"Make New Friends And Keep The Old, One Is Silver The Other Gold"

I can't sleep. I had chinese takeaway food. I forgot this makes me not sleep. So I got up to drink lots of juice in the hope of rehydrating my body and possibly getting a couple of hours sleep before I need to get up again. This week I decided, as I don't have my children, to get ever so slightly involved in MAD week at Shipley Salvation Army, where I have started attending again. MAD = Make A Difference. They do lots of things in the community, and a kids club and cafe at the hall, and basically just try and make a difference I guess. And what I have written there will not do it justice at all, they've been doing it 6 years and do shedloads, but I'm no expert on the matter so can't really give you any more details without possibly getting something wrong. I think they try to show people that church doesn't just mean "at church", it can be out there in 'real life' too, or even better it can become 'real life'. I am tentatively getting involved, quite often when I am there on Sundays I feel like an untamed foal, ready to bolt at a moments notice. I think they may have noticed this, they are also quite tentative with me. I *want* to become involved, I really do. But then, I also have this issue with getting too attached to things, to people, to communities, to letting my walls down and then something happens and they have to be rebuilt all over again, but with more broken bricks than the last time. And then it's too late I've come to rely on that support, that friendship, that community, and well.... I struggle without it. So yes, I'm reluctant to get too attached, but maybe I'll overcome that, we'll see. James is happy for me to go. He's not religious in the slightest, but he's also not against it, and he quite likes the supportive community aspect of it. So that is a good thing. I'm not over sure the kid's dad is that pleased with them going, but he hasn't openly opposed it. And I think children need somewhere to belong. When I was a child, I needed somewhere to belong. Plus, Adam decided to believe in Jesus all by himself from when he was little, so who can argue with that one?

So, today, at the Army, the band played People Need The Lord. And all I could think of, was Emma Richardson (now Emma Jones), stood at the front of Music School end of week show (which wasn't called music school anymore at that point, but that was the colloquial term so let's just go with that :p). Singing the solo, People Need The Lord. And all I could think of was, I'd really like to get back in touch with her. When I say "back in touch", she is on my facebook. But, well, as much as I try to keep it trimmed to people I either talk to a lot or know well in real life or just quite simply care about, that doesn't mean I actually talk to everybody on there frequently. I'd put Emma in the "just quite simply care about" category. Which means I haven't talked to her in ages. I even just had to look on her facebook to see where she lived, because I couldn't quite remember. And it says she lives in London, which I genuinely didn't know, and now feel rather bad. When I say I haven't talked to her in ages, she sent me a lovely message when Isaac passed away last year xx. Emma, if you're reading this, it would be nice to have a talk sometime soon xxxx.

The song, in my head, is always an instrumental piece. Because whenever I hear anybody else sing it, it never sounds as good as that night, in that atmosphere. It took me a long time on YouTube to find a decent version of it, they were either shaky camera work or harsh trumpet tones - being from the Salvation Army background, you really learn to appreciate the cornet as the better alternative ;) If you want to know the lyrics, I believe they're pretty easy to find on google. I'm not putting them on here, because well, for me this song isn't about that. And also, I don't want anybody to accuse this blog of being 'preachy', because, well, it's not. I am far from perfect, as is everybody else in this world, and certainly no better than anybody else, in fact probably quite a lot worse than some others in many people's eyes.

From me, good night (or good morning), I am going to attempt 2 hours sleep xxx.

Simple Pleasures.....

I read, on the Green Parent magazine forum, about somebody reclaiming Sundays. They were doing it in the way of going "off-grid" that day i.e. not using electricity etc. I didn't quite fancy that, but I did fancy the idea of reclaiming Sundays. As a family day, a fun day, a rest day, a leisure day. Not a shopping day, or a cleaning day, or a lay on the sofa watching tv and then realise it's 12 o'clock and you've done nothing day.
And so, this Sunday, we -
Went to church (more specifically the Salvation Army). This is where I used to go from being a toddler until I was about 17/18, and where I was pretty much brought up. I left for many different reasons, but I knew this was a place my children would be welcomed and somewhere they could belong, but where I wouldn't get pressured, so when Adam asked to go to church, this is where I decided we should go. And it was just as I thought it would be, relaxed, informal, friendly, and welcoming. We stayed for a bit afterwards, Jessica was surprisingly happy to run around in a room full of strangers without even knowing where I was so that is how relaxed the atmosphere was, and she was even more relaxed enough to pull a load of pool cues on to her head to renew the permanent bump which had just been about to fade:

