Plums From A Stranger

So, I have been very absent because we have been to DisneyLand Paris and we are moving house in TWO SLEEPS and I was ill. I am most likely going to continue being rather absent as we won't have an internet connection for a couple of weeks and I need to unpack the house and make it all lovely and "family home-ness".

Almost every night I have thought of things I could blog about, and many times I have almost picked up my phone and started writing, but stopped as I just needed sleep and I knew that if I started writing I wouldn't stop, and then as the days went by I just couldn't decide which thing to write about as so much as happened. I needed a break, and sleep. I had a virus last week which was, I think, a very mild stomach virus but my body decided that actually it was pretty tired and couldn't cope with a mild stomach virus very well so would just stop working for a couple of days and make me stay in bed. I was slightly ill Tuesday, woke up Wednesday morning feeling better, walked down the stairs and promptly passed out on the kitchen floor, giving myself a stupid burn/graze above my left eyebrow in the process. I was shipped back off to bed and the children were whisked away from me for most of the next couple of days, with the GP instructing me over the phone that bed rest and much fluids were needed so I did as I was told for once. At the weekend I ventured into Shipley with Toby and smiled at a lady at the bus stop because I had thought she was tucking into a chocolate bun then realised it was a plum and smiled at myself really for being daft. The lady then, bless her, decided that I needed her plums because I looked tired. I managed to persuade her I had lots of fruit at home (I didn't want to take the bag of plums she had just bought for herself?!) but she did insist I had one plum to eat on the way home because I had the little baby to feed and look after. I didn't tell her I had two more in case she changed her mind and tried to give me them all again! But it was a lovely gesture and the plum was very nice, and I find it refreshing when people are still just "generally nice" to each other these days, when there are so many reports in the news of negative events concerning friends and family let alone strangers. I don't want my children to be easily trusting of others, but I also don't want them to be automatically mistrustful, and scared to talk to anybody. Having a chat with a stranger at a bus stop can be an interesting 5 minutes, a break from a busy day, and can often give you another perspective on things. It is always good to have an open mind.

So, I apologise for not telling you all the interesting things that have happened this month and not sharing our amazing time in DisneyLand Paris yet. I'm sure I will get around to blogging about how Jessica's favourite spot was the Dragon's Lair and Adam's was all the caves and tunnels in Adventure Land, how amazing it was to see the looks on their faces when the light show came on and the concern Adam showed for his sister when she fell asleep just before it started and he thought she would miss it (she woke up as it started and stayed awake all the way through so no worries). One day I am bound to reminisce about Jessica having a fringe cut in her hair for the first time and, upon looking in the mirror, announcing seriously "Well I'll have to change my name now!" There was also Toby's first roll onto his side, his amazing little smiles and gurgles, the way he was a superstar on holiday despite not usually liking too many days out in a row, and his really ace new brand of cloth nappies that I absolutely love and want some more of. We have had many "made up off the top of my head to use up the contents of the kitchen" teas, all of which have been surprisingly successful and some that have made our "main go-to list" which will help with saving some money in the coming months. There will be further news of Adam's first foray into music with Cornet lessons, which apparently are going great, and he actually walked to school with a friend, with me very far behind (carrying a scooter, a Jessica, and pushing a pram with a Toby in it), and happily got there all by himself, so his confidence levels are having a surge it would seem.

But for now, I am signing off, because I have a really exciting few days ahead, with a real family home to be created and I want to focus on life, right now, as it happens. Sometimes I miss facebook and my friends on there, but the positive changes in my life I feel are worth it and I can't see myself going back anytime soon.

...and from Limbo we enter Chaos

So the last week has been rather crazy. We have been in limbo for a while now, waiting to move, waiting for Jessica's birthday, waiting for Cub Camp, waiting for Disneyland, and now suddenly they are all upon us.
Jessica had a fabulous birthday party, with much help from Julie, Rachel and my Mum. Toby happily played whilst it was all set up, wanted feeding 10 minutes before it started, sat with my Mum for the whole afternoon and wanted feeding just after it finished - perfect baby or what?? All of the children were lovely and it was a fun and thoroughly enjoyed by all afternoon. I can't post any pictures as they all have other people's children on, and I know for a fact that three of the children there can't have their pictures on the internet and wouldn't dream of putting the other children on without their parent's permission anyway. But I can share a picture of the Treasure Map Cake I did at the last minute when Jessica suddenly decided two days before her party that she would quite like one of those.

