) and chilled out watching tv whilst Adam updated his kobots profile on the pc. A few Good Luck Charlie episodes later, a small upset over the water cup in the bathroom, and all three children were in beds/cot. Jessica fell asleep straight after her stories and a quick mummy snuggle so I actually feel rather sane.

The nappies are in the wash, the house is 'tidy enough', and it's quiet. And we had a successful day out. All five of us. So how did we avoid meltdowns? A mixture of planning, cunning, and a big dollop of luck. Maybe we have the skills to have a good time at DisneyLand next month after all?? I certainly hope so, for now I'm just happy that we managed it once x.

"Wear Your Red Dress......."

Rather shockingly, I seem to have gained a life recently. I am spending time doing real things instead of writing my blog. It was completely unforeseen and unexpected that this would happen.

I am spending a large amount of my time researching home-education, and the more I read, the more I firmly believe this is the right option for my son as a viable option to secondary school. He also believes this, which only strengthens my resolve. Tomorrow we are going to visit a construction club led by home educators and hopefully have a chat with some people, as I think I will feel "braver" about this after meeting some people in real concrete life who are already doing it. The main aspects that interest me are the ability to create a curriculum tailored to his interests and abilities and future plans, which can be changed at any time, and be as flexible and free-flowing as he and the rest of our family need it to be. That he won't be subject to un-necessary peer pressure to conform and fit in so that he doesn't have to endure bullying. That he can have real socialisation, in the real world that he will live in for the rest of his life after school-age. That he won't have to do 10 or more subjects, some of which don't interest him, and instead can focus on subjects that interest him and gain greater knowledge in those areas, and gain a wider education in the real world, how to actually cook and clean and budget and "live". At the moment he is interested in Maths, English, Science, History, Religious Education, Geography and Latin, with a good sprinkling of ICT throughout. He would also like to learn karate, cooking, gardening, go swimming more, learn to play the piano, do lots of reading, and immerse himself in Harry Potter. Sounds pretty well-rounded to me ;) It is a rather scary prospect, I am worried I will fail, but if I sent him to school and then complained that they had failed him, would it truly be them failing him or would it be me, who had sent him somewhere unable to meet his needs? I am lucky that I am able to consider this, we are not well off at ALL but we are good at budgeting. However I feel I need to think in the long-run of a self-employed business opportunity I could do from home, especially at some point to begin building up a pension. It's all rather grown-up, this child-rearing stuff isn't it ;) I don't know whether Jessica will be attending secondary school or whether she will also suit home-educating better, she is only 2 at the minute and still developing her crazy little personality, but long-term thinking suggests I need to work on some kind of financial sustainability.

Other than that, I have been cooking, and cleaning, and sewing badges on to a camp blanket, going to the Salvation Army, going to band practice (although not tonight, as it's raining heavily and it's the school holidays which tends to skew my plans somewhat), planning my sister's hen-do, vaguely having ideas for my own wedding, planning Jessica's birthday, budgeting, oh always budgeting :P I have also dug out the cross-stitch and started re-watching ER from the beginning :)

Jessica and I have been making rock-buddies from a kit that a lovely friend passed on to us, it had stickers in which suited my sticker-addict down to the ground!! Adam has been very Harry Potter orientated, is half-way through the fourth book and keeps re-watching the fifth film. Apparently the fourth book is in the school library but he can't get it as it is in the "cream" section and he has only just moved up to "ruby" a couple of weeks ago............apparently the How to Train your Dragon books are in "ruby".........which he read last year at home. Don't you just love school reading schemes :P It's a good job we have well-stocked bookshelves at home :D Jessica also likes Harry Potter, she wanders around the house waving her drumsticks about shouting "Smelly Armpits!!", her logical take on "Expelliarmus". We got a letter from my little brother yesterday, and Adam was massively excited, declared that it was "his" letter, and read it repeatedly. When I later mentioned it is Jessica's birthday in just over 4 weeks, he announced that "And then it will be only 7 months until Uncle Andy comes home!!!" I said, "Do you miss him?" He said "Of course, I do, he's my family, I love him no matter what." I love my little boy, he's quite amazing. Think I best email his Uncle Andy and tell him what was said.