Moving on briefly (I shall rewind in a moment), her face today is actually covered in scratches and bruises, because she decided to come back in the front door just as her poor Nana was coming out, resulting in Nana falling over the top of Jessica, throwing herself sideways to avoid falling on top of her, and cutting her own head on the drive edging :( Both Nana and Jessica are fine, but went back inside for a sit down and a cup of tea before recommencing their journey.
Anyway, so, back to reclaiming Sundays. So, we had a lovely time and I was really proud to be told by somebody how lovely my children were and how good and how they had adapted so easily to the new environment :) So we are going back again on Sunday, think it will be good for Adam's confidence, as they were pleased as punch with his reading too.
We came home, put Jessica to bed, and me and Adam made ourselves some lunch:

Was lovely to relax and spend time chatting with him. Then I said I would get all the new outdoor toys out for him. At which point, I realised I had stupidly bought all inflatables, so was sat for the next 30 minutes blowing them all up and was then completely shattered! But then Jessica woke up, and it was lovely to see them playing together outside.

I sat on the back step with a cuppa and gave them a blueberry muffin each, and it felt good. Just to lead a normal everyday life, feels good.
So then I made tea, with a little help from Jessica, and there was way too much so I portioned some off to freeze for another time. Only to be told by Adam, that "If you fed this recipe to Piranha Plants, they would probably die". So, not a success then. Hmm, luckily Jessica liked it, so that's Tuesday night teas sorted for the next few weeks........
We then came inside, as they were getting cold (and Jessica kept running in and hiding behind the curtains, so I figured she wanted to come inside), and played on the Wii. We played Pictureka, which Adam is surprisingly good at, and Jessica giggled every time the Mr Potato Head shouted "PicturEKA!" So we redesigned him with a Cowboy costume for added giggles. This led to a big cushion fight between the three of us, which then, for some random reason known only to herself, led to Jessica sitting on the side of the sofa and demanding that we all sing "Wind the Bobbin Up". Ten times over.

There we go, the ceiling. Thus leading to me walking to work on Monday with that song stuck in my head.

So, all in all, it was a totally perfect weekend. And can I pinpoint one particular moment that made it perfect? Not really. It was just the overall package, just the taking time for me on Saturday, and the reclaiming of our Sundays. Reclaiming Sundays will mean different things to different people. For us, it meant relaxing, spending time together, being at peace with each other, and finding somewhere new to belong. If you do only one thing this year, reclaiming Sundays is probably the best thing to do. Since this Sunday, I have had a really good week, been at peace and happy and organised and relaxed and motivated. And, I've even cleaned the house :)
This is now going to have a random cut short ending, as I have a coughing toddler on my knee who is rather unhappy and would like cuddles with mummy. Night all xx.

"Change the voices in your head....Make them like you instead........."

I was asked, on Monday afternoon, by somebody that I would've least expected to hear it from, "But who's to say you made the wrong turns though?" That particular person asking me that, really really helped. So, ten years on, I am possibly going back to the place I came from, the place that brought me up and partly made me who I am, and the place where even now, I think I can belong. I think it would be nice, for my children to have somewhere to belong. This person also said, when I mentioned I had rather a bad time at the end of last year, that he thought that I was on the verge of that when I left. Ten years ago. So yes, sometimes, we need to go back, in order to move forward. And sometimes, the people we think will not approve of our choices (or indeed did not at the time), have also, like us, grown older and wiser and learned that sometimes things happen for a reason, and that the person I am today, is the person that I need to be in the world, and I couldn't be that person without the experiences I have had. Everybody is F**kin Perfect, that is how we were made, we just need to learn to appreciate and love each other's differences a little more. And quite possibly, cut back on the inappropriate language a little ;p So thank you Mr Bevan Spencer, for making me feel like I am still an important person in your world xx.