Not bad I don't think - Jessica loved it so that is all that matters :D
We had telescope making, dancing, Pirate Pete says, dancing, musical bumps, dancing, Guess where the X should go on the map, dancing, colouring sheets, dancing, pass the parcel, dancing, a crazy 5 minute "CANNONBALL FIGHT!!!" with plastic ball pool balls and side-turned tables complete with table-cloth covered legs for good old fashioned health & safety (rather than just banning it outright like all these politically correct people would have you do these days :P) and then a "WALK THE PLANK!!!" to the food tables with cannonball cheese crisps + grapes, cheese on swords, jelly boats and pirate topped buns amongst other yummy offerings. The party bags were given out simply containing chocolate coins, freaky fish, a "Pirate ............'s Room" colouring sheet (free printable online) and a sheet of pirate stickers, and many thankyous were said by all. It was a fantastic party to say that a good amount of the children were only just 3 or under and I was really impressed.

So now on to the next happening which is Cub Camp, Adam took all his bed kit tonight and made his bed roll, luckily I had remembered to sew his Diamond Jubilee badge onto his camp blanket so I am in the good books. The rest of his kit needs packing up tomorrow, fingers crossed James is picking up his new walking boots from the sorting office tomorrow and we have everything he needs. He comes back at lunchtime on Monday and we are setting off at lunchtime on Tuesday so a quick laundry turn-around, possibly borrowing Nana's dryer, may be needed on Monday afternoon!! Although if he is the same as he was on Big Camp last year he will come home with a bag full of clean clothes, wearing his thermals and the same set of clothes he went in because "you have to get up early for breakfast and it was too cold to keep getting changed". So, uhm, a bath/shower at Nana's may be needed Monday afternoon actually, if we have to be all sat in the same car for hours on Tuesday afternoon.......

Talking not-so-good odours, we have car sickness tablets and sea-bands for Jessica to try out, and I am just about to search google for trips on what to pack for kids with a tendency to throw up on car journeys. Wish us luck!! I am also creating some travel activity bags for the kids, using and adapting some fab activity ideas I have found on pinterest. I got 2 velcro pads with attached ball (put away for future use) for only £1.69 today and created a figure play set each, and with amazing timing my Aunty got Jessica some magnets with a two-sided magnetic play scene so we have taken all of her magnets off the fridge and created another activity set for her.

Adam will no doubt be enacting a mini World War II, whilst Jessica can continue her bizarre obsession with Cut the Rope figurines.

Forever Friends set, with added Peppa Pig, Dora and Barney magnets, the other side is a garden party scene.

I have bought some dry eraser 'crayons' by Crayola that need no caps, some lollipop sticks, and will be working on a few ideas I have up my sleeve over the next few days.

So we are food listing, packing listing and car journey listing tonight, with a good sprinkling of tidying and getting everything ready for the morning so I can hopefully repeat last Thursday's success in getting all three children out of the house and Adam at school on time. Then in the afternoon it is time for new Jessica car seat shopping, looking for something that is relatively simple to clean in the likely event of it being covered in sick, oh joy. We will be mostly shopping and packing over the next few days, ready for our exciting trip to Disneyland Paris yippee!!! Then when we get back, only 2 weeks until move date so the packing can begin in earnest, double yippee!!

I am feeling a lot more positive, although having many meltdowns in the midst of all this as this house is just far too crowded and small things become big things in that kind of situation for all of us, except Toby who remains happy and chilled regardless, bless his little soul. I am sure, somehow, he has been sent to restore peace to our little family unit. He is definitely here for a reason.

Times They Are Changing

It's time to get back to the original purpose of this blog. Now is the time.
I can't quite get myself to go back to the diary, as much as I love it and love the lists, it is somewhere that I needed to be at the time, something I needed to do to get me going, kick-start me. But to go back to doing it now would be too prescribed, too structured, I think I've moved beyond that phase.

Let's refocus on The List Of The Year :D

The children have been on adventures, we have been camping and they loved it - well I'm not sure that Uncle Stuart loved driving around for an hour in the car getting Jessica to sleep on the first night but it's all a learning curve ;) We have moved house twice in the year, which is an adventure in itself, and have re-started Salvation Army attending. Now it's Autumn we can go for crispy walks in the woods and wander along the canal all wrapped up snug and warm with the promise of hot chocolate and warm cookies on our return.

I do believe I am getting better at photos. I am smiling more, letting it be about the moment, and not stressing *too* much. The only problem I have is when you're stood there smiling and there is a massive delay on the camera and your smile starts to feel fake and you feel like a clown. I'm still working on that one.