All in all, we are having a rather nice time just being together as a family, James is here quite often and is moving in shortly. Adam is very excited by this, and keeps saying "YES!" when we mention it - although this is usually followed by "I can't wait to have his TV in the kitchen so I can watch DVDs when Jessica is bossing the TV". So I can't be 100% sure on their motives for being happy about James moving in..................

Life goes on, as they say, and apparently it is true. It sure has taken it's time to show up. Possibly, after a settlement period, I will be back on this blog more often, when I have realigned all of my priorities. Who knows, in a couple of years it could be chronicling our adventures in the land of "Education Otherwise" :D

I was searching for a positive song about moving on. I have just found this most amazing song. I love it!!! I found the lyrics and have written them underneath. This is one awesome song - "Turn Up The Music" - this your life, live it!! It makes me feel like the whole tone of this blog is different, if I'd have listened to it first I'm sure it would have been. Listen to the lyrics, read them, and do them.........

How You Live - Point of Grace - Music/Lyrics Cindy Morgan

Wake up to the sunlight
with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

Chorus:
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

So go to the ball games
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

Chorus

Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin

So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Chorus

'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

"These Are The Days So Wake Up 'Cos This Is The Time...."

"......And You Know I'm Right"






And so it begins, a new phase of time. Now, I must make a point, that I am not one of those annoying "New Year, New Me" types, who make loads of resolutions and then breaks them in a week.  I don't really do resolutions. For me, this is a new phase because I have stopped working and am staying at home, because I am approaching the "met a year ago" mark with James, and it just so happens that this coincides with a new year. If it was May, it would still be a new phase of time for me.

So, I have shifted my List of the Year around a bit. Deleted some things that I'd either achieved or have realised are no longer important. Have edited some things that I want to change the focus of. Have added some new things that I'd like to try and work on. You may notice a subtle shift in priorities, towards a mellower, more  chilled out existence, focused on home life and the smaller more important things in life, such as crafting and gardening and playing and reading and just basically enjoying life, unrefined basic life, with all the fancy bits stripped away.

It's going to be rather an exciting fun year. There's a couple of weddings, probably more to be planned for 2013/4 with the recent engagements that have been announced, lots of babies to be born to some really lovely Mummy's, and a few other plans afoot to make it a year to look forward, a year of change, but positive gentle natural moving forward change, rather than forceful take the wind out of your sails change. I am rather organised, having bought Jessica's birthday presents in a rather amazing sale, and have actually managed to find a decent hiding place for them :O


It's all looking good, and going well, for some reason I feel rather quiet, rather thinkative, I don't think I'm feeling foreboding, I'm genuinely happy and positive about the near (and far) future. Maybe it's just because I can be quiet, I have time to be quiet, without too many thoughts of work and study and childcare arrangements crowding in on the already busy thoughts of children and family and house and bills and school and friends and life in general. After only one week of not being at work, I really am not sure how I managed to fit it in. Of course, this could have something to do with both children waking up with chicken pox on New Years Day. Picture the scene, getting Jessica dressed, lift up her tshirt and "Oh." Shout up the stairs "James, Jessica has chicken pox again!". Mention on facebook that Jessica has chicken pox again. Five minutes later, Adam says he has a spot on his stomach. Lift up his pj top to reveal a back covered in spots. Shout up the stairs "James, Adam has chicken pox too.......again.........this is the THIRD time!!". James decides he'd best get out of bed at this point....................Mention on facebook that Adam now also has chicken pox. Have a comment that only my children could get chicken pox more than once or twice :P
So. A week stuck in the house. An extended school holiday for Adam. But strangely, it was fine. I wouldn't exactly say I was glad they had chicken pox or enjoyed them being ill, but what I did actually quite like was that I managed it well, I didn't have to worry about being off work or losing money, I didn't have to feel guilty about leaving them with other people, and my frame of mind in general just got on with it and it was fine, even the sleepless nights were dealt with without too much stress.

So, bizarrely, a severe bout of chicken pox has actually made this new phase of time begin with a good positive start. If I can handle that and still remain happy and settled, then really, that has to be a good sign.

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want"

Ben Stein (American Actor, Lawyer, Writer, b.1944)

"Smile with the rising sun......"

"Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah"
Tis nearly the new year of 2012 people!! And I think, the time has come, to make it a good one.

"We weren't born to follow, come on and get up off your knees, when life is a bitter pill to swallow, you gotta hold on up to what you believe...Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow, and that your saints and sinners bleed, we weren't born to follow, you gotta stand up for what you believe"

For who else can make it a good one for us? We hold our own lives in our hands, and those of our children, and whilst many factors influence what happens, the ultimate decisions are down to us. For some of us, we may believe our lives are in God's hands, but personally for me it still all comes down to your own choices, God can only guide, not do for you.

I personally feel, that the next year, and many more to come, will be good ones. Because I, as a person, am stronger, and happier, and more able to not only support my own decisions, but also support my friends in making theirs. If we all help each other, then we stand strong - it is easy to knock down a few bricks, but a whole wall cemented together? That is pretty damn hard to do. So this year, if you want it to be a good one, if like me you are fed up of the bad ones, then stand together with your friends, your family, and control your own destiny. And then, whatever the year throws at you, it can never get through to your inner core, and that is what makes you you.

OH, AND, I have a camera again!!! And a netbook!!! So I can become more ever-present again in all your lives, and re-do my blog for the upcoming year, and you have to admit that will surely make the year more amazingly wonderful that it is already going to be ;)

Finding the Christmas Spirit......

It is my birthday tomorrow - I will be 29, shocking ;) - and then 2 sleeps until Christmas Day, and finally, finally, I am feeling Christmassy!!!

I don't know where this Christmas Spirit came from, or how it jumped upon me so unexpectedly,  but I am willing to overlook it's sneakiness and embrace it ;)

Maybe, maybe it's because I met a good friend for a coffee and saw her beautiful engagement ring and am so so so happy for her, and Adam said she will look like a princess on her wedding day because she is beautiful, awwww. 

Or maybe, it's because yesterday, a friend who I have only recently become properly back in contact with, was so kind to bring me milk and juice so I didn't have to break my promise to Adam about not leaving the house all day.

Or maybe, it's because another friend is being so kind as to take me shopping for my Christmas food tonight so that I don't have to get a bus or taxi, and another friend also offered to take me if my original plans fell through.

Or maybe, it's just because, just because of all of these things, these people, these friends.

This is from one of my favourite Christmas films, Nativity! A film about seeing the best in people, about following your heart, and about forgiveness and seeing the real meaning behind all of the glam and glitz of Christmas. About loving, and helping, and just seeing what life can be, if we can only make it so. Yes, do you know, this year has been hard, for so many people I know. But I think, we are all pulling ourselves out of it, and definitely for me it has only strengthened the ties I have with many people, deepened true friendships, and made me appreciate the "real" things in life.

When I originally started this blog, none of my aims for the year were to be rich, to own lots of things, or to do anything massively ludicrously expensive. Not because I was being sensible, but because I was being truthful and open, because mostly, it's the "real" things in life that make us happy. The people we share our lives with, the times we spend with them, and the ways in which we enrich our own lives by putting time and effort into ourselves. The next year is forecast to be hard, by the financial experts, by the media, by the government. But who are they to control our lives and our happiness? Of course we need enough money to live on, enough food to eat and fuel to keep us warm, keep a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. But the essence of our needs, the real need of people, is to be loved, to be "part" of something, in a community of people, and to feel like we are cared for, for who we truly are. And we can do that whatever the banks or newspapers or politicians say. If you do one thing in 2012, be yourself, "Sparkle and Shine", and show the world the reason that you are loved, because we all are loved by somebody xx.

And finally, because I am not sure I will get on again beforehand, seeing as tonight I need to clean up the glittery green playdough the children have left all over the table, hang the paperchains on the ceiling, wrap all the presents, do my Christmas food shop, and start the process of making yummy sticky sausages for my birthday tea tomorrow........................I'd just like to say...............

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Learning to dance in the rain

It's been a long time since I've posted. I'm sorry about that...................well really I'm not :P I'm been kinda busy, and everytime I've thought to sit down and post, it's just not happened, I've found something else I've needed to do. It has, admittedly, been a rough couple of months. I'm not 100% sure why, if I'm honest. I think I've felt at another crossroads, yet again, and to be honest, it felt like one crossroads too many. Like, you know, why can't my life just settle down for a while, what's with all the decision-making having to happen all the time? But I'm a parent, that's my job. I'm not just responsible for my life, I'm responsible for 2 other peoples aswell, and every single thing I do, say, think about, it impacts on them and affects the people they will grow up to be. Sometimes, in the past few months, I have cried. Sometimes I have laughed. Sometimes I've just sat and not moved. Everything has felt rather overwhelming quite a lot of the time. But I've got on with it, who else is going to do it? And now, finally, I feel like things are coming together, like life is possible again.

It has been, almost exactly a year, since I was ill. Where I am now is a lifetime away from where I was this time last year. And Christmas, well Christmas is around the corner. And my birthday, naturally :D I will be 29, the last year of my twenties. I'm not bothered about getting older, it genuinely doesn't concern me. In many ways I like it, becoming more secure and happy about who I really am, and knowing that the friendships I still have are real and meaningful ones. But I do feel that I need to celebrate this last year in some way. And I'm going to do it by having a fab Christmas. I have not had a great Christmas since, well, I can't even remember when. 2010 I was having a breakdown and then Jessica and I got the flu. 2009 Adam was sick. 2008 I was pregnant, and Adam was sick. 2007 we were under threat of Ofsted at work, trying to buy a house, packing up the flat, and Adam was sick (and 2 weeks later we got Ofsted and Paul had his major car accident). 2006, Adam was really sick as it was when all his kidney reflux came out to play. 2005, Adam was really sick, with a "virus" similiar to measles, and I was snowed under with college work. 2004, I was snowed under with college work, Adam's biological father decided he didn't want to see him at Christmas or actually ever again. And Adam was, shock horror, sick. 2003, Adam had bacterial septicaemia meningitis. 2002, I was pregnant, single, unemployed and didn't know what to do. 2001, I had an engagement ring thrown at me with words similiar to "I was going to ask you to get engaged but now I think I like *other girls name* so I need to think for the next couple of weeks, but I've got nothing else to give you so why don't you just put it on another finger for a bit while I decide"

 So this year, is 2011. And this year, I have planned Christmas out already. I have no big expectations. I have planned, to the finest detail, a chilled out, quiet, friends and family Christmas. And it is my Birthday. I will be 29. The last year of my 20s. And it will be good, and fabulous, because I am with my friends, and family. We may not have a lot of money, we may not have a lot of *stuff*. But we are happy, we are together, and that is all that matters. There are many people out there who do not have what I have, they do not have somewhere to live,  food to eat, their children with them. I need to count my blessings, and believe me I do. Oh yes I do.

I am sat here, worrying, that I have lost £108 out of my wage this month. And trying to work out a budget to  feed us for a month and still enable us to have Christmas food, take the kids to see Father Christmas, and buy the few pressies I still need to get. But do you know what, what is the worst that could happen to me? I have family, I have friends, who are there to help me. I live in England, we all complain about it but we have the benefits system, we have the housing system, we have hostels and free medical care. If I lived in another country, the worst that could happen is that I could be homeless with my children and be unable to feed them, or myself, and we wouldn't be able to access the medical care we needed. That is a lot lot worse than anything I have to face. And that, is an important thing to remember. Always be grateful for what you DO have, not what you don't. Make the most of what you have, instead of wasting your life away wishing for things that are not there.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain"

Times They Are Changing

It's time to get back to the original purpose of this blog. Now is the time.
I can't quite get myself to go back to the diary, as much as I love it and love the lists, it is somewhere that I needed to be at the time, something I needed to do to get me going, kick-start me. But to go back to doing it now would be too prescribed, too structured, I think I've moved beyond that phase.

Let's refocus on The List Of The Year :D

The children have been on adventures, we have been camping and they loved it - well I'm not sure that Uncle Stuart loved driving around for an hour in the car getting Jessica to sleep on the first night but it's all a learning curve ;) We have moved house twice in the year, which is an adventure in itself, and have re-started Salvation Army attending. Now it's Autumn we can go for crispy walks in the woods and wander along the canal all wrapped up snug and warm with the promise of hot chocolate and warm cookies on our return.

I do believe I am getting better at photos. I am smiling more, letting it be about the moment, and not stressing *too* much. The only problem I have is when you're stood there smiling and there is a massive delay on the camera and your smile starts to feel fake and you feel like a clown. I'm still working on that one.

I went to Bingley Music, spent most of the time in the kids area - which was absolutely fantabulously amazing - but did go down to the music field for a bit and Adam actually loved just standing there for a bit, so next year I think we may try to do it on a more organised scale with more people, blankets, etc. Jessica should be that bit older to make it more do-able anyway. Adam's highlight of the day was seeing "The Teenagers!!!!" from the army, bless him.

I think I'm learning to like myself, I'm sticking up for myself more anyway, it's a work in progress. I'm definitely happier now that I've got my keyboard adaptor working, and have managed to find a tenor horn to loan. I feel I can get back to my self that way. I'm not the greatest piano player in the world to be fair. I can do two hands and I can do my scales, but my fingering is quite often pretty poor and I can never do all the chords and extra bits. Hopefully I play with expression and that makes up for the bad technical skills! So that covers my aim to re-learn the piano. The Tenor Horn is a different story. Well it used to be. I can play that, it's my instrument and I'm good. Many people play it as a poor second to a cornet, there are too many cornets in the band already, or they can't reach the top notes so get "downgraded". Not me, I love the tenor horn. I did start on the cornet, as most learners do, and yes I struggled with the high notes. But when I moved to the tenor horn I fell in love. It's my favourite instrument in the world and it even looks good. It's less pushy than the cornet, it's not there at the front saying look at me look at me. But it's there, it's sound is there in the very centre of the band, and quite often with lovely haunting solos just coming out of nowhere. I just hope I can still play after all this time. I sat in the living room last night with my fingers in the air and seemed to remember the fingering of all the notes, just like riding a bike, so fingers crossed.

I still can't dance, and really I think that's on a back-burner. Not everyone dances, some people prefer to be on the sides with the music. Maybe that's part of who I am, and do I really need to change that? I'm not sure.

My  friends I am talking to more. And some old friends I am definitely talking to more. And some even older friends I am talking about important things with, sharing and overcoming past issues. You can't get any more real than that. I have lost a friend or two, but the ties with others have become stronger. And that is what counts. One of my friend's mums said to me, you can't stay friends with everyone you have to do what's best for you, as long as you don't go around purposefully hurting people then that's all you can do.

I haven't been looking on the bright side. My blogs have been rather dark, and I've been slipping, I know that. But this is start-over day. This is the bright side peeking out and making itself known again.

I am laughing more. I laugh with James, mainly. He just can't help himself. I laugh at work, and I laugh with the children, and I laugh with friends. Lightening up is the order of the day.

My house is getting there. I have let it slip slightly in the past week or two but it was tidy enough for me to do that without it causing absolute chaos. I am aiming for Christmas, by Christmas it will be beautiful. This Christmas IS going to be a good one, I know it, and will make it so.

Organising my photos and making memory books and finishing Isaac's birth sampler have all been on a back-burner. I needed to get my head together first, and learn how to relax and let myself have me time again. I seem to never sit down, sit still, or just be. Hopefully I am getting to a place where I can start doing that again, and then, when I am there, they can be brought to the fore once again.

Eating properly and toning up have been a challenge. I was eating properly but then with everything that's happened in the past couple of weeks I just kept forgetting. But I'm trying, I really am, and that is all I can do. I have James here making me food and reminding me to eat, so fingers crossed it will all work out ok. And I will get back on the Wii Fit one day, as with the photos and cross-stitch it has been waiting for me to allow time to myself first. I was going to join Zumba but I've decided it's just too far outside my comfort zone to work, and also I want to go to band practice again which is on the same night. And will definitely enhance my life far more than Zumba. I know myself better these days, and that is a definitely correct choice.

The cinema is a story in itself. I haven't been every month, and not for a while, but I have been more than I used to and I have seen films I would never have thought of seeing. I saw Thor and Captain America and actually enjoyed them, so will be going back more often and trusting in other people to choose good films. As long as there's nothing scary in them. I still always remember when an ex took me to see "Resident Evil". He knew I was terrified of zombies, and because I am a completely naive person to computer games I didn't have a clue what it was about. I couldn't sleep for weeks afterwards, even now thinking about the storyline can make me lie in the centre of the bed with my eyes wide open. So, I complained to my ex before him about this. And he told me how bad this was, how he can't believe he did that. And then, he took me to the cinema. To see 28 Days Later. REALLY?! Now I research all films thoroughly for even the slightest mention of zombies, undeadness, viruses, before getting anywhere near the cinema building. I am open to different genres, but NOT THOSE!!!

So now I am going, as I have a 2 year old yelling at me from the living room for "BEEEBIES MAMA MORE BEEEBIES!!!" And we need to get dressed and get to the army. But I'll leave you with this final bit of wisdom..................

Just a Little Moment

Last night, I got caught in the thunderstorm. Walking through the back streets of Bradford, with rain dripping down our faces and the flashes lighting up the skies, counting the gap between the lightning and thunder, and wearing only a thin cardigan and open ballerina shoes. And as we walked, and laughed, and counted, this is the song came into my head

It is not the big things, it is not the holidays and big nights out and house warmings and music festivals and birthdays. It is the small things, it is walking in the storm, it is making up a triop kit, it is eating cheesecake on the same day as shedloads of other people just because some dude on facebook created an event telling everybody to, it is playing Star Wars Guess Who and trying to figure out whether my character is on the Jedi Council or not, and most of all, it is being with the people you love and loving yourself being with them.

Make the most of the moments, because that is what life is made of. I'm hoping to have a bunch of them this summer, and for many years to come.

A Flower Can't Be Beautiful Without A Little Rain

I have come to the decision, that I am actually quite please about moving house. It has come at a good time. The house I am in now, was perfect at the time. But it's like I have been in hibernation, a cocoon, and now it is time to step out. I needed somewhere to recover, rebuild, and start over. But now it's time to truly start over, and my new house is perfect for that. It is still near enough my mum's and school so as to keep my life uncomplicated. But it is also nearer many of my friends, or at least on an easier route of access. It is on the same street as Adam's best friend. It is next to a great park and nearer to the canal and Roberts Park, for more chilled out summer days. I can wander into Saltaire on the weekends and pick up my shopping, and have a potter around the shops. Those are my kind of shops, small and interesting and personal. The house, is more my kind of house. The room is cosy and snug, and the kitchen is big enough for a decent size family table for us to eat, and make, and work, and basically live on! The garden is an exploring garden, yet still secure and with flat areas for seating and play. The landlord seems to be lovely and actually gets things done. I am getting quite excited, it's a whole new way of life and is totally fitting for the place my life is at right now.
It is important, to look at things in a positive light. I was devastated about moving at first, but now I can see that it is actually opening up many new doors and opportunities. I have always wanted Adam to have somebody he could run out the door and go play with, and now he has. I have always wanted to be able to have a decent size kitchen with space for a proper table, and now I have. I have always wanted to be near somewhere with interesting and useful little shops and nice cafes, and now I will be.
These past few weeks have been a struggle that I had to get through, and now I feel ready and able to truly move on. I know what true happiness really is. It is being loved and accepted for who you really are. And I am at my new job, I am at the Salvation Army, I am by my lovely supportive friends who live local, I am by my lovely supportive BC friends who are spread far and wide, I am by my family, and I am especially by James. Right now, I am living my real life, the life of me, Dawn Martin. It is not all sweetness and light, there are dark patches and many grey times. But it is real and true and that is what matters.

"I could sing you a tune and promise you the moon, but if that's what it takes to hold you then I'd just as soon as let you go" - Love me for me, or don't even bother.

This song, is real. Life is not always that great, and I am not one of those people who can be all sunny and light all the time, and find the bright side in everything. I try, but sometimes I think it's inappropriate to find a bright side. Sometimes there isn't a bright side. And sometimes those people can be kind of irritating, they make you feel rubbish for not always being so happy and jolly about everything. A good quote going around facebook is "You should never apologise for how you feel, it's like saying sorry for being real".
But, if you accept me for who I am, then yes, we can enjoy the good times when they happen, and make the bad times bearable and struggle through them together. Life is never going to be all rose gardens and sugar sprinkles, but it's the only life we get, and sitting around complaining about the hand we've been dealt is never going to change anything.
Being yourself and being completely honest and pretty much baring your soul is pretty scary. But it sure as anything feels good to know that somebody knows every single little thing about you and is still around. It's a scary thing to do and it can mean some friendships don't make it. But the ones that do, they are real, and when you feel so incredibly secure in your friendships and your relationships, that, is when you can be really happy with your life, whatever it throws at you next.

And these, are my two little superheroes, defending their right to be eccentric little character-full people x.

"I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above....."

I have just seen this poster in a magazine. And it sums up what I have been trying to do these past few months. I want it for my new house, I am definitely ordering it as soon as I move in :)

"LIFE ISN'T
ABOUT
WAITING
FOR THE
STORM TO
PASS IT IS
ABOUT
LEARNING
TO DANCE
IN THE RAIN"

Last night I was tired so I went to bed. Meaning I woke up to a complete shambles of a house and no pack lunches made etc. Luckily the children slept in so I made them then got them up, dressed and straight out the door - Nana's for breakfast this morning. Last night I couldn't seem to get myself into gear. I thought that I would regret that today. But instead, I woke up in an optimistic "start-over" style mood. This evening, I have cleaned all the kitchen and done 3 lots of washing up. Made tea for me and the kids. Cleaned the living room, sorted out washing to send to their Dad's and my Mum's, and put all the clean laundry away. Cleaned all my bedroom, packed everything that I won't need before I move, sorted everything out I'm getting rid of, taken photos of things I can possibly sell, bagged up everything for charity, and vacuumed the carpet. I am pretty awesome, really.
I've rung the estate agent and confirmed my sign-up/move date, and found out the totally great news that workmen are in all this week sorting every single little problem out. I've made a list of house-moving things to do and sort, and done some already, and to be honest don't majorly feel that stressed, which is weird but there we go!! Although could do with boxes, if anyone has any going spare!!
I've also found a totally awesome wagon for the festival, and some ultra-cool ear defenders, so that is also on target :D
Jessica was ill this weekend, we had to take her to a&e Sunday morning at 6am. Bad timing, wouldn't recommend it, they're wading through all the paperwork from the Saturday night idiots. But anyway, it was ok, apart from being stood behind a bloke who'd had a sore throat for 4 weeks. And I caught the signs early enough that she is getting better already, rather than being in hospital for a week like she was last time. So as much as October was pretty tough, obviously something very important was learned and made use of.
Sometimes things are pretty tough, and somebody standing there saying "you've just got to make the best of it", makes you want to smack them over the head with a frying pan. But, when you calm down, it's kinda true. If you truly live through whatever is going on, not just exist and hope it passes, but truly live and experience it, then you do become a stronger and richer person, and life will never be able to make you feel that hopeless ever again. Take back your power and control over your life, don't let it control you. I'm not happier because I've changed who I am. I'm happier because I'm being who I am. And when you take control of a really rubbish situation, or moment, the feeling of achievement is ten thousand times higher than when you do it from an easy starting position. I would definitely recommend trying it.

Looking back on April.....(And the 1st of May).........