I went to Bingley Music, spent most of the time in the kids area - which was absolutely fantabulously amazing - but did go down to the music field for a bit and Adam actually loved just standing there for a bit, so next year I think we may try to do it on a more organised scale with more people, blankets, etc. Jessica should be that bit older to make it more do-able anyway. Adam's highlight of the day was seeing "The Teenagers!!!!" from the army, bless him.

I think I'm learning to like myself, I'm sticking up for myself more anyway, it's a work in progress. I'm definitely happier now that I've got my keyboard adaptor working, and have managed to find a tenor horn to loan. I feel I can get back to my self that way. I'm not the greatest piano player in the world to be fair. I can do two hands and I can do my scales, but my fingering is quite often pretty poor and I can never do all the chords and extra bits. Hopefully I play with expression and that makes up for the bad technical skills! So that covers my aim to re-learn the piano. The Tenor Horn is a different story. Well it used to be. I can play that, it's my instrument and I'm good. Many people play it as a poor second to a cornet, there are too many cornets in the band already, or they can't reach the top notes so get "downgraded". Not me, I love the tenor horn. I did start on the cornet, as most learners do, and yes I struggled with the high notes. But when I moved to the tenor horn I fell in love. It's my favourite instrument in the world and it even looks good. It's less pushy than the cornet, it's not there at the front saying look at me look at me. But it's there, it's sound is there in the very centre of the band, and quite often with lovely haunting solos just coming out of nowhere. I just hope I can still play after all this time. I sat in the living room last night with my fingers in the air and seemed to remember the fingering of all the notes, just like riding a bike, so fingers crossed.

I still can't dance, and really I think that's on a back-burner. Not everyone dances, some people prefer to be on the sides with the music. Maybe that's part of who I am, and do I really need to change that? I'm not sure.

My  friends I am talking to more. And some old friends I am definitely talking to more. And some even older friends I am talking about important things with, sharing and overcoming past issues. You can't get any more real than that. I have lost a friend or two, but the ties with others have become stronger. And that is what counts. One of my friend's mums said to me, you can't stay friends with everyone you have to do what's best for you, as long as you don't go around purposefully hurting people then that's all you can do.

I haven't been looking on the bright side. My blogs have been rather dark, and I've been slipping, I know that. But this is start-over day. This is the bright side peeking out and making itself known again.

I am laughing more. I laugh with James, mainly. He just can't help himself. I laugh at work, and I laugh with the children, and I laugh with friends. Lightening up is the order of the day.

My house is getting there. I have let it slip slightly in the past week or two but it was tidy enough for me to do that without it causing absolute chaos. I am aiming for Christmas, by Christmas it will be beautiful. This Christmas IS going to be a good one, I know it, and will make it so.

Organising my photos and making memory books and finishing Isaac's birth sampler have all been on a back-burner. I needed to get my head together first, and learn how to relax and let myself have me time again. I seem to never sit down, sit still, or just be. Hopefully I am getting to a place where I can start doing that again, and then, when I am there, they can be brought to the fore once again.

Eating properly and toning up have been a challenge. I was eating properly but then with everything that's happened in the past couple of weeks I just kept forgetting. But I'm trying, I really am, and that is all I can do. I have James here making me food and reminding me to eat, so fingers crossed it will all work out ok. And I will get back on the Wii Fit one day, as with the photos and cross-stitch it has been waiting for me to allow time to myself first. I was going to join Zumba but I've decided it's just too far outside my comfort zone to work, and also I want to go to band practice again which is on the same night. And will definitely enhance my life far more than Zumba. I know myself better these days, and that is a definitely correct choice.

The cinema is a story in itself. I haven't been every month, and not for a while, but I have been more than I used to and I have seen films I would never have thought of seeing. I saw Thor and Captain America and actually enjoyed them, so will be going back more often and trusting in other people to choose good films. As long as there's nothing scary in them. I still always remember when an ex took me to see "Resident Evil". He knew I was terrified of zombies, and because I am a completely naive person to computer games I didn't have a clue what it was about. I couldn't sleep for weeks afterwards, even now thinking about the storyline can make me lie in the centre of the bed with my eyes wide open. So, I complained to my ex before him about this. And he told me how bad this was, how he can't believe he did that. And then, he took me to the cinema. To see 28 Days Later. REALLY?! Now I research all films thoroughly for even the slightest mention of zombies, undeadness, viruses, before getting anywhere near the cinema building. I am open to different genres, but NOT THOSE!!!