A lot has happened this month. And a lot of that has happened during the Easter holidays. It feels like a lifetime since I was at work, although I know that once I am back there tomorrow it will feel as though I was never away. Time is funny like that. I said I wouldn't include Jessica's "friends" party in April as it was on the 1st of May, but I feel it fits in better with April so that's where I'm going to slot it.
We found out Jessica is allergic cats, need to update her nursery form with that one tomorrow. She is starting nursery with me tomorrow, so hopefully will put her good face on and all that hahahaha. We've had Jessica's birthday celebrations, which from start to finish were really great and really made a fab ending to the holidays. She pretended to be shy everytime she was sang Happy Birthday to, but by the third party she got the hang of opening presents, think she was rather bemused this afternoon to find no party waiting for her when she woke from her nap. She looked longingly at the empty bun stand this morning, think that will definitely be a prerequisite for any kind of gathering from now on. And my freezer and fridge, and kitchen worktops, are fully stocked and will feed us for the month!
I made my relationship with James "official", and bless his cotton socks, Adam said to me on the day of Jessica's garden party "Mummy, if you would only go out with somebody that me and Jessica liked, does that mean if James wanted to go out with you he would ask me first?" So, that was James heading off for a private conversation with Adam when he arrived on Sunday, and then me being summoned by Adam "Mummy, I've got to tell you a secret, come on!! James wants to ask you out!" And I was summarily told that he had given him permission, and really, I had to say yes. So, dutifully, I did. And there we have it, the children are happy, what more can I say.
We London adventured, house searched and organised (and now I really can't find where I put Adam's Beaver folder, hmm), toy shopped, and garden partied our way through April, and came out the other side a happy secure little family, surrounded by lots of fabulous friends and with many things to look forward to.
As for the April List?
We didn't play tiddlywinks, must work on that one. I did stay out extremely late, ill-advisedly on the eve of Jessica's garden party lol, but hey, fun was had by all and I don't regret it for a second. I sang in the shower, but I hope the neighbours didn't hear because my singing voice is truly bad, and not only did I jump in puddles, I splashed and ran and slipped in them whilst caught in a thunder storm on the way back to the hotel in London - Flipflops were worn, but are now considered to be inappropriate attire for rain due to the slippage factor whilst trying to run with a pram!
I think, I have been very spontaneous this month, and I don't care to limit it to Tuesdays, so there. Ha. I haven't attempted a world record, as far as I know, but maybe Adam might have with the amount of outfit changes he had at the party on Sunday.
And I tend to call or see my mum extremely often, especially with my washing machine being broken, so I think that's something that doesn't really need working on.
Oh, and be lovely. Well, obviously, that was easy ;)
Number 11 and 12, I worked on these, and I think I'm getting better at them. We'll see how it goes.

Here are some this month's best moments:

Adam has a cap, I want a cap

Plaits!!

Picking all the dandelions, whilst mummy had a well deserved cuppa

The instructions for THAT car.

The parts for THAT car.

And THAT smile, made THAT car, worth all the effort :)

London adventures :)

Jessica the cool London tourist

I just love this pic

Caught in a thunderstorm....get her out or take a pic? Hmmmm.

Return visit to the War Museum

EASTER!!!! CHOCOLATE!!!!

We went to see Isaac on the day of 'The Wedding' and gave him a truly British look

Jessica's present from Nana + Grandad

It's my birthday and aren't I cute :)

It's my cake, I will eat it how I like.

Yummy buns

3 on 1, yep, that's fair hahahaha

That's what you do, open the first pressie, it's a chair, sit in it to open the rest :)

I loved this month. It was fab. Enough said.

Just To Be Is The Best Of Times

This is how I feel right now. Sat at my laptop, coffee in hand, sun streaming in through the window, reading all Jessica's birthday messages and waiting for my sis to arrive.

I can't really explain it. I just feel at peace, at one, and happy. I feel settled, even though I am moving house in 5 weeks I no longer feel stressed. My house is tidy, my kitchen is covered in food which is what a kitchen is meant to look like in my family the day before a party. We have a habit of not being able to under-cater. I am going out today with my sis and her fella to look at tents and camping things, and buy charcoal and garden toys, and I feel like this is what my life is supposed to be like. No pretence, no being somebody I am not. Unfussed and fun and lots of good times with friends and family, an open house to the kid next door, and far too many people squeezed in my tiny kitchen. Tonight I am cinema bound with James and a couple of his friends (eek!), tomorrow we are Army-bound and then it's a fab afternoon in the garden (fingers cross for the good weather!) with lots of great people, and next week we are all back to work and school but Adam loves school and my work is fab and Jessica is coming with me, and then I have a joint birthday meal next week for two of my closest friends who are totally brilliant people and have given me lots of support in the past months despite all their own problems and busy lives.
Have faith, jump off into the blue. The waters are fine.