So now I am going, as I have a 2 year old yelling at me from the living room for "BEEEBIES MAMA MORE BEEEBIES!!!" And we need to get dressed and get to the army. But I'll leave you with this final bit of wisdom..................

It's all going on........:D

Ah, I have spent half the night on the Tube website planning our trip to London next week. Thanks to a suggestion from a lovely April BB lady I have discovered the Transport Museum so will be headed there, along with trips to the Natural History and Science Museum, a looooooooong walk around Hamley's, and of course, let's not forget "WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE IMPERIAL WAR MUSEUM, OBVIOUSLY MUMMY!" Duh, there was me thinking we went there last year and he'd not mentioned World War 2 for a while. Ah well, least Jess might see a bit this time, she slept through most of it last year lol.
So now I am all excited, have also planned most of the rest of the holidays out, have a few spare days weather permitting we might go to Lister Park + funfair next Wednesday or Thursday if anybody fancies it (potentially Thursday in the hope of wearing them out for the train ride Thursday evening :D). I have bought Jessica's birthday presents with my mum last night, apparently I should've bought either the car OR the kitchen, but hey they're only young once, be right ;p Haven't bought Adam's present to her yet either, oops.
Recently, I feel my whole life has been taken over by Tesco. I work near Tesco, and everybody shops there because it's the only supermarket nearby. The children wear loads of Tesco clothes, we have snack from Tesco, and when the new children ask where their parents are we say they've gone to Tesco to buy milk and will be back soon. If one of the owners has nipped out, the children usually say "Gone to Tesco?" Then, you know, the new relationship I sort of mentioned, well he works at another Tesco. And then I ordered my garden table and chairs, and only place I could get them from - Tesco Direct. My friend says "My mum's moved to Great Horton", I say "Oooh where I work there", she says "Just round the corner from that big Tesco". TESCO TESCO TESCO hahahahahahaha, and to think I've not been in the place for years prior to this. Anyway, so tonight I decided to buy tea in Bradford on the way home, I'd missed the bus to town so I thought, you know what, might aswell go to Tesco for food then can just go straight home. So, as mentioned on Facebook, I went over to the dark side, and entered Tesco. Had a wander around, bought a garlic crusher that I've been forgetting to buy for a month, and then, accidently bumped into the childrenswear department. Wow, it is actually not bad!!! Hello Kitty knickers for Jessica (she is liable to potty-train soon, a whole year earlier than Adam did!), a Transformers hat for Adam. Plus countless other items including StarWars + Sonic tshirts for half the price last years cost me at Next. Luckily, both children actually need new clothes, having decided to grow out of virtually everything, including shoes + coats, at exactly the same time as each other. So, might actually go back again sometime, definitely a better selection than Asda, which is pretty much Winnie-the-pooh, tigger, or pink, and stripes + skulls for boys. The toy selection was awesome too, but I resisted. Because, well, I think I won't be able to resist letting them choose something from Hamleys. So NO toys until then.
Tonight, I have planned out all our Easter holidays. I am sorting all their clothes out tonight, going shopping for new clothes for me tomorrow and the remainder of their's on Monday whilst they are with me. I am feeling really organised and upbeat and like everything is finally falling into place and coming together. I have lots of things to look forward to in the next month, with birthdays and parties and trips away, and just some quality chilling out time at home.
To that end, I'm going to post one of my favourite ever songs on here. It is, obviously, written by Bon Jovi. And, well, it just has been one of those songs that seems to crop up often for me, when things are changing around. Right now, I think it is more apt than ever.

Tomorrow, I am going shopping to buy some clothes for me, for just when I want to be me. Not going out clothes or work clothes, just me clothes. And then I am going to spend two weeks with some of my favourite people in the world, and then I am going back to work and taking Jessica with me and I know she will love it, and I will love really getting back into work mode as we are getting busier. And then, well who knows, but some pretty good things are lined up, a birthday meal out and a silver anniversary party and a long weekend, and spring bank holidays, and a music festival, and a long summer holiday in the garden, and well just lots and lots of simple good times with simple good people, and yes, it's just life, life is happening and yes it is looking good xx.

Snowy Road Trip Day!!!!

I am off on a snowy road trip with a loaded car, 2 kids, Aunty Katy and Uncle Justin!!!! I annoyingly have just taken a picture of me in the snow but have packed my camera lead so will have to upload it when I get back :(

Have a fun half-term, and don't miss me too much!